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I've always been an introvert type, and as such social interactions I find draining and I scrutinize every detail after the fact. I wonder if what I said/did was weird or offensive, etc.
I hate it, and I think this had partly to do with not being socialized as a child. I remember always being a bit shy with people I didn't know and I wasn't around kids outside of school. It wasn't so bad in elementary school but in middle and high school it was more evident. College I could get away with because I found people to be a bit more reserved since they didn't know everyone anymore there.
I went to a fairly sectarian church after that and was a little cautious around people who weren't part of the faith, so to speak.
It probably sounds like I'm blaming this on my circumstances, but I'm not entirely, just giving some background.
Now that I want to be social, I'm having a hard time. Since I'm out of college and don't really know anyone I see, or if I do I was never really friends with them.
Honestly I get upset at the gym or somewhere where it seems I'm always alone and many other have spotting buddies, etc. I don't have that, and I'm not sure I ever will.
Usually I feel fairly confident at home by myself, so that's where I tend to be. But when I go out, as soon as I get out of the car, I'm worried about how I look, my posture, etc, because I just want to be normal and want someone to think I am and acknowledge that I exist. But it rarely happens.
I'd really like to not be an introvert type. I'd like to have friends and go on weekend trips, something, anything. I feel like I'm wasting my life alone with whatever little hobbies I do or sitting on the computer all weekend.
I don't have any particular talents or common interests so there just doesn't seem to be any redeeming qualities for anyone to want to be friends. And forget dating or relationships, who would want me?
I don't have any particular talents or common interests so there just doesn't seem to be any redeeming qualities for anyone to want to be friends. And forget dating or relationships, who would want me?
FWIW, none of us have more redeeming qualities than you. Everyone is flawed, uncertain, self-conscious, and second-guessing. Some are just a lot better at hiding it and pretending.
Try to be as forgiving of yourself as you would be of any friend you want to seek out.
Keep looking for places where you can be yourself and find common ground with other people.... find groups, clubs, volunteer opportunities, etc that you can try out. They won't all work out. But maybe one will.
Good luck... I'm an introvert too. It's OK to be an introvert. Embrace it. Do outings in short doses, then go home and recharge before going out again. You might get better at it, but you will probably never actually BE an extrovert. And that's OK. Extroverts are really tiring to be around.
Sure. To post title, people change if sufficiently motivated. Depends what motivates you. Cancer can be a great motivator to quit smoking, in the unlikely event anything can be done at that point. Heart attacks, for clean living, same caveat. A bullet to the guts is fantastic for making one forget other less-pressing problems than blood loss.
I'm a raging introvert if left to my own devices. That dog won't hunt in executive management. If you want money and prestige, guess those behaviors need to be changed, huh? They mercilessly whipped that out of us in business school: take your medicine, son, or you flunk and can go hang out with the rabble.
As a result, I've figured out exactly how to fit in, it's difficult but not impossible. Simply ape the behaviors of others. People are disquieted by that they don't understand, like any dumb herd animal. Kids drive out those who are different w/o compunction, obviously. Adults do, too, albeit with more subtlety.
Good starts are to one, stop being a victim. "Giving background" is a euphemism for "blaming:" if didn't matter, wouldn't have been mentioned. Nobody cares. Two, decide if you genuinely care to make some small changes toward a larger goal. Three, worrying and scrutinizing is behavior that needs to be modified over time: just don't, it's a complete waste of energy. Others only notice, and/or care if you're a freak who doesn't fit in.
I actually feel bad for an introvert who ...to quote...hates it, just want(s) to be (cough) normal, acknowledge(s) that you exist. Great, then start to make it happen. Anything in life I hate about me, I make an concerted effort to change, and I'm far from perfect (LOL). Hey, I'm impressed you're going to the gym, I haven't in (about) nine years because I wasn't devoted to it. Exercise is an outstanding idea, though, regardless of what others may or may not think. Ride your own ride, as we used to say in motorcycling.
Oh yeah: being quirky is quite attractive to (some) potential partners, btw, in my case single women. Others find it abhorrent, however, and I nod and smile their way: adios, best to you, move along. Who gives a ___t? I can't get in their heads and change their views. There are always more women out there, for sure. Oh, and lastly: if you feel unloved, welcome to the world. Very few people care beyond their own needs, if you examine human behavior quite closely. "Quid pro quo," what have you done for them?
Hope that helps. Longest journey starts with a single step.
There are a lot of introverted people who are the same way. There is no need to change. I think it's hard to change a personality anyway. A lot of extroverts see introversion as a negative trait, that's their problem. Not yours.
You cannot change your core personality (so save the $ you might spend on books or seminars that claim you can).
You can, however, change your behavior, to a certain extent. Define what you really want to change, and why. Examine your options. One small example: At the gym, you could ask someone to spot you. Thank him afterwards.
If you feel too shy to ask, that's another set of behaviors for you to think about. But changes like this are possible.
being humble is a virtue.... id rather be or be with introverts than arrogant wind bags...
I was introverted as a young adult...reserved.. kept most things to myself....but along in my professional career I was forced to come out of my shell.... and it was a combination of confidence.... stop being self-judging/critical .. looking thru my own eyes not the reflection of others
learn to be silly ..laugh more....and stop being your own worst critic..
Sounds like you may have some social anxiety which is not the same thing as being introverted. I'd research that and see if it matches what you're experiencing. There is plenty of information out there on how to deal with social anxiety.
I've always been an introvert type, and as such social interactions I find draining and I scrutinize every detail after the fact. I wonder if what I said/did was weird or offensive, etc.
I hate it, and I think this had partly to do with not being socialized as a child. I remember always being a bit shy with people I didn't know and I wasn't around kids outside of school. It wasn't so bad in elementary school but in middle and high school it was more evident. College I could get away with because I found people to be a bit more reserved since they didn't know everyone anymore there.
I'm an introvert with social anxiety, much as you have described. I was brought up in an extrovert family with three siblings, played team sports, and there were often visitors at our house. I was extensively "socialized". Never made me more extroverted or less anxious. But, as an older person now (50s), I have learned to compensate for my personality and have learned how to act "normal" in company, and to control my anxiety somewhat. It takes time and effort, but it's possible.
Let me tell you a little bit about my youngest son. He's an Asperger's kid. He's not a kid anymore. His favorite things are gaming, and specifically, Legend of Zelda and Mario Brothers.
For a very long time, he had very few friends. And a couple of those friends, I think were people who were kind toward him.
One year, he joined up with our local Rennaissance Fair. After that, he volunteered with them. Come to find out, there are a lot of like minded people at Renn Faires. People who enjoy fantasy, people who enjoy dressing up, etc.
From there, he met people who were into Cos-Play, and from the Cos-play clubs, he met a core group of friends. Friends that he hangs out with, most weekends. People who like his company, and he likes theres.
My point is...I bet there ARE people out there, who have similar interests to you, but maybe you just don't know how to find them.
Oh, and to answer the question "Can you change your personality?" Yes. You can. Personalities are influenced, and they evolve and expand all the time.
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