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Old 02-17-2019, 05:25 PM
 
13,136 posts, read 20,699,235 times
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How long is this visit that a parent isn't expected to accompany the boy? It seems odd to me that there are no overnight accommodations when the kids are attending alone. But I agree, it is not a responsibility you should agree to take on.
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Old 02-17-2019, 05:25 PM
 
Location: on the wind
6,800 posts, read 2,771,359 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
I asked about what the program suggested and I think she just can't afford the options. This visit is just for a few days to talk to doctors and teachers. I would think that a parent or guardian would need to be there. The whole thing is a huge imposition and very strange.
Then she can't afford the options. So sorry! End of story.

Someone else in that family has a few issues going on. Can't imagine a parent just expecting someone else who isn't even involved with this child to take this on. Don't let them guilt trip you or hold you hostage. If they start hinting around that family ties will be damaged if you DON'T comply, that's going to tell you a lot. If they want this so much they will find another way to work it out.

Last edited by Parnassia; 02-17-2019 at 05:41 PM..
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Old 02-17-2019, 05:47 PM
 
1,539 posts, read 763,649 times
Reputation: 6669
Just say no. Your obligation is to your own child/family, not to this boy. Frankly, I would not want anyone like him around my kids or pets, ever.
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Old 02-17-2019, 06:05 PM
 
2,992 posts, read 1,994,538 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turkeydance View Post
"What is my obligation in this situation?"
protect your child. all else is last place.
ThisthisthisthisTHIS.
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,565 posts, read 14,180,052 times
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Your responsibility is to protect your child.

Tell your step sibling that you canít host him.

She needs to accompany him and stay in a hotel or find the money to stay in the approved accommodations.
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:11 PM
 
Location: British Columbia ♥ 🍁 ♥
7,094 posts, read 6,505,361 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
Your responsibility is to protect your child.

Tell your step sibling that you can’t host him.

She needs to accompany him and stay in a hotel or find the money to stay in the approved accommodations.

This ^

Be a host is just another word for be a baby-sitter. You aren't obligated to baby-sit somebody else's 14 year old boy with socio/psychopathic tendencies.

How much did she offer to pay you to take on such a big responsibility?

.
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:27 PM
 
Location: CA
2,659 posts, read 940,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turkeydance View Post
"What is my obligation in this situation?"
protect your child. all else is last place.
Agree with this post. My husband's colleague (D) has a 12 year old nephew who is disturbed and has threatened to stab his family members. When D's wife had a baby, D cut ties with the nephew. He felt bad, because the boy lost his father when he was a baby and D's been there since, but he doesn't trust the boy around his baby. It must have been hard for him, but sometimes you have to make tough choices.
In your case, you're not very close with the family. Say no and don't even worry about it.
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Old 02-17-2019, 08:44 PM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,614 posts, read 3,603,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turkeydance View Post
"What is my obligation in this situation?"
protect your child. all else is last place.
Yes. Absolutely this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
I asked about what the program suggested and I think she just can't afford the options. This visit is just for a few days to talk to doctors and teachers. I would think that a parent or guardian would need to be there. The whole thing is a huge imposition and very strange.
If you are able to help your step sister pay for her son's accommodations, this would be a very kind and helpful gesture on your part. You aren't obligated to do this, of course, but it would be very kind of you if you did. I do sympathize with your step sister, being a single parent to a kid who could very well be a danger to her. It must be absolutely exhausting for her, emotionally and physically. So if you were able to lend a hand, I'm sure she would be most appreciative.

But note well: your house is NOT one of the available accommodations for her son. Period.
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Old 02-17-2019, 10:56 PM
 
17,532 posts, read 3,980,468 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emotiioo View Post
One of my nephews has been diagnosed with "callous emotional response" aka he's too young to be diagnosed as a sociopath but exhibits early traits on that direction. I should note that this is the child of a step sibling and we are not particularly close. I have not seen this child for years as he was not allowed to be around anyone unsupervised because he has harmed animals and other kids. Yeah it's bad.

Still I sent birthday cards and tried to stay at least on the radar as a caring relative. My step sibling now wants us to host him when he visits a school in our area. He's 14 and he's going to some kind of program for kids who have his issues. I have said absolutely not as we have a young child. Sibling insists that if we treat him differently we are just going to do exacerbate his problems and that he's been making strides in therapy. There's no way I can handle this kid and it's just not an option. What is my obligation in this situation? If any?

Step sibling is a single parent and overwhelmed and I am sure she needs help. I would like to be supportive but there's no way I am letting my nephew into my house.
i think your number one priority should be making sure your kid is safe.I dont think you have an obligation to host the 14 year old.
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Old 02-17-2019, 11:02 PM
 
1,926 posts, read 942,872 times
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I love the solid 'no' I'm hearing here. The only thing that leads me to think that you MIGHT fold and give in is the topic title. Or you could just be venting.

what she can and cannot afford and whether or not she needs a 'break' is not remotely your problem.
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