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They don't call kids sociopath. They have a kinds of other misnomers that amount to that constellation of traits. The thinking is that a child may not develop full blown adult sociopathy with intervention. He's not on the spectrum. He's violent, intelligent, can read others but has not been able to demonstrate empathetic connection to people, doesn't understand fear, and doesn't get remorse. He can be manipulative and lies like a pro. Again not autism.
Enough said, he's violent.
You not only have to worry about him harming your own child, how about other children?
He attacks a neighbor's child or even an adult, you're the one getting sued.
Doesn't matter if this is your step-sibling, or real sister. Sorry can't do it and what a nervy thing to ask of someone.
Difficult situation all the way around. Sounds like the mother is all alone in dealing with a disabled child. She is probably the only parent working, providing home/care... in addition to getting him help.
Sadly mental healthcare facilities for short or long term care and treatment are not common throughout the United States. Those that are available can be cost prohibitive even for middle-upper class families.
Families with children who suffer from a biological brain disorder are frequently shunned by neighbors, family and friends. It's a rough road I've seen many have to travel.
They don't call kids sociopath. They have a kinds of other misnomers that amount to that constellation of traits. The thinking is that a child may not develop full blown adult sociopathy with intervention. He's not on the spectrum. He's violent, intelligent, can read others but has not been able to demonstrate empathetic connection to people, doesn't understand fear, and doesn't get remorse. He can be manipulative and lies like a pro. Again not autism.
There is one very simple word in the English vocabulary - no. Anything happens to him - your fault. He happens anything to something or someone - your fault. Lawsuit 101. You know about his issues and you are responsible for him as a minor.
A very strange & sad situation. I can’t imagine how the mom wouldn’t be trying to find a way to accompany her son to maintain responsibility for him.
I have updated the information on this that was not clear when she first asked. She plans to be there for part of the visit. You can find the information earlier in the thread.
And to those who have asked, father is not in the picture. The marriage broke up when the child was 5 and his mom refused to get him inpatient care after he attacked another child violently. No one knows where Dad is. He refuses all contact. I had heard that he had set up some kind of arrangement to pay support through an attorney at one point but the cost of this child's care is heavy. Mother doesn't have a professional job and works in restaurants.
Difficult situation all the way around. Sounds like the mother is all alone in dealing with a disabled child. She is probably the only parent working, providing home/care... in addition to getting him help.
Sadly mental healthcare facilities for short or long term care and treatment are not common throughout the United States. Those that are available can be cost prohibitive even for middle-upper class families.
Families with children who suffer from a biological brain disorder are frequently shunned by neighbors, family and friends. It's a rough road I've seen many have to travel.
Doesn't really apply in the OP's situation. They were asked to house a troubled kid for a few days so he could attend a voluntary program far from his full time functional home. No one said anything about fostering or long term housing because the parent couldn't. No one said anything about shunning the mother at all. The OP, the kid, and his mother have never been close apparently.
There's no money to move. This child would live at the school. I see this as a slippery slope with more asks for involvement in the future when my step sister can't take time off work to do certain things. I am also not sure I want to familiarize this kid with our house as the first stop on any journey away from this facility.
Yes, that was my concern. "Oh, school is closed for the holidays, can he come stay with you?" (I don't know if they will do that, or encourage students to go home for holidays), or "He's sick, can you pick him up, can you take him to get new gym shoes, etc."
I always hate to feel this sort of caution when it comes to doing nice for someone, to have to worry it will snowball into an awkward situation (I brought this up on another thread, too, where kindnesses to other people were discussed), but... I've seen it happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
House him where? A 14 year old can't stay in a hotel by themselves.
This story doesn't quite add up, what kind of program would let an minor child with severe problems attend with no adult or guardian present? Never heard of that.
The mother needs to be there. Where is the father? No child support?
From the sound of things, this is a residential/boarding type school (I'm assuming OP's stepsister isn't going to ask for him to stay at OP's house constantly while he's attending). So they must have some kind of housing available. And if they're willing to have students come without a parent, they must have some arrangements for these kids to stay during the visit. (Unless the idea is that OP is supposed to be a stand-in for a parent.)
This family member has been struggling financially and with the kid being how he is visiting wasn't in the cards. Mom says he's better and it's a big deal he was accepted into the program he wants to visit. I think she wants him to go so that she gets a break as much as he gets help. We live within an easy drive of the facility.
I do think it's a LOT to ask.
These people don’t “get better.” Sometimes, they learn to manage their behavior. Most times it isn’t long term.
Just politely decline. You could offer to help her pay for a room.
You are on target. He has a history of hurting other kids and animals. He has zero remorse for his actions. He can't understand or process emotions like other kids. He has been in and out of of treatment facilities for his young life.
I have more insight into the need for a parent/guardian at the school. My step sibling is planning to attend but can only take off the bare minimum of time from her job. So that was not clear on the original ask. She wants us to host him solo for a few days and host both of them for the rest of the visit. Answer is still no.
Absolutely you need to protect your family. You aren’t even close to your sister. Why is she assuming that you’d be willing to do this?
Absolutely you need to protect your family. You aren’t even close to your sister. Why is she assuming that you’d be willing to do this?
Not saying this is OP's situation but 'because he's family. You're not supposed to say 'no' to family, no matter how monumental the favor being asked is.'
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