Maintaining friendships

[chessimprov]

I think most people can sense the difference between opportunist and busy.
One may not be able to know how to react or think, but we just know when something starts amiss.
We may not notice right away, but eventually we notice.

It's also hard to switch gears even when we do realize because it takes up so much time and positive energy away from us.
I think the best answer I can personally give is just keep trying and dealing as they come.
If someone is married, especially if they have kids, consider activities that you can do with the entire family rather than just one spouse or the couple only. If this doesn't seem to feasibly work, then you have your answer

[YorktownGal]

From today's NYT. Not exactly the same situation as the OP, but you might relate to it anyway

When Weddings Ruin Friendships

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/06/f...gtype=Homepage

[RJ312]

Originally Posted by Grace84

Where can I meet genuine people who won't drop you soon as some partner comes along?

Generally, you can't. Also, you should probably be more focused on your own romantic endeavors as a solution to this.

Based upon your screen name, it appears as though you are female and born in 1984, making you 34/35 right now. By age 30 at the latest, most people are part of established couples, even if they are not married. Those born in 1984 are early Millennials (Pew definition birth years 1981-1996). Millennials have been known for postponing or not getting married entirely but most are still coupling up. A completely unattached 34/35 year old is going to struggle socially with non-romantic relationships. Someone who is single and unattached in their 30s is going to have a difficult time forming or retaining existing friendships with people either in the established couple phase of life and/or the married/established couple with young children phase of life.

In general, after about age 25 or so, friendships are totally overrated. It's not worth the time to put much effort into making or retaining them. The focus at that point should be romantic relationships. OP-if you happen to become part of a couple, it will be easier for you to reach out to existing friends and revamp those relationships as it is much more common for two sets of couples to spend time together socially. I happen to think multiple couples hanging out is pretty silly, as I am not tremendously social and prefer to focus on my romantic relationships. However, I realize that not all share this viewpoint and many couples do spend a fair amount of time with other couples in a social context.

[PuppiesandKittens]

Originally Posted by Grace84

Where can I meet genuine people who won't drop you soon as some partner comes along?

It needs to be people with shared values. What are your core beliefs? Find people who share them. Could be church, a political group, a community service group, etc.


It also needs to be people who you'll see regularly and who are committed, so volunteer organizations (particularly if you're in a leadership role) are great for that.

[Jezku]

i had a friend who got married and didn't hesitate to say "i only want to have relationships with married people" and showed me a pic, adding "this is my new best friend".
simple enough. i noticed that every time her situation changed (divorce, new marriage, new home) both her political party and "friends" changed. not a good indicator of constancy, friendship or otherwise. no "loss" there.