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We had dinner with a relative who is solidly in the BB generation. He went on about "orientals" and loudly mentioned "that black waitress" who was serving us several times: at one point I saw her cringe when he said it. I took him aside and said politely that the term "oriental" is applied to objects and no longer a term that is used to describe a person, and as there was only one waitress serving us, it was not necessary to refer to her race; besides that she had told us her name. This relative said that he is "too old to worry about this" and that "younger people should not correct a Baby Boomer because they have no idea about life." To which I replied that I did not mean to embarrass him, but wanted to help him and changed the subject.
He complained to a friend of ours who was dining with us but did not hear me say this to him. My friend later told me that she "didn't think it was worth it" to try to educate him or really any older person who does things that are offensive or racist. I tried not to make a big deal about it and talk to him privately, but I do wonder if it was worthwhile.
So if you are in a situation where an older person says something like this, do you call them out? Do you let it go? Has it ever gotten a positive response or do you think its just not worth it?
You did the best you could, short of walking out. I don't know what I would have done, but it is a shame you were the only one taking offense. I think avoiding public outings with this person would be a good thing.
What should be done is a confrontation by close family members in private who should unanimously insist he stop saying stuff like this in public. But good luck getting people to do this.
I do call out older relatives, in what I hope is a kind manner, depending on the situation. Some people use an offensive term (like "oriental") because it may have been used in the past and they don't realize that it's just not done anymore. People don't enjoy being corrected, but that's a usually more successful interaction than dealing with someone who's actually racist or bigoted.
He was out of line and his excuses pathetic attempt to deflect his rude behavior. Age is no excuse. Yes it’s worthwhile every single time. Could you really look yourself in the mirror if you didn’t call this kind of behaviour out.
Being "solidly" a Baby Boomer has little to do with it. He's a jerk.
And a jerk like that is not going to change. In fact, he'll probably dig in if confronted.
If it makes you feel better to say something, do it. Just don't expect miracles.
I only mentioned that because of his response, as well as his insistence that he should be given a pass to do what he wants because of his age/generation. I used to hear my grandmother say things like "life was different then" or "that person is from a different time and place" to gloss over episodes like this, but she would have rather died than called someone out.
I only mentioned that because of his response, as well as his insistence that he should be given a pass to do what he wants because of his age/generation. I used to hear my grandmother say things like "life was different then" or "that person is from a different time and place" to gloss over episodes like this, but she would have rather died than called someone out.
Well, let me just say that I am "solidly" a Baby Boomer and I learned long ago those things weren't acceptable. Life was different then, but many of us, found the subsequent years a learning experience rather than an opportunity to accept and/or stay stuck in old racist or bigoted opinions and we continue to evolve.
"Calling people out" rarely has the desired effect. Must you go to frequent events with this old poop?
Well, let me just say that I am "solidly" a Baby Boomer and I learned long ago those things weren't acceptable. Life was different then, but many of us, found the subsequent years a learning experience rather than an opportunity to accept and/or stay stuck in old racist or bigoted opinions and we continue to evolve.
"Calling people out" rarely has the desired effect. Must you go to frequent events with this old poop?
You seem to have many problematic relatives, OP.
I do indeed. Both in my family and my partner's.
I don't have to be around this person often but they visit about once a year. It seems to get worse every year.
I did it to shame him and to let the shop worker know that bigotry is not tolerated.
My relative is not going to treat someone badly and get away with it on my watch.
Good on you, OP
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