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Old 02-21-2019, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,872 posts, read 2,703,704 times
Reputation: 5049

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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallstaff View Post
That happened to me too. In my case you'd have thought I was the first and only person in the world who was in this situation. I can't believe that there are NO OTHER people with nobody close enough geographically or relationship-wise, that can just drop everything and play ambulance and nurse.. Surely there must be lots of older people who are widowed and whose children live all over the country and cannot vacate their other responsibilities. Apparently I am one of maybe half a dozen people in the USA who has no one else I can dump on for medical reasons.
I ran into the same problem myself. Fortunately my brother was able to make the two hour trip into the city.

I recently read an ad by a local company which offered senior services including home care. The ad mentioned that they also were available to accompany clients to and from medical/day surgery appointments. Good to know.
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Old 02-21-2019, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,659 posts, read 4,361,283 times
Reputation: 11606
I suggest you live your life the way you want to. I am almost 70 now (in a few weeks) and live in a 55+ community. Many unmarried/living alone people here. There are several services within our single family home community that provide rides and escort to doctor or grocery stores. There’s also uber or a person you can pay to take you places. There’s online grocery shopping and delivery. As long as you have a sharp mind you can work out solutions. I do think that a 55+ community is a very good solution for anyone without a lot of strong family ties to rely on.

You probably should research long term disability insurance and maintain it to cover the risk of becoming seriously physically or mentally disabled in your elder years — or even now. That way you would have a cushion if you needed to go to a LTC facility.
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Old 02-21-2019, 11:54 AM
 
12,870 posts, read 15,352,079 times
Reputation: 14809
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
there's an old saying.... a ship is safe in the harbor ….but that's not what it's made for


you have a good 30-40-50 yrs ahead of you.... live it ... you only go around once
I agree with the above.

OP, quit worrying about possible future events that may or may not happen.
Enjoy your life...cross those bridges when you come to them.
Hopefully your life will be long, and these concerns could be gone or not apply by then...sometimes just [time] can do that.
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Old 02-21-2019, 11:58 AM
 
12,870 posts, read 15,352,079 times
Reputation: 14809
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
If the worst happens and I do end up dying in my home without being found, so what? It will only happen once and I won't be around to deal with it.
Yes....and what a better way to go

thanks for your wonderful post.
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Old 02-21-2019, 12:32 PM
 
501 posts, read 294,954 times
Reputation: 2461
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene View Post
I ran into the same problem myself. Fortunately my brother was able to make the two hour trip into the city.

I recently read an ad by a local company which offered senior services including home care. The ad mentioned that they also were available to accompany clients to and from medical/day surgery appointments. Good to know.
Yes. That's why I suggested to the OP to stay near a city/metro large enough to support this type of activity.
I used one of those companies for transportation but lied to the hospital about having someone to stay with me for 24 hours. I have no facilities for a live-in helper. And they would be a stranger in my house. Plus they do cost. I would use them in that capacity only if absolutely necessary. That's what desperate means, I guess.
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Old 02-21-2019, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Kansas City North
3,987 posts, read 7,262,080 times
Reputation: 5755
I have a friend who volunteers with an organization called “Catch a Ride” that provide rides for any reason (I assume within a proscribed area). She’s done a lot of “take and waits” at doctors/outpatient clinics,as well as taking people to the grocery store and even to get their hair or nails done. Maybe there is something like that where you live.

Another idea would be to check at local colleges for a student to hire. You wouldn’t have too much trouble finding someone to work for $15/hr cash on a very occasional basis.
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Old 02-21-2019, 03:23 PM
 
773 posts, read 202,097 times
Reputation: 1288
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
I suggest you live your life the way you want to. I am almost 70 now (in a few weeks) and live in a 55+ community. Many unmarried/living alone people here. There are several services within our single family home community that provide rides and escort to doctor or grocery stores. There’s also uber or a person you can pay to take you places. There’s online grocery shopping and delivery. As long as you have a sharp mind you can work out solutions. I do think that a 55+ community is a very good solution for anyone without a lot of strong family ties to rely on.

You probably should research long term disability insurance and maintain it to cover the risk of becoming seriously physically or mentally disabled in your elder years — or even now. That way you would have a cushion if you needed to go to a LTC facility.
I agree with this suggestion for the reasons. My FIL widowed for over ten years lives in one and dines each night with a group of residents so he has some social interaction. Most of the residents are in the similar economic/marital status so everyone pays their fair share.
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Old 02-22-2019, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Washington state
5,350 posts, read 2,720,318 times
Reputation: 15997
Quote:
Originally Posted by Okey Dokie View Post
I have a friend who volunteers with an organization called “Catch a Ride” that provide rides for any reason (I assume within a proscribed area). She’s done a lot of “take and waits” at doctors/outpatient clinics,as well as taking people to the grocery store and even to get their hair or nails done. Maybe there is something like that where you live.

Another idea would be to check at local colleges for a student to hire. You wouldn’t have too much trouble finding someone to work for $15/hr cash on a very occasional basis.
In my case, the hospital was 70 miles and about 90 minutes away from where I lived. Not sure I could find someone to drive that distance, even for money. Here's another horror story that happened.

I went in for an angiogram and didn't have the anesthesia. So 8 hours later I was allowed to take a taxi down to the ferry terminal. Problem is, then I have to walk the entire length of the terminal both to and from the ferry when it docks on the other side, where I can call a cab to take me home (four blocks away).

Walking when you've just had an artery pierced isn't the smartest thing to do in the world. Remember Neil Young's artery started bleeding out four days later and he collapsed in the street after his aneurysm.

Anyway, the ferry docks, it's 10:30 at night and the taxi won't be here for another 40 minutes. And the guard tells me the ferry is closed and he has to lock the building and leave. So I'm sitting out there on the curb in front of a totally closed up ferry terminal by myself in a town that isn't exactly known for being crime free at night.

And when the cab finally does arrive, he's not allowed to enter the huge U-shaped drive that the buses use to drop off people. I don't know why, but the cab driver calls me and tells me he will get a ticket if a cop sees him doing that. So I have to now walk to the end of the driveway just to get to the cab. And after all that, I'm going to be by myself that night. If something happens to that artery, I'm on my own.

I ask myself what in hell would I do if I were 80 or so years old and in this situation?

This is what us seniors face every day. And yes, for many of us, we just can't conjure someone out of thin air to come pick us up or drop us off, hard as that may be to believe.
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Old 02-22-2019, 08:27 PM
 
9,181 posts, read 9,156,037 times
Reputation: 11511
Oh, I find this awfully sad. No reason for you to look to marry, but you should certainly try to find some friends. Real friends, without motives.

Of course things change as you get older. That's why you need to make an effort. Maybe you need to re-think how you are meeting people. Find a group that's built around an interest that you share. Okay, a zoo wasn't an easy example, but if you're a zoo fanatic, see if there is a group, like "Friends of the Zoo" or something like that. If your ethnicity is an important part of you, look for a group for Asian music or Asian art. Or look for a neighborhood group. Many local libraries have various groups that meet there.

And stop forking over money. I know you might like company, but try occasionally saying, "Oh, no, you can't? Even though the ticket is only $8? Oh, that's too bad. Well, call me next week if you want to get together for something else."
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Old 02-23-2019, 01:55 PM
 
773 posts, read 202,097 times
Reputation: 1288
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
Oh, I find this awfully sad. No reason for you to look to marry, but you should certainly try to find some friends. Real friends, without motives.

Of course things change as you get older. That's why you need to make an effort. Maybe you need to re-think how you are meeting people. Find a group that's built around an interest that you share. Okay, a zoo wasn't an easy example, but if you're a zoo fanatic, see if there is a group, like "Friends of the Zoo" or something like that. If your ethnicity is an important part of you, look for a group for Asian music or Asian art. Or look for a neighborhood group. Many local libraries have various groups that meet there.

And stop forking over money. I know you might like company, but try occasionally saying, "Oh, no, you can't? Even though the ticket is only $8? Oh, that's too bad. Well, call me next week if you want to get together for something else."

I agree but living in a rural area his choices are limited. He may need to relocate to an area with single people of his age and socio-econonic status.
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