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I think good relationships are formed when you and others go through a campaign, or other team effort together. If you have a cause you want to volunteer for, you might do that, instead of doing meetups. This is just a thought.
I have not had a true best friend in many years. But I have been blessed to have a few good friends. I think if you work on your jealousy of others’ relationships, you will be happier. None of us gets everything we want in this life. If you have long term friends, I think you are lucky.
IMHO you are pinning unrealistic hopes on having ONE BFF. That is a pretty big responsibility for anyone. I think when we are younger, our world is less sophisticated and closer to home...we simply know fewer people outside family or a childhood buddy.
I think the points made by Parnassia are excellent ones and I'd add one additional thought … I believe most of us had more TIME when we were younger. I don't know how old you are, but when I was growing up and a young adult, there were no personal computers, cell phone or social media. It just seems as though many people are more loosely connected these days.
As we get older, people have multiple commitments that make it difficult to have the time to spend on friendships - at least until we reach retirement. Between work, family, children, grandchildren, maintaining the house, many people just don't have much time to spend with friends - or any real breathing space. A former co-worker and I used to kid that we'd be like the I Love Lucy episode where she joins "Friends of the Friendless", if I'm remembering right - because we didn't grow and tend to our friendships.
Good luck - it can be so difficult to connect with people and I hope you find some people with real friendship potential. Incidentally, one of my closest friends lives multiple states away - and we both get a lot out of our e-mail correspondence, which doesn't require us to both be available at the same time.
I think the points made by Parnassia are excellent ones and I'd add one additional thought … I believe most of us had more TIME when we were younger. I don't know how old you are, but when I was growing up and a young adult, there were no personal computers, cell phone or social media. It just seems as though many people are more loosely connected these days.
As we get older, people have multiple commitments that make it difficult to have the time to spend on friendships - at least until we reach retirement. Between work, family, children, grandchildren, maintaining the house, many people just don't have much time to spend with friends - or any real breathing space. A former co-worker and I used to kid that we'd be like the I Love Lucy episode where she joins "Friends of the Friendless", if I'm remembering right - because we didn't grow and tend to our friendships.
Good luck - it can be so difficult to connect with people and I hope you find some people with real friendship potential. Incidentally, one of my closest friends lives multiple states away - and we both get a lot out of our e-mail correspondence, which doesn't require us to both be available at the same time.
Thank you. More good points made.
I'm actually in my early 40s and I guess I didn't anticipate feeling soo lonely at this stage in life. I had a large group of girlfriends in my 20s that I thought I'd have forever and watched one by one as they all moved on. All but my longtime best friend, who was as close to a sister as I've ever had. The she left too.
Now I wonder how people manage to have these 20+ year friendships and lifelong friendships. Because no matter what effort I put into staying in contact, following up or taking personal interest in their lives, it still fades and people change. I'm learning and accepting it.
I remember email. In my 20s ALL my communications and social planning happened in email and up until few years back, it was still the main way of communicating with friends. But now, no one wants to email. Its quick and short texts.
OP, yes, I get it. It's a real situation that is common. I've experienced it myself. I think finding BFFs later in life is extremely rare. So, it's not you, and it's not unusual that you are experiencing what you're experiencing.
I don't have a cure for your situation. I can say, though, that I have learned that it's better to be alone than to be in bad company. So, I think you should continue to be particular about who you spend time with. Just try to be okay with your own company, while trying to find people you can connect with.
And remember always that the way you feel and what you are experiencing is normal - you're in the majority. Finding a new BFF in adulthood is rare. So, you're not weird to be in your position.
I have learned the hard way that it's worse to let someone into your life that you were not initially so sure about -- trust your instincts. Just because you're lonely, don't let someone into your life who might end up being a drain on you, one way or another.
The lack of a BFF doesn't translate into you being unworthy of one. So, don't let anyone take advantage of you, based on that.
I think you could be right. I was used to having that one friend that I felt got me on all levels. We had everything in common and it just felt like a great connection. I want that again. But it seems that kind of connection is usually made while younger and life is simply.
Just makes me sad to think, I may never find it again.
You also have no way to predict what the future will bring either. You may find something unexpectedly better than your younger self could imagine. It is one thing to be nostalgic about past things; everyone does it to some degree, and fond memories tend to be rosier than reality. It is another to shut out the present, give up on the future, and assume nothing good will ever arrive again.
OP, yes, I get it. It's a real situation that is common. I've experienced it myself. I think finding BFFs later in life is extremely rare. So, it's not you, and it's not unusual that you are experiencing what you're experiencing.
I don't have a cure for your situation. I can say, though, that I have learned that it's better to be alone than to be in bad company. So, I think you should continue to be particular about who you spend time with. Just try to be okay with your own company, while trying to find people you can connect with.
And remember always that the way you feel and what you are experiencing is normal - you're in the majority. Finding a new BFF in adulthood is rare. So, you're not weird to be in your position.
I have learned the hard way that it's worse to let someone into your life that you were not initially so sure about -- trust your instincts. Just because you're lonely, don't let someone into your life who might end up being a drain on you, one way or another.
The lack of a BFF doesn't translate into you being unworthy of one. So, don't let anyone take advantage of you, based on that.
Thank you for your kind words.
I did do some reading on the subject and it seems most people do make their strongest friendships while in high school, college, or during their 20s and observation seems to back that up. Makes me feel like I missed the memo or seriously screwed up somehow. But life is also just funny that way.
You also have no way to predict what the future will bring either. You may find something unexpectedly better than your younger self could imagine. It is one thing to be nostalgic about past things; everyone does it to some degree, and fond memories tend to be rosier than reality. It is another to shut out the present, give up on the future, and assume nothing good will ever arrive again.
I have had several best friends, and I am still in contact with them today. They each came along at different phases of my life, childhood, teenage, young adult, married, becoming a mother and grandmother, etc. I am very thankful for each and every one of them.
These friendships came about naturally. Something just clicked between us that made us want to hang out together. For most of my life, other than these friends, I was pretty much a loner. Groups of friends came and went, but these individuals were always a constant.
IMHO, it is like when you are looking for some sort of relationship, be it a friendship or a romantic one, it doesn't happen. My best advice is to live your life and do the things you enjoy and that make you happy.
I have had several best friends, and I am still in contact with them today. They each came along at different phases of my life, childhood, teenage, young adult, married, becoming a mother and grandmother, etc. I am very thankful for each and every one of them.
These friendships came about naturally. Something just clicked between us that made us want to hang out together. For most of my life, other than these friends, I was pretty much a loner. Groups of friends came and went, but these individuals were always a constant.
IMHO, it is like when you are looking for some sort of relationship, be it a friendship or a romantic one, it doesn't happen. My best advice is to live your life and do the things you enjoy and that make you happy.
Yes, in my experience, I always found I just clicked with the right people organically and I'd love to find that type of connections again. But it may not be something that can be pursued.
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