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But you're right...extroverts do have insecurities, just like the rest of us. I have a friend who's VERY extroverted. She told me once that she often feels like introverts don't like her because she's too 'out there'. It's not something she can help really...and I don't think she should have to. Like I said, she's a door opener and an opportunity maker.
Chatting with strangers isn't an introvert or extrovert trait... It is about social comfort.
An introvert has no problems talking 1 on 1, so why would a stranger make it different? It doesn't. If they can't do it, they aren't comfortable which isn't because they are an introvert but they lack the social skills for that setting. No different than an extrovert
I love talking to strangers! I love hearing about their place of origin. I love hearing stories about their lives. I love finding similarities where I wouldn't expect one while taking to strangers. Honestly, it is one of my favorite things to do...talk with stranger. That is why I post here.
Strangers who start up conversations with me are not interested in hearing my story, they are looking for an audience (me) to listen to theirs. Or to share some opinion they just expressed, like how incompetent the employees are that are causing this long line. Or to sell me something or scam me, as mentioned by other posters.
I'm pretty boisterous with friends/family, but introverted otherwise. I hate small talk and networking (<= four-letter word to me).
Quote:
Originally Posted by nybklyn
Because I have no interest on their story. Also, I don’t trust people. Simple as that.
I don't really buy into the entire extrovert/introvert thing. As someone who could have been classified as a deep introvert earlier in life, I still managed to function and talk to people. In that sense, simply saying, "Well, I'm an introvert," is basically a crutch that keeps one from acquiring an important social skill. As someone who owned a business where I had to actually engage the public, I would have starved to death if I used that excuse. Even now, after giving a presentation or a speech, I need a nap. That's how exhausting it can be for an introvert like me.
That being said, learning to have a conversation with a stranger isn't that hard at all. It's not a skill. It's an attitude. At its fundamental level, it's simply about being more interested in the other person than in talking about oneself. That's it.
The reason for this is simple. In a world where people are busily talking about their own lives, a person who is interested in the lives of others is a bit of a novelty. A few open-ended questions to the person you've just met and -- voila -- you're the most interesting conversationalist they've ever met.
So I've had incredibly interesting conversations with total strangers. My favorite story was the time I was flying cross country. My seatmate was an elderly woman. I simply said 'Hello' to her and exchanged the basic, 'What will you do in Los Angeles,' kind of question.
As it turns out, this was her first time on an airplane. She was from a farm in Mississippi. But that's not where her story ended. Her father was in the occupation troops in Japan after World War II, so she went with her father. She told all kinds of stories about postwar Japan. She moved back to Mississippi, married a man, and started an egg farm. They had kids, but when the Civil Rights Era came to Mississippi, she volunteered to help the marchers. She actually smuggled organizers in the trunk of her car as she drove into town. And that was just the half of it.
The result? A four-hour flight zipped past. We were on the ground before I realized it. I helped her with her luggage and, afterwards, she introduced me to her granddaughter. We parted ways, but I've never forgotten that conversation. This is the kind of memorable encounter you give up when you choose to not talk to people you don't know.
Theoretically, CD should give me thicker skin, enough to be able to talk to anyone. I mean nobody can say anything worse to me than what's been said here. In reality though, it doesn't work that way. Also, like others have said, I'm not that interested in meeting strangers unless I think it could turn into a friendship or something beyond just small talk.
Indiana Tony, stop. If you want to pick a fight, pick it with someone else. Enough. I'll be ignoring you from now on, so I won't be reading a single word that you post.
Back on topic, OP, people who are introverts just get worn out by small talk and don't like it; others are perhaps too busy. Don't take it personally.
I'm the classic introvert, in that prolonged social contact drains me...but I do enjoy small talk. With strangers, friends, whomever. Nobody I chatted with on the checkout line was bothered.
Carrying on a conversation with someone on a plane or in a long waiting line like the DMV can make me feel trapped.
I'm usually the same. I was stuck in a middle seat of a 5 hour flight and sent off signals that I don't want to talk (headphones/kindle), and it worked. Did some light chatting during meal service and the guy next to me was originally from Egypt, and was a math PhD that specialized in communicable disease. He was absolutely fascinating, and I kicked myself for not having the opportunity to talk him more.
But that is the ONLY time.
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My husband was in a training meeting, and my oldest son, who lived there, was at the gym or something, so I had some time to kill. Our hotel was in the Old Town area, so I decided to explore a little on my own. I'm very comfortable with my own company, so I quite enjoyed poking into this shop and that, and meandering along, and looking at the old cemetery, and so forth and so on.
After some time, I stopped at a bakery/coffee shop, and bought myself a scone and a cup of coffee. Took them outside and sat at a little table and people watched for a little while. After a bit, the owner of the shop came outside and sat with me, asking where I was from, and what brought me to San Diego, just making friendly small talk. He was nice, and it was a lovely little visit.
I'd like to dispel this notion that introverts don't know how, or don't have the "social skills" to carry on a conversation with a stranger. We do. We just don't want to, or find it draining/exhausting. I assume extroverts (or any of those chastising people who don't like chatting with strangers) have the skills / know how to leave people alone, they just don't like to or want to.
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