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Indiana Tony, i am talking about females; the guys are way easier to talk to because we can *** up a storm about intellectual topics, and zero attempts to turn it into subjects like "personal problems". i find that really refreshing. of course, finding a female friend who also is into stuff like linguistics and philosophy would be great!
I'm introverted and socializing with my friends and being around people at my job is draining to me. If I'm out and about somewhere and I'm alone it's because I want to be alone. I love to read and will often have a book when I am traveling or at a restaurant having a glass of wine. People still try to talk to me sometimes. It's irritating. Usually they start with "what are you reading?"
My answer when I was a kid: "A book." *goes back to reading* (or sometimes, simply *hold it up while continuing to read.*)
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Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
That being said, learning to have a conversation with a stranger isn't that hard at all. It's not a skill. It's an attitude.
And where's its necessity that I absolutely must do it?
If I want to, if I need to, I can do it. Doesn't mean I have to when I don't want or need to, just to prove a point to someone about whether I'm socially-capable. I can dance a ***, too, but it doesn't mean I have reason to all the time.
And I've had many "memorable" encounters with people, too... which I wish I would not have had: they're annoying, they're intrusive, they want to take up my time when I have other things I would like or need to do, they're needy, they're scammers, they want to go off on politics I don't agree with. My peace, and being able to make my own choices about use of my time, are what I give up when I take the risk of engaging with people. I'd rather not.
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Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Yeah, but look at how that movie turned out. They became great friends.
Well, as I recall (though it's been years), it was more "Steve Martin's character ended up feeling sorry for John Candy's character in the end."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezku
Indiana Tony, i am talking about females; the guys are way easier to talk to because we can *** up a storm about intellectual topics, and zero attempts to turn it into subjects like "personal problems". i find that really refreshing. of course, finding a female friend who also is into stuff like linguistics and philosophy would be great!
If men would talk to me about that stuff, I'd love it. Unfortunately, they're apparently too busy making ASSumptions about me.
Your neph has amazing confidence and social skills. He seems pretty bright.
Maybe he should give lessons on socializing to some of our shy guys?
It's not just a matter of intelligence or skill. It's a personality trait. Wouldn't you find it absurd to say that maybe we should give lessons to extroverts on how to be less gregarious?
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Originally Posted by maduro lonsdale
I agree 100%. Even in a few hours of looking around, I find it clear that these relationship forums are full of people that just plain don't like people and/or can't handle normal social interaction. Funny. Except not.
There is a difference between can't and don't want to or like to. I am always 'on' when I'm at work, forty or fifty hours a week dealing with the public. Many of them are lonely and seemingly rely on us for their social contact, spending hours each week just chatting up various employees. I have one customer right now that spends roughly four hours each DAY following me and my coworker around and chatting at every opportunity.
Can I do it? Yes, I spend a lot of time at it. Do I like doing it? No, not really but it's an expectation of the job. Do I want to be chatted up by random strangers after having to spend that much time being sociable at work? Definitely not, I'm all chatted out and just want to be alone with my own thoughts. Not to mention that people who want to chat rarely strike a topic that holds much interest for me, mostly it's stories involving their family dynamics or their health, occasionally somebody hellbent on trying to impress with stories of how important or popular they are, yawn.
I love talking to strangers! I love hearing about their place of origin. I love hearing stories about their lives. I love finding similarities where I wouldn't expect one while taking to strangers. Honestly, it is one of my favorite things to do...talk with stranger. That is why I post here.
Personally, I think I am good at taking a hint when people don't want to chat. And I get it. Some times it isn't the right time. But reading on here I see so many posts about being annoyed when strangers try to chat. Honestly, I don't fully understand it. Ok...if they are saying weird things or stopping you from your plans. Or if they are trying to talk politics or religion. Occasionally the person is mentally ill (I still don't mind chatting with them).
So if you are a person who hates when strangers try to strike up a convo...be it in line for ice cream, on a long flight or...what ever. Tell me what you don't like about it? I really don't understand.
Quite often, strangers will exchange personal information with you, that neither of you would want your friends and relatives to know. The advantage of anonymity may open the door for such revelations.
I will often make brief comments to strangers about something we're seeing or experiencing together, especially if I can add some humor to the situation.
And as the OP says, we're essentially having conversations with strangers here. That's the essence of the Internet, being able to communicate with people all over the world, most of whom you'd never meet in person. There's at least four other people on this forum who live here (or near) my hometown. I've never met any of them in real life, although maybe I've encountered them somewhere, without knowing it?
I don't mind talking to strangers. I think you can discern quickly if the conversation will go one way or the other. I'm usually intrigued by something though. It may be an outfit, an accent, or maybe they smiled at me. When I get good vibes, I will say something. If not, I may say what's up and keep it moving.
I just don’t find people all that interesting and usually I’m proven right when they talk.
Unfortunately true for many. Listening is a lost art. I will listen for awhile, but if it is all one-way, I'm out of there. And this is SO common.
And if you don't have kids/grandkids (dogs, cats) or a corporate job, or do crafts, you will not share interests with a big majority of people. So no common interests. Not a put-down, just a fact.
But I have had fascinating conversations with a rare stranger or two, who could handle a give-and-take conversation. I like it when it happens.
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