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To your last sentence: true, and it's ingrained in most people's nature to want to be liked and likeable. So nobody really wants to come across as "someone I wouldn't want to talk to".
I love talking to strangers. I read their cues. If they are not interesting in having a conversation, I shut up. Mostly, I like to joke around with people. I avoid conversation on airplanes and at doctor's offices because I think the majority of people in those situations want to be left alone.
I find it very easy to chat with acquaintances and strangers. It is almost always enjoyable.
I have a nephew who, at 13 is guaranteed to strike up a conversation wherever he is, with whomever he sees, regardless of age. I admire it. Sometimes folks seem a little shocked, especially older folks but he is just so genuine that people let their guard down. We were recently in line at Security at the airport when he struck up a conversation with an elderly man holding a guitar case. He was asking the man if he was”any good” on the guitar or, just carried it around to impress the ladies. I was slightly mortified but after we got through the gate, as I was putting my shoes back on I hear this incredible riff on a guitar. I looked over to see the old man playing, right there past the gate into the airport. He looks at my nephew and says “What do you think?” I just thought, how cool to be able to be so spontaneous like that and get folks to reciprocate.
Your neph has amazing confidence and social skills. He seems pretty bright.
Maybe he should give lessons on socializing to some of our shy guys?
To your last sentence: true, and it's ingrained in most people's nature to want to be liked and likeable. So nobody really wants to come across as "someone I wouldn't want to talk to".
I want to be liked by people who matter to me... family, friends, coworkers, people in my various hobbies who I see on a regular basis... I don't worry much about what random strangers on the street who I don't know and will never see again think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Your neph has amazing confidence and social skills. He seems pretty bright.
Maybe he should give lessons on socializing to some of our shy guys?
An opening line like that could have also possibly been offensive to a different person, though-- but, a lot can depend on tone, I suppose. He just lucked out this time (or, the guy was offended and felt the need to prove himself). There are many other friendly but less risky ways to open a conversation with someone who has a guitar than implying they might be a talentless poser. (Such as: "How long have you been playing? What kind of guitar is that? What kind of music do you like to play? Who's your favorite guitarist? Are you on your way to a gig? Do you like that particular case? Is it hard to fly with a guitar? Do you play with a band? How do you feel about alternate tunings?")
i love to chat with strangers about common interests! on the other hand, there seems to be an 'expectation' to get more intimate sometimes because i'm female.
i love to chat with strangers about common interests! on the other hand, there seems to be an 'expectation' to get more intimate sometimes because i'm female.
Do other females have this 'expectation'? I wouldn't think so.
The males who do are hitting on you. Big difference between that and somebody chit chatting in a line.
To your last sentence: true, and it's ingrained in most people's nature to want to be liked and likeable. So nobody really wants to come across as "someone I wouldn't want to talk to".
It sounds like you want your cake and want to eat it to - "I don't really like people or want them to bother me, but I want them to believe I'm likable."
I detest small talk. That said, I'm trying to talk to people more, which isn't my nature as an introvert who is also a bit shy. If someone starts a convo with me and I find them interesting, especially on an airplane, I'll talk. Honestly, it really doesn't happen that much where I live. I did go up to a guy in the gym the other day who was wearing a Georgia shirt and say hello because it was so nice to see someone else from my home state. Thats unusual for me, and very situational dependent.
It sounds like you want your cake and want to eat it to - "I don't really like people or want them to bother me, but I want them to believe I'm likable."
Indiana Tony, stop. If you want to pick a fight, pick it with someone else. Enough. I'll be ignoring you from now on, so I won't be reading a single word that you post.
Back on topic, OP, people who are introverts just get worn out by small talk and don't like it; others are perhaps too busy. Don't take it personally.
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