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Old 12-28-2008, 10:11 PM
 
25,169 posts, read 34,498,973 times
Reputation: 6713

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Yes you finally make some sense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed View Post
There are too many dishonest people who are willing to say and do anything to get want. How can one let their guard done long enough to know if their is a shared chemistry?
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Old 12-28-2008, 11:01 PM
 
18,316 posts, read 17,733,839 times
Reputation: 18437
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good_Teacher View Post
In my office at work we have hundreds of people who come from a very similar background. Few are friends. Most people seem to keep to themselves and have lunch at their desk. On the street where we live people seem to share a common age and demographic but when we have social events at the end of the block most people seem to struggle to make any connection with each other. I teach classes at a local Community College and the people who have sat next to each other for months make no effort to make conversation before or after class. Why is it so hard for people to find others they share any personal chemistry with? Our relationships with the people we interact with seem so distant and forced.
I've not found this to be the case with anywhere that I have worked. I've made solid close, lasting friendships at every job I've held after college age. My work pals are like family...heck I am with them more than many of my own family. However, I've always worked in a team setting, so perhaps that makes a difference.

In the community, I agree...much harder to make and sustain good friendships. Not sure that "chemistry" is the right word here...I reserve that for romantic relationships. But I'm a busy person...the only time I'm out in the neighborhood is when I'm running (and I rarely stop to chat! ) or when I'm working in the yard. And then, yes, I always talk with my neighbors....
and I have a couple that I'd consider good friends, and that's really enough for me.
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Old 12-29-2008, 09:37 PM
 
Location: Southern California
3,279 posts, read 4,664,453 times
Reputation: 4279
Quote:
Originally Posted by Public_Newsense View Post
I don't know the answer to this but it reminds me, I often wonder why good, honest, sincere and friendly enough but quiet people seem to be invisible or even not liked by so many, especially their own sex. They have no friends to speak of. I wonder if there's like an image consultant type person who they can go to to tell them what it is about them that people don't like.
I have this issue to a degree...people don't like quiet people. They write them off as boring. I suppose it feels like they have to make too much effort with someone quiet...which is funny, because I find outgoing people really just want to talk all the time about themselves, so you think they'd like listeners. Instead, they seem to want to compete for attention. I understand the back & forth dynamic, but they won't allow the time for a quiet person to respond, who actually may think before they speak .

I'm very shy & quiet, and when I've made efforts to make new friends, I've found people to be closed off because they already have their own circle. Being sensitive, every setback makes me less likely to pursue another person as a friend. When I was younger, it was a bit easier because kids are not as put off by intensity as adults...I could be whimsical and it was okay. Then people get to an age where they've learned too many social expectations & get stuck in bland small-talk mode, which of course, I am terrible at.

I've gone through the "what is wrong with me" analysis too much...it just wears at your self-esteem and makes you more withdrawn. I've just accepted I am a one-on-one kind of person and people will either get me or they won't. The best I can do is try to project a friendly exterior, so I don't get misinterpreted as snobby (a common reaction to shy people).

It's like that quote from the movie Shopgirl: Quiet people are often "the kind of people it takes time to know and then once you get to know them, they're fabulous".
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Old 12-29-2008, 09:46 PM
 
Location: 'Shangri-La 'mountains west of Wolf Creek, Oregon
12,864 posts, read 9,175,672 times
Reputation: 8064
Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple View Post
I have this issue to a degree...people don't like quiet people. They write them off as boring. I suppose it feels like they have to make too much effort with someone quiet...which is funny, because I find outgoing people really just want to talk all the time about themselves, so you think they'd like listeners. Instead, they seem to want to compete for attention. I understand the back & forth dynamic, but they won't allow the time for a quiet person to respond, who actually may think before they speak .

I'm very shy & quiet, and when I've made efforts to make new friends, I've found people to be closed off because they already have their own circle. Being sensitive, every setback makes me less likely to pursue another person as a friend. When I was younger, it was a bit easier because kids are not as put off by intensity as adults...I could be whimsical and it was okay. Then people get to an age where they've learned too many social expectations & get stuck in bland small-talk mode, which of course, I am terrible at.

I've gone through the "what is wrong with me" analysis too much...it just wears at your self-esteem and makes you more withdrawn. I've just accepted I am a one-on-one kind of person and people will either get me or they won't. The best I can do is try to project a friendly exterior, so I don't get misinterpreted as snobby (a common reaction to shy people).

It's like that quote from the movie Shopgirl: Quiet people are often "the kind of people it takes time to know and then once you get to know them, they're fabulous".


Very well said Darlin'...........................
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Old 12-29-2008, 10:17 PM
 
25,169 posts, read 34,498,973 times
Reputation: 6713
The people that do not allow back and forth discussion are just as pathetic as the ones that remain silent and refuse to talk or the ones that speak in implicit and cryptic ways.

Quote:
Originally Posted by orangeapple View Post
I have this issue to a degree...people don't like quiet people. They write them off as boring. I suppose it feels like they have to make too much effort with someone quiet...which is funny, because I find outgoing people really just want to talk all the time about themselves, so you think they'd like listeners. Instead, they seem to want to compete for attention. I understand the back & forth dynamic, but they won't allow the time for a quiet person to respond, who actually may think before they speak .

I'm very shy & quiet, and when I've made efforts to make new friends, I've found people to be closed off because they already have their own circle. Being sensitive, every setback makes me less likely to pursue another person as a friend. When I was younger, it was a bit easier because kids are not as put off by intensity as adults...I could be whimsical and it was okay. Then people get to an age where they've learned too many social expectations & get stuck in bland small-talk mode, which of course, I am terrible at.

I've gone through the "what is wrong with me" analysis too much...it just wears at your self-esteem and makes you more withdrawn. I've just accepted I am a one-on-one kind of person and people will either get me or they won't. The best I can do is try to project a friendly exterior, so I don't get misinterpreted as snobby (a common reaction to shy people).

It's like that quote from the movie Shopgirl: Quiet people are often "the kind of people it takes time to know and then once you get to know them, they're fabulous".
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Old 12-29-2008, 10:25 PM
 
Location: 'Shangri-La 'mountains west of Wolf Creek, Oregon
12,864 posts, read 9,175,672 times
Reputation: 8064
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
The people that do not allow back and forth discussion are just as pathetic as the ones that remain silent and refuse to talk or the ones that speak in implicit and cryptic ways.


DOn't be messin' with my woman Artsooo.................................
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Old 12-30-2008, 12:18 PM
 
4,837 posts, read 5,202,068 times
Reputation: 2907
Why is it so hard to find people we share "personal chemistry" with?

Perhaps its because women are into chemistry and men are into physics.
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Old 11-20-2009, 03:57 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
39 posts, read 56,874 times
Reputation: 36
That probably explains why I've always hit it off more with women than with men - women are more apt to converse for the fun of it, about diverse topics and men are more "to the point," if that makes any sense. And if you're not into sports, fuhgeddaboutit!
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Old 11-21-2009, 06:57 AM
 
2 posts, read 2,135 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by IbeDavid View Post
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REPLY: I have a theory on your question . I find many people to be protective of themselves , somewhat withdrawn, very cautious, not very assertive in revealing themselves in conversation or establishing conversation...because of past trust-busting events thats happened in thier lives. Some people have experienced alot of betrayal, been used, been gossiped about, been targetted by cliques at work , been thru difficult marriages/divorces...and i think it all adds up to what degree others are willing to let themselves be known . Of course some people may be just shy but i think the majority of people in society fall into what ive mentioned above. What ive found more and more, are people not willing to take the risk at meeting new people and putting forth the effort at deepening friendships. Can you relate at all to what im saying by this ?? Thanks.
Hi, I am new to CD. Usually, just read the Threads. However, I can relate exactly to your response. It's unfortunate but true of most folks today.
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Old 11-21-2009, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Kentucky
6,753 posts, read 14,920,769 times
Reputation: 2035
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good_Teacher View Post
In my office at work we have hundreds of people who come from a very similar background. Few are friends. Most people seem to keep to themselves and have lunch at their desk. On the street where we live people seem to share a common age and demographic but when we have social events at the end of the block most people seem to struggle to make any connection with each other. I teach classes at a local Community College and the people who have sat next to each other for months make no effort to make conversation before or after class. Why is it so hard for people to find others they share any personal chemistry with? Our relationships with the people we interact with seem so distant and forced.
I guess that depends on who or where you are. At my work, we are almost all friends, heck we even do things on our own time like set up a dodgeball game,we had Zombieland night, and for some of our last night we went to the Bambi bar. Alot of them hang out alot outside of work. I can't tell yo uhow many times we have had lunch together, especially me and my bosses. Can you tell I love my job?
My sister is in college and she and her classmates are friends.
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