U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-16-2019, 10:17 AM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,617,363 times
Reputation: 13503

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by dazzleman View Post
I agree. Not everybody can afford a large guest list, and family has to come first. I am never offended when I am not invited to weddings. Truth be told, I don't particularly like attending weddings, unless I am very close to at least one of the people getting married.

I agree that it's foolish to hold a grudge. I would wish her well and continue the friendship. I would even send a gift.
I don't think it's about holding a grudge at all, it's about the OP recognizing that the relationship isn't mutual and adjusting to that accordingly.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-16-2019, 11:01 AM
 
803 posts, read 437,164 times
Reputation: 739
Can you post the msg she sent you literally?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-16-2019, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,006 posts, read 11,633,974 times
Reputation: 31852
Quote:
Originally Posted by WoundedSpirit View Post
My husband and I got married in our apartment, in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. In the state where we lived, you could marry yourselves in front of witnesses. We wanted only my daughter, son-in-law and two granddaughters to share this special moment with us. I invited my son, but we were estranged by his choice so he didn't come.

My best friend of three decades decided to invite herself, saying she would "stop by" on that day. As much as I love here, she is very critical of anything that is not done however she thinks it should be done. I wanted my wedding a certain way without any "you should have" or "you need to" comments, and really just wanted to share it with my immediate family. I had to tell her several times that she was welcome to "stop by" the next day before she got the idea.

I am sure she probably thought I was being harsh by not allowing her to attend. Just because she wasn't invited doesn't mean I don't care about her, I simply wanted only family. My wedding = my choice. It's possible that your friend's failure to invite you had nothing to do with you personally.
Except of course that's not remotely the same scenario as OP. OP knows that lots of other mutual friends are being included, just not her. It would be as if you had included several other friends but then told your best friend she specifically wasn't welcome. Not that OP is claiming that she and this person as best friends, but still, that's the analogy, not someone who had a family-ONLY wedding with no none family members at all.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-16-2019, 02:57 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,984,374 times
Reputation: 32387
Quote:
Originally Posted by WoundedSpirit View Post
My husband and I got married in our apartment, in front of the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. In the state where we lived, you could marry yourselves in front of witnesses. We wanted only my daughter, son-in-law and two granddaughters to share this special moment with us. I invited my son, but we were estranged by his choice so he didn't come.

My best friend of three decades decided to invite herself, saying she would "stop by" on that day. As much as I love here, she is very critical of anything that is not done however she thinks it should be done. I wanted my wedding a certain way without any "you should have" or "you need to" comments, and really just wanted to share it with my immediate family. I had to tell her several times that she was welcome to "stop by" the next day before she got the idea.

I am sure she probably thought I was being harsh by not allowing her to attend. Just because she wasn't invited doesn't mean I don't care about her, I simply wanted only family. My wedding = my choice. It's possible that your friend's failure to invite you had nothing to do with you personally.
That's ice, but not related to the OP's situation at all. In the OP's case other people in their group were invited, but she wasn't. I don't think the OP would be here complaining if no one was invited. My 2 BFF's both got married without me, but they didn't invite anyone, so no reason for me to have hurt feelings. If they'd invited other friends, but not me, that would have hurt.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-16-2019, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
843 posts, read 460,493 times
Reputation: 2324
It could also be that her fiance is controlling her and the invitations are what he's decided are acceptable/not acceptable.

Cutting her off and treating her like a mere acquaintance after 18 years of closeness seems awfully harsh, especially since your reasoning for doing so are not based upon anything but your own emotions.

Ask her why. And when you ask her, listen to what she does not say, not just what she does say.

It's entirely possible that she will desperately need your listening ear/assistance if this marriage turns into a nightmare.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-17-2019, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,316 posts, read 19,756,277 times
Reputation: 45165
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
The OP said it was a local wedding and that she hasnít actually been back to see her friend in years. It also seems like they havenít even had a very personal conversation with each other in six months. That really isnít what I call a ďcloseĒ relationship for purposes of inviting someone to a wedding if it is a very small wedding. If other friends live nearby and see/talk to the friend on a regular basis, of course they should be invited over the OP.

Just because they were friends in college some years ago doesnít meal that the friendship is still the same today as it was back then. It seems like the OP has already married and gotten divorced, so I would imagine some time has passed since the college years- enough time for people to change and friendships to fade or deepen. No one is obligated to invite a college friend to a wedding if they havenít been close for 4-5 years.

This was my first thought. ^^^
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-17-2019, 05:49 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,316 posts, read 19,756,277 times
Reputation: 45165
You said you and your friend "agreed to disagree" on her fiance, so obviously something negative has been conveyed. I think unfriending her was petty.

She is having a small wedding, and invited people she was closer to than you, that line always occurs somewhere, so what can you do?

I'm sorry your hurt and felt you should have been included, and she didn't. She may have a very good reason, but you didn't talk to her, so you have no idea.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2019, 08:50 AM
 
1,179 posts, read 427,102 times
Reputation: 1166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
This was my first thought. ^^^
Already adressed earlier in the post. Several assumptions made here that are not the case.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-18-2019, 08:51 AM
 
1,179 posts, read 427,102 times
Reputation: 1166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
You said you and your friend "agreed to disagree" on her fiance, so obviously something negative has been conveyed. I think unfriending her was petty.

She is having a small wedding, and invited people she was closer to than you, that line always occurs somewhere, so what can you do?

I'm sorry your hurt and felt you should have been included, and she didn't. She may have a very good reason, but you didn't talk to her, so you have no idea.
Also things that are not the case. We agreed to disagree about the speed of the relationship not the guy.

If she had a very good readon, she most certainly would have given me one. She gave me a non reason. What’s to talk about?

I didn’t unfriend her.

I unfollowed her. There is a difference.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-22-2019, 09:57 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,823 posts, read 2,386,205 times
Reputation: 2665
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere View Post
Her family wonít even be there. They have already told her they wonít attend because they think she is making a mistake.
Not a wedding I would want to attend....sounds like you dodged a bullet there
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:15 AM.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top