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Old 03-14-2019, 07:24 AM
 
1,179 posts, read 426,940 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
Well, that would be stupid.
Right?
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Old 03-14-2019, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,706 posts, read 4,122,391 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
While it's the bride's perogative who she invites I do think it's a message that you are not as close as you thought you were.
You have two choices:
you can keep the hurt to yourself , try to continue being friends as usual and send a card and gift
OR
accept you are not a close as you thought you were and take a step back and send a card.
I agree with this right here what Spuggy said.

Some people might FEEL they are very close, but the recipient doesn't feel the same. You might just be a "close acquaintance" of hers in HER mind.

But OP, if you think she feels close to you and if this is really going to bother you for a long time, why not give her a call and talk to her.

She might offer a very valid reason which you will just have to accept, or she'll hum and haw. If she hums and haws, then you'll have your answer that you aren't an important part of her life that she wants to remain friends with, and you can just move on and let her marry the guy you and her parent's don't like. Maybe after your conversation you won't even feel like sending a card.
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Old 03-14-2019, 09:50 AM
 
9,381 posts, read 13,345,874 times
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People can invite anyone they want to their wedding and are not obligated to invite you just b/c you are a friend.


It sucks for the OP but it's not her call to make and it's presumptuous to assume you'll be invited just b/c you are a friend. Obviously something else is going on that is preventing her from inviting you. Likely it is money.


My husband and I had a ton of people we wanted to invite. We had to keep the # @ a certain amount b/c we couldn't afford higher than that. Nothing personal.
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Old 03-14-2019, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
36,941 posts, read 45,385,657 times
Reputation: 61427
How about, instead of asking us to guess, you ask HER? “Gwendolyn, help me out here. I’m having a hard time understanding why so and so was invited to your wedding, and I am not. I thought we were close friends.”
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Old 03-14-2019, 10:05 AM
 
6,359 posts, read 2,285,056 times
Reputation: 14626
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetana3 View Post
I do not agree with texting but at least she did not have a wedding you did not know about.

Under control could be under the control of others. Small probably means just that and could be due to family or really budget (as you yourself has speculated). Local could mean only locals invited since the whole thing will be small and short and she does not want people to spend money on travel.

Most likely the family itself has pushed the limits of attendees and she got in a few friends. Not everyone can afford to invite everyone they know even know well.

So are you going to fuss and worry about where you are in the hierarchy of "friends" or are you genuinely going to wish her well and continue the phone conversations?

That's what I'm thinking too. The venue might be small, and mom or MIL is insisting on including Great aunt Tilda, and since the family is paying for the wedding, blah blah blah.


He/She who holds the purse strings has the power, so to speak.
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Old 03-14-2019, 10:24 AM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,977,838 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
People can invite anyone they want to their wedding and are not obligated to invite you just b/c you are a friend.


It sucks for the OP but it's not her call to make and it's presumptuous to assume you'll be invited just b/c you are a friend. Obviously something else is going on that is preventing her from inviting you. Likely it is money.


My husband and I had a ton of people we wanted to invite. We had to keep the # @ a certain amount b/c we couldn't afford higher than that. Nothing personal.
No helpful. Clearly they can invite who they want. They apparently didn't "want" to invite the OP. That's hurtful if the situation is as the OP described, where others in their group, and also from long distances were invited. It IS personal. You chose some over others. Someone was chosen over the OP. It hurts when you can't find an apparent reason for some being chosen and others not.
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Old 03-14-2019, 10:27 AM
 
3,135 posts, read 1,639,077 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inacitysomewhere View Post
I am sorry, I truly don’t know what this means.

Yes, it is the same friend.

Maybe. It is possible that she thinks I don’t “support it.” But quite honestly she told me some things she never liked about my ex when we were dating, and it never affected our friendship or the wedding. I don’t think that is the case here either eapecially as I have never raised any actual concerns about him with her. Only that they moved perhaps, too fast. She wants her family there despite their very vocal opposition. They were all invited and she sincerely wants them. I do not think my saying it was too fast is enough for her to univite. I really just think she thinks of me as a convenient person to talk to. Regardless, it doesn’t matter.

Your friend the bride is only half the equation. Perhaps her fiance doesn't like that you expressed ANY concerns about speed or whatever.


Not having parents/family there is an entirely different matter so she would likely want them there even just for appearances. Parents will be noticeably absent.



In fact, at a wedding in my own family, the brides' parents purposely did not attend. It was talked about among other guests wondering what was going on.


Look on the bright side...you won't have to fake it with smiles, or buy a gift.
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Old 03-14-2019, 10:31 AM
 
1,395 posts, read 535,065 times
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I would just cut her off cold turkey. Once someone shows me they don't want to be bothered or whatever, that's it.
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Old 03-14-2019, 12:51 PM
 
9,381 posts, read 13,345,874 times
Reputation: 5495
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
No helpful. Clearly they can invite who they want. They apparently didn't "want" to invite the OP. That's hurtful if the situation is as the OP described, where others in their group, and also from long distances were invited. It IS personal. You chose some over others. Someone was chosen over the OP. It hurts when you can't find an apparent reason for some being chosen and others not.
It's not always personal.


I invited some friends to my wedding and some I didn't … it came down to money with us.


Most people say, "oh well I'm only one person" … some weddings, you can pay around $150 per person. It adds up! So yes that extra person can be a big deal.


How do you know they didn't want to invite the OP? Maybe they were @ max with what they could afford.
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Old 03-14-2019, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Texas
9,124 posts, read 3,537,272 times
Reputation: 18938
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
No helpful. Clearly they can invite who they want. They apparently didn't "want" to invite the OP. That's hurtful if the situation is as the OP described, where others in their group, and also from long distances were invited. It IS personal. You chose some over others. Someone was chosen over the OP. It hurts when you can't find an apparent reason for some being chosen and others not.
It would also hurt the wedding couple's finances if they invited every single person they ever knew. It's a small wedding. They don't owe anyone anything.

If they had invited the OP and she came here complaining about being expected to travel long distance people would say the wedding couple was rude in that situation too, and call it a "gift grab". I've seen this time and time again. In fact there was a thread like this not too long ago.

People who are getting married can't win. If they do invite someone, it's rude. If they don't invite someone, it's rude.

It's rude, offensive or hurtful either way.

There are strong feelings when people we know get married. Sometimes, those negative feelings spring from jealousy. A newlywed couple embarking on their future together while others around them may be newly divorced, unhappily married or terminally single. People should learn to get a better grip on their emotions and learn how to cope with jealousy and resentment, just a teeny bit better.
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