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Old 03-18-2019, 09:50 PM
 
Location: California
843 posts, read 229,131 times
Reputation: 2397

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This is exactly why I'm kind of unfriendly to my neighbors. It sucks, but I've been in a situation like this before where I was polite and friendly, and the person kept pushing the boundary. I've since learned that it's better to be a little unfriendly and have your neighbors think you're a b*tch than it is to be overly friendly and end up in this situation. Especially as a woman living alone, it's something I'm really cautious about.

People who behave like your neighbor are lacking empathy if not outright sociopathic. Any normal human would be aware that they are invading someone's space and crossing a boundary. This man simply doesn't care. You've told him it's bothering you, and he keeps doing it. That means you're going to have to get harsh.

I think the best thing you can do is be brutally honest. Say that he's making you uncomfortable. Don't hint about it or be overly polite. Be blunt. Say "Look man, I get that you're an extroverted, talkative dude, but we're not like that. We don't really want to socialize. When we're home, we want to be home alone unless WE invite people over. So you need to stop coming over without an invitation like this. If it doesn't stop, we're going to have a problem."

If he ignores THAT, it's time to pursue legal action because at that point, it will be harassment.
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Old 03-18-2019, 10:55 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,720 posts, read 12,225,075 times
Reputation: 26129
Dirty old man, Lol.
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Old 03-19-2019, 12:10 AM
 
741 posts, read 391,925 times
Reputation: 3448
The man is lonely and has Alzheimer’s/dementia. All the inappropriate questions are due to this. Have empathy for his condition, say hello and goodbye, be polite. If tries to engage you in longer conversation, tell him you have a pressing issue to deal with. Do this every time. When he calls, ignore his calls or send him to voicemail. Gently tell his wife what’s been going on and get her phone number. When he knocks on your door, ignore it and call him wife to ask her to come fetch him. Good luck.
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Old 03-19-2019, 04:14 AM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,345 posts, read 7,822,618 times
Reputation: 18569
Quote:
Originally Posted by FairMindedLL View Post
The man is lonely and has Alzheimer’s/dementia. All the inappropriate questions are due to this. Have empathy for his condition, say hello and goodbye, be polite. If tries to engage you in longer conversation, tell him you have a pressing issue to deal with. Do this every time. When he calls, ignore his calls or send him to voicemail. Gently tell his wife what’s been going on and get her phone number. When he knocks on your door, ignore it and call him wife to ask her to come fetch him. Good luck.
This is the best advice you're going to get. Walking away from someone who is making you uncomfortable is not rude - it's self-preservation.
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Old 03-19-2019, 06:27 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,104 posts, read 5,387,964 times
Reputation: 12612
FWIW, his behavior is not American culture.

Block his number on your cell phones. If you run into him in passing say “Gotta go!” and continue about your business. When he makes inappropriate comments, tell him they’re inappropriate, offensive and walk away.

I don’t agree with the poster above who chalked it up dementia. That’s not necessarily the case. Some people are just rude and inappropriate. Some older people think they can be rude and inappropriate because they’ve earned the right.

Disengage. Disengage. Disengage.
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:01 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,092 posts, read 45,594,679 times
Reputation: 61699
He is definitely not acting normally. Have you met the wife, OP? I am not Asian, but I was also raised to be respectful of older people, so I understand how you could have gotten in trouble before you realized the man is a bit nutty.

If I were you, I would be blunt. Tell him not to drop by uninvited anymore, and not to call unless it’s an emergency. You do not need to explain yourself. Just say you like your privacy. Maybe you could get a RING doorbell, so you can see who is at the door.

I would also speak to his wife alone, and tell her the same thing. If she is normal, she must realize how inappropriate her husband can be.
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,609 posts, read 4,680,291 times
Reputation: 27836
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
If I were you, I would be blunt. Tell him not to drop by uninvited anymore, and not to call unless it’s an emergency. You do not need to explain yourself. Just say you like your privacy. Maybe you could get a RING doorbell, so you can see who is at the door.
Good idea.

It gives you video evidence, too, should this progress to full-fledged day-and-night harassment.
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:24 AM
 
3,257 posts, read 4,474,703 times
Reputation: 4921
Sometimes Alzheimer’s patients speak inappropriately about sex. Can’t exclude that. But in any case this is intolerable. I would move and change my number. Even if the move is nearby. I wouldn’t live with this going on. There is no way being abrupt is going to stop him from approaching you endlessly. You will be living in suspense wondering if and when he will call or knock at the door again. When you move be more cautious with new people. If someone is inappropriate cut them out the first time. This isn’t American culture. Good luck, I’m sorry this happened to you.
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:43 AM
 
2,053 posts, read 595,092 times
Reputation: 2905
Just call adult/senior social services the man is senile and needs to be watched
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:58 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
10,279 posts, read 4,856,239 times
Reputation: 21666
Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlInYellowSocks View Post
It shouldn’t have. Like I said, it was a MISTAKE! Somewhere we had a soft corner for him considering his age and his loneliness. Moreover, we did not think it would come back to bite us. Poor judgement, we read him wrong.
Block his number on your cell phone or does he have your landline number? I agree don't answer the door - if you run into him just tell him his comments are completely out of line and you are sorry but you are not going to have any further interaction with him.
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