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Old 03-19-2019, 12:33 PM
 
3,927 posts, read 2,556,333 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LieslMet View Post
None of which is the problem of anyone except this old man doing creepy things and his family. Putting him in care might s*ck for them. Yeah.

Which is why his wife needs a reminder that this is HER problem, not the problem of neighbors not tolerating his behavior. The police can explain this to her. Lock him in. Have him arrested for harm and let the court decide whether to jail him or put him into a psych ward. This is HER problem, not theirs.
I'm guessing you've never had a family member with dementia.

As I posted earlier the wife does need to be told. Hopefully adult protective services can help but I doubt it. Resources to help with dementia patients are few and far between unless you are destitute.
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Old 03-19-2019, 12:34 PM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,598,336 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
His wife, of course.

She needs to be told that he is harassing you and using offensive language and that if he doesn't leave you alone you will be calling elder protective services. It sounds like he needs care and is being neglected at home.

Exactly, the wife probably thinks it's OK to let him roam the apartment complex.

Clearly there is something wrong with him, he is saying and asking things that go way beyond normal boundaries.

The wife needs to be talked to.

It can be done in polite but firm manner.
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Old 03-19-2019, 12:39 PM
 
26,316 posts, read 24,418,305 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Exactly, the wife probably thinks it's OK to let him roam the apartment complex.

Clearly there is something wrong with him, he is saying and asking things that go way beyond normal boundaries.

The wife needs to be talked to.

It can be done in polite but firm manner.
unfortunately, there are people like this out there...one of our neighbors brother is disgusting....

I have been sitting in a hospital waiting for a test, and a woman and her husband both asked me questions like that, and saw nothing wrong with it...some people are just that bold.

Me, I told them they were overstepping boundaries, and didn't' appreciate it...and they looked at me like I was the inappropriate one.

but, if there is something wrong with him and his wife is allowing him to roam the halls, he might get hurt....
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Old 03-19-2019, 12:48 PM
 
9,741 posts, read 16,880,524 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LieslMet View Post
None of which is the problem of anyone except this old man doing creepy things and his family. Putting him in care might s*ck for them. Yeah.

Which is why his wife needs a reminder that this is HER problem, not the problem of neighbors not tolerating his behavior. The police can explain this to her. Lock him in. Have him arrested for harm and let the court decide whether to jail him or put him into a psych ward. This is HER problem, not theirs.
Yes, it is his wife's problem to deal with however, you clearly don't have any idea how the criminal justice system or the criminal court system works.
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Old 03-19-2019, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
36,949 posts, read 45,395,424 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
Exactly, the wife probably thinks it's OK to let him roam the apartment complex.

Clearly there is something wrong with him, he is saying and asking things that go way beyond normal boundaries.

The wife needs to be talked to.

It can be done in polite but firm manner.
I imagine when hubby is out roaming, itís a blessed relief for the wife.
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Old 03-19-2019, 12:51 PM
 
18,117 posts, read 19,872,841 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joe from dayton View Post
I agree with this mostly. The police aren't going to do anything. His wife may need a social work referral to see what resources are out there to help her manage this situation. When my dad got dementia he started making very inappropriate comments as well.
Walking in their house uninvited...yeah they will do something
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Old 03-19-2019, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,578 posts, read 14,187,164 times
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I suspect dementia in this case too. But he could be just someone who has no filter. Whichever it is, he is a pest. I do agree that you should tactfully approach his wife and tell her that he is visiting uninvited and that he does not respect polite boundaries. She might be able to do something.

If this does not work, my recommendation is to not answer the door unless you are expecting someone. My DH and I often do not answer a knock on our door. It would be good if you had a peephole or camera that would allow you to know if he was at your door.

I suspect this old, bored old guy has worn out his welcome in other units by doing there what he is doing with you. You and spouse are new, and you have tolerated him, so he keeps coming back.

And of course, you could simply tell him not to come round uninvited. He probably has a thick hide. He’s been told that before, I imagine.
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Old 03-19-2019, 12:59 PM
 
16,992 posts, read 20,598,336 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
unfortunately, there are people like this out there...one of our neighbors brother is disgusting....

I have been sitting in a hospital waiting for a test, and a woman and her husband both asked me questions like that, and saw nothing wrong with it...some people are just that bold.

Me, I told them they were overstepping boundaries, and didn't' appreciate it...and they looked at me like I was the inappropriate one.

but, if there is something wrong with him and his wife is allowing him to roam the halls, he might get hurt....
True, there are people who have no filters.

I think though due to his age it could possibly be dementia.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I imagine when hubby is out roaming, itís a blessed relief for the wife.
It probably is, but there are "day care" facilities that would be safer and avoid this issue. It's not up to the neighbors to have to deal with it.

Best solution talk to the wife and see what kind of response they get. If that doesn't work talk to the property manager or if there is an onsite manager.
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Old 03-19-2019, 01:01 PM
 
792 posts, read 325,370 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowan123 View Post
I'm guessing you've never had a family member with dementia.

As I posted earlier the wife does need to be told. Hopefully adult protective services can help but I doubt it. Resources to help with dementia patients are few and far between unless you are destitute.
Every woman in my family gets Alzheimer's, on both sides, starting with dementia in their early 70s and full-on Alz by the late 70s. I am familiar with this. I expect that I will have this. I will be a cranky, old B, maybe ripping off my diaper and $hi++ing herself in a bed in the dining room... nice one moment and a terror the next. With a cat to keep me cozy on my lap when I'm nice and to warn everyone else, because the cat knows I'm about to turn just before I do. Every 10-20 years, someone in the family has a formerly lovely mother/grandmother/aunt/great-grandmother in an easy-access room. We give her a cat. We pass her around when/if she burns through the capabilities of that family. As women, the likelihood of being raped in care is high. (It wouldn't be so for a man but that has yet to happen.) And so, we keep the women at home. It's cheaper to pay someone already at home for care than put her into a home. This is standard procedure, in my family.

That this happens has never been the neighbors' problem except for the first time we're notified by the police that she has done something completely inappropriate and they were called.
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Old 03-19-2019, 01:08 PM
 
3,927 posts, read 2,556,333 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LieslMet View Post
Every woman in my family gets Alzheimer's, on both sides, starting with dementia in their early 70s and full-on Alz by the late 70s. I am familiar with this. I expect that I will have this. I will be a cranky, old B, maybe ripping off my diaper and $hi++ing herself in a bed in the dining room... nice one moment and a terror the next. With a cat to keep me cozy on my lap when I'm nice and to warn everyone else, because the cat knows I'm about to turn just before I do. Every 10-20 years, someone in the family has a formerly lovely mother/grandmother/aunt/great-grandmother in an easy-access room. We pass her around when/if she burns through the capabilities of that family. As women, the likelihood of being raped in care is high. (It wouldn't be so for a man but that has yet to happen.) And so, we keep the women at home. It's cheaper to pay someone already at home for care than put her into a home.

That this happens has never been the neighbors' problem except for the first time we're notified by the police that she has done something completely inappropriate and they were called.
Well it's good that you have a large family and a lot of support to care for someone with dementia but not everyone does. It's not always possible to keep someone with the disease at home.

Hope the OP can get resolution.
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