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Old 03-18-2019, 02:15 PM
 
4 posts, read 5,778 times
Reputation: 27

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We are an Asian couple who moved in to a new apartment in the US. We are quiet and like to be by ourselves at home. One day my husband was going out and he saw an old man walking towards the elevator, so he stopped the elevator for man, who turned out to be our 70 year old next door neighbor who lives there with his wife. That first conversation with my husband and the man went on for about 20 minutes where he asked personal questions like 'How much do you weigh?', 'How much do you get paid?', 'Is your wife beautiful?', 'Go hug your wife, give her a kiss' etc. He also talked, nay, bragged about his - daughter, son, showed their pictures, talked about their work. We should have understood that he is trying to be overly friendly and stopped engaging in any more conversations, but my husband felt like he's an old man, who is genuine but has no filter. MISTAKE 1.

The second conversation was near the mail room where he repeated some of those questions and bragged more about his daughter who is on TV. This time he asked if we have a baby, and my husband said no. When he was about to leave said 'Don't get her pregnant today, hahaha'. For us, talking about such personal things was out of bounds. We couldn't understand if these jokes are a cultural thing that we don't understand. MISTAKE 2.

The third time, he directly knocked at our door for no reason. He asked my husband where I was and when he said I was in the bathroom, he said 'I don't wanna see her naked. I'm gonna tell you a joke, will you laugh at it? I already had sex with your wife 5 times already'. My husband was furious so he slammed the door on him. Again, we couldn't get if it was ok in American culture to pass this off as a joke.

I guess we both had cooled down by the weekend. It was a Saturday and we did not have any plans when this man knocked again. This time, I opened the door and it was the first time he saw me. His first line was 'You are the most beautiful lady I've ever seen'. He is the same age as my father so I addressed him with respect. He straight away walked in and sat on the couch and made himself home!! 1 hour of bragging about his daughter. We thought this man is bored out of his mind and has no one to talk to, so we did not discourage him, respecting his age. When i asked about his wife, he said she wasn't home and that she doesn't like him talking to neighbors especially because he brags about his daughter a lot. I generally smile when I talk and he said, you need to stop smiling or he would have sex with me! I immediately stopped him saying he is my father's age and we find such jokes very inappropriate. He stopped for a while but kept making personal comments, asking us about our sex life, baby plans etc. He spoke and spoke and spoke for 2 more hours when we finally said we need to go out. He took down my husband's number - MISTAKE 3.

Since then he has kept on calling for no good reason. He knocks at least 4 times in a day and if we don't answer, he calls on the phone. His wife once realized that he is at our home so she called him and asked him to come back right away for which he asked us to lie to her that we just ran into each other in the hallway. We outright refused and asked him to leave. We figured that he has been sneaking out when his wife is home to come and talk to us. We could hear them through the walls having a huge fight. After that incident, we thought he won't visit us for the sake of his wife but nope!

We have told him politely that we don't like him visiting us so many times but he's very persistent. I don't understand how to put an end to this. Please help!
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Old 03-18-2019, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Lil Rhodey
679 posts, read 463,710 times
Reputation: 938
Wow. He definitely was out of line. I guess the best thing you can do is be direct. polite, but direct. If he still persists, maybe talk to his wife. If all else fails, talk to your property manager. good luck!
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Old 03-18-2019, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Lebanon, OH
5,888 posts, read 6,321,555 times
Reputation: 12541
Since you are Asian, and this advice will work for any Asian living in the US, if an idiot tries to talk to you which happens a lot in this country, pretend that you can't understand English.

Last edited by JMT; 03-18-2019 at 06:38 PM..
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Old 03-18-2019, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,220 posts, read 41,812,025 times
Reputation: 82991
He obviously has no manners, so you are under no obligation to use them when dealing with him.

1) Do not answer the door when he knocks. Ever.
2) If you run into him in the hallway, do not stop. Keep walking, no eye contact, and say, "Hello Mr. Smith. No time today!" Then go in, or get on the elevator and go about your business, or use the stairs if he also is heading to the elevator.
3) Do not let him in your apartment. If he is pushy, put your hand up and say, "NO, sorry, we are not having visitors. Good night!" Then close the door.

You will need to be VERY abrupt with him. If he asks you why, tell him his comments are inappropriate and you would like to maintain your privacy. Then stop talking.

If he will not stop or keeps harassing you, contact property management.
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Old 03-18-2019, 07:17 PM
 
1,949 posts, read 5,316,453 times
Reputation: 1280
How did he get your number to call?
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Old 03-18-2019, 07:19 PM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,554,182 times
Reputation: 20505
It sounds like he has dementia and/or mania.
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Old 03-18-2019, 08:17 PM
 
4 posts, read 5,778 times
Reputation: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamitrail View Post
How did he get your number to call?
I know itís gonna sound very stupid. He took it down casually during the conversation with us about phones. We were so carried away that we fell right into the trap.
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Old 03-18-2019, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,220 posts, read 41,812,025 times
Reputation: 82991
Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlInYellowSocks View Post
I know itís gonna sound very stupid. He took it down casually during the conversation with us about phones. We were so carried away that we fell right into the trap.
Really?

How does your full phone number come up casually?
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Old 03-18-2019, 08:26 PM
 
4 posts, read 5,778 times
Reputation: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
He obviously has no manners, so you are under no obligation to use them when dealing with him.

1) Do not answer the door when he knocks. Ever.
2) If you run into him in the hallway, do not stop. Keep walking, no eye contact, and say, "Hello Mr. Smith. No time today!" Then go in, or get on the elevator and go about your business, or use the stairs if he also is heading to the elevator.
3) Do not let him in your apartment. If he is pushy, put your hand up and say, "NO, sorry, we are not having visitors. Good night!" Then close the door.

You will need to be VERY abrupt with him. If he asks you why, tell him his comments are inappropriate and you would like to maintain your privacy. Then stop talking.

If he will not stop or keeps harassing you, contact property management.
Thanks for your suggestions. I hope it works! Every time I think of ignoring him abruptly makes me think of my parents who are of his age and are living by themselves back home, who also get lonely so I make sure I call them everyday. Itís the least I can do. But I need to stop showing pity towards him because my parents would never go out of line like this.

Assertive confrontations donít come naturally to either me or my husband but in this case we have to deal with it because we canít live with it like this.
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Old 03-18-2019, 08:30 PM
 
4 posts, read 5,778 times
Reputation: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Really?

How does your full phone number come up casually?
It shouldn’t have. Like I said, it was a MISTAKE! Somewhere we had a soft corner for him considering his age and his loneliness. Moreover, we did not think it would come back to bite us. Poor judgement, we read him wrong.

Last edited by GirlInYellowSocks; 03-18-2019 at 08:47 PM..
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