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Old 03-20-2019, 04:29 PM
 
1,384 posts, read 535,608 times
Reputation: 3069

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It can't be the field.There are TONS of sales jobs all over the place.He needs to get back home and apply for work from home SALES jobs.There are TONS of them.He would in the home and it would save you guys a lot of hassle overall with commute and clothes.AT least now he can move back home to you and the kids. Things will work out for the best this time.
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Old 03-21-2019, 05:51 AM
 
6,018 posts, read 2,768,209 times
Reputation: 15219
Sounds like the husband is expected to bring home the bacon at all times.

I'm a female and had the foundation to be 100% accountable for food and shelter . My marriage didn't change that. When hubby went full time masters program...I tracked down a job and we raised our kids frugally. I not once held my hubby accountable for MY career or how I lived. He was my partner. We leaned on each other and conceded that when rough times arose..we'd push thru it.

If you have kids ..clothed..fed and we'll mannered ....then you have no black cloud. You have "moments" that are outside your coping skills ...so take that as a comfort. It's unrealistic to think you should handle it all with flair.

I feel for your husband...he silently had to give up being with family. You don't get that time back...
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Old 03-21-2019, 06:10 AM
 
5,229 posts, read 2,265,657 times
Reputation: 14578
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Sounds like the husband is expected to bring home the bacon at all times.

I'm a female and had the foundation to be 100% accountable for food and shelter . My marriage didn't change that. When hubby went full time masters program...I tracked down a job and we raised our kids frugally. I not once held my hubby accountable for MY career or how I lived. He was my partner. We leaned on each other and conceded that when rough times arose..we'd push thru it.

If you have kids ..clothed..fed and we'll mannered ....then you have no black cloud. You have "moments" that are outside your coping skills ...so take that as a comfort. It's unrealistic to think you should handle it all with flair.

I feel for your husband...he silently had to give up being with family. You don't get that time back...
Not in this case. There is a long history here. OP works also.
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Old 03-21-2019, 06:29 AM
 
783 posts, read 321,355 times
Reputation: 2390
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Sounds like the husband is expected to bring home the bacon at all times.

I'm a female and had the foundation to be 100% accountable for food and shelter . My marriage didn't change that. When hubby went full time masters program...I tracked down a job and we raised our kids frugally. I not once held my hubby accountable for MY career or how I lived. He was my partner. We leaned on each other and conceded that when rough times arose..we'd push thru it.

If you have kids ..clothed..fed and we'll mannered ....then you have no black cloud. You have "moments" that are outside your coping skills ...so take that as a comfort. It's unrealistic to think you should handle it all with flair.

I feel for your husband...he silently had to give up being with family. You don't get that time back...
To clarify, he chose positions that took him away... he's a grown man. If he'd really wanted to prioritize being with his family, he would have done so.
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Old 03-21-2019, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,097 posts, read 10,213,227 times
Reputation: 32878
Sounds like a marriage that hasn't been a marriage for a long time. Hope your husband finds a way to be around his kid(s?) more, even if your marriage doesn't work.
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Old 03-21-2019, 07:36 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,986 posts, read 21,609,120 times
Reputation: 22075
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Sounds like the husband is expected to bring home the bacon at all times.

I'm a female and had the foundation to be 100% accountable for food and shelter . My marriage didn't change that. When hubby went full time masters program...I tracked down a job and we raised our kids frugally. I not once held my hubby accountable for MY career or how I lived. He was my partner. We leaned on each other and conceded that when rough times arose..we'd push thru it.

If you have kids ..clothed..fed and we'll mannered ....then you have no black cloud. You have "moments" that are outside your coping skills ...so take that as a comfort. It's unrealistic to think you should handle it all with flair.

I feel for your husband...he silently had to give up being with family. You don't get that time back...
Seriously read the entire thread before you throw down at me.

I work full time. I have been the one to 'bring home the bacon' for the majority of our marriage. When he lost his last job, I took a promotion, not wanting it, but knowing we needed the money. I have worked two jobs several times throughout our marriage to help with finances. I started looking for a second job last week to help us beef up our savings. I have run the household. I have taken care of the kids solo for essentially six years. Literally it feels as if everything is on my shoulders.

My husband chose to take a job out of state putting me in this situation (I asked him not to). My husband hasn't contribute anything but money since we moved to Texas. He does the best he can from afar, but really it isn't much, it isn't enough support for the family. He was out East with our old friends and family, leaving me in TX to support everything solo. I have only a small handful of friends, no support system in place whatsoever.

Everyone's life is different, you may not understand why I feel there is a black cloud over me, or understand depression. Perhaps you should do a little bit of research before you kick someone when they are down.
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:11 AM
 
6,018 posts, read 2,768,209 times
Reputation: 15219
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
Seriously read the entire thread before you throw down at me.

I work full time. I have been the one to 'bring home the bacon' for the majority of our marriage. When he lost his last job, I took a promotion, not wanting it, but knowing we needed the money. I have worked two jobs several times throughout our marriage to help with finances. I started looking for a second job last week to help us beef up our savings. I have run the household. I have taken care of the kids solo for essentially six years. Literally it feels as if everything is on my shoulders.

My husband chose to take a job out of state putting me in this situation (I asked him not to). My husband hasn't contribute anything but money since we moved to Texas. He does the best he can from afar, but really it isn't much, it isn't enough support for the family. He was out East with our old friends and family, leaving me in TX to support everything solo. I have only a small handful of friends, no support system in place whatsoever.

Everyone's life is different, you may not understand why I feel there is a black cloud over me, or understand depression. Perhaps you should do a little bit of research before you kick someone when they are down.
I agree. Sorry that you chose to not see the silver lining. Stay in your "moment" ..
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Old 03-21-2019, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,986 posts, read 21,609,120 times
Reputation: 22075
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
I agree. Sorry that you chose to not see the silver lining. Stay in your "moment" ..
What, what a ****ty thing to say...
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Old 03-21-2019, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
55,446 posts, read 54,082,355 times
Reputation: 65499
This is not a black cloud, although I completely understand how it feels that way.

This is codependency. While the term is usually applied to someone who is taking on too much to cover for someone who has a drug or alcohol problem, it can stretch to other situations as well, and it seems to be that way in your case.

In your own words:

Quote:
I work full time. I have been the one to 'bring home the bacon' for the majority of our marriage. When he lost his last job, I took a promotion, not wanting it, but knowing we needed the money. I have worked two jobs several times throughout our marriage to help with finances. I started looking for a second job last week to help us beef up our savings. I have run the household. I have taken care of the kids solo for essentially six years. Literally it feels as if everything is on my shoulders.

My husband chose to take a job out of state putting me in this situation (I asked him not to). My husband hasn't contribute anything but money since we moved to Texas. He does the best he can from afar, but really it isn't much, it isn't enough support for the family. He was out East with our old friends and family, leaving me in TX to support everything solo. I have only a small handful of friends, no support system in place whatsoever.
Yeah, per the underlined, it feels that way because IT IS that way.

The overly simplified answer is that you can't do anything to change someone else, but you can change how you react, the boundaries you set, and how much you will allow someone else to control your life.

Here's some basic info. See if you see yourself and your relationship in there, and if so, what steps you can take to change things. You might just learn to blow that black cloud away.

I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.

https://positivepsychologyprogram.co...ns-worksheets/
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Old 03-21-2019, 11:27 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,782 posts, read 69,755,523 times
Reputation: 75518
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
He's been looking for two years. Since we moved to Texas, he travels, he hasn't really lived here. Not have local connections or an understanding of the market has made it really tough. That is why he got a job out east.
OP, could it be an age-discrimination thing? I don't know how old he is, nor the backstory to your and his relationship, but this crossed my mind.
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