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Old 03-25-2019, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,399 posts, read 4,553,576 times
Reputation: 27067

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Quote:
Originally Posted by moneymkt View Post
Well I called my mom today and the first thing she said was.."I apologize for what I said in the text message" and I told her I never read them. So it looks like I made the right decision to ignore them and just call today because I know for a fact I would have probably been upset after reading whatever she sent me.
I do that, too -- stop reading a message if I think it's only going to upset me.

I think your cooling-off period was a good idea. The people in the thread trying to pummel you with guilt for doing otherwise must have Mommy-brain.
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Old 03-25-2019, 11:54 AM
 
792 posts, read 325,370 times
Reputation: 2420
Quote:
Originally Posted by moneymkt View Post
Well I called my mom today and the first thing she said was.."I apologize for what I said in the text message" and I told her I never read them. So it looks like I made the right decision to ignore them and just call today because I know for a fact I would have probably been upset after reading whatever she sent me.
I'm glad it worked out!

The next time you enforce a clear boundary, BE GOOD WITH IT, yourself. That's what the boundary is for... to state it, then keep it. Other people pounding on it or being angry about it will not matter. It's YOURS. Your mom will come to realize that and maybe, come to find that boundaries can be helpful for her too.
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Old 03-25-2019, 11:58 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,972 posts, read 69,907,126 times
Reputation: 75762
Quote:
Originally Posted by LieslMet View Post
I'm glad it worked out!

The next time you enforce a clear boundary, BE GOOD WITH IT, yourself. That's what the boundary is for... to state it, then keep it. Other people pounding on it or being angry about it will not matter. It's YOURS. Your mom will come to realize that and maybe, come to find that boundaries can be helpful for her too.
Very good points. Well said.
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Old 03-25-2019, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Rochester, WA
5,391 posts, read 2,997,103 times
Reputation: 14738
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
I think your cooling-off period was a good idea. The people in the thread trying to pummel you with guilt for doing otherwise must have Mommy-brain.

Many of us just don't understand why a text from mom asking for a phone call would cause a son or daughter to fly into a rage. I think I'm missing some critical background.
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Old 03-25-2019, 12:04 PM
 
16,801 posts, read 14,444,532 times
Reputation: 37856
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana Holbrook View Post
Many of us just don't understand why a text from mom asking for a phone call would cause a son or daughter to fly into a rage. I think I'm missing some critical background.
I agree. Sounds like the whole family suffers from a mood disorder.
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Old 03-25-2019, 12:27 PM
 
6,373 posts, read 2,285,056 times
Reputation: 14654
My aggravation with the whole thing was him claiming to be a grown up, and then coming here wanting justification for not responding to texts from his mom.


Geez, be the grown up and own up to your decisions. Whatever the decisions are.
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Old 03-25-2019, 07:21 PM
 
564 posts, read 151,196 times
Reputation: 1388
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
My aggravation with the whole thing was him claiming to be a grown up, and then coming here wanting justification for not responding to texts from his mom.


Geez, be the grown up and own up to your decisions. Whatever the decisions are.
If I am not mistaken, it looks like the OP has asked for an advice regarding a situation where emotions are involved.
In some cases some people have difficulty “ de- coding” personal interactions, especially when it is not face to face- and some facial or voice “ clues “ are missing.
To the OP:
Advice:
in the majority of the situations it is ok to not respond by text right away, especially if you were having plans to do something and did not want to get engaged in texting or calling right away.
However, sometimes it is simpler just to send a short text “ sorry, I can’t talk right now- at the library, in the movies, with a bunch of guys, etc, etc - will call you tomorrow, hope everything is ok” and add a smiley, a rose-and love you!
so your Mom gets your signal- you are busy, but you are not “ ignoring” her and that you are nice to her- you texted her a rose or a kiss or something like that.
That is why they called emoticons - to show however superficially your “ emotions”- it is simple and people like getting smileys as if you really smiled at them!

If the person continues texting after that - then you can ignore the texts for a while. ( unless it is some sort of emergency- then you do need to answer even though you don’t want to do that.Such is life- sometimes we have to do things due to obligation, not because we want it)
Hope it helps you next time.
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Old 03-25-2019, 11:41 PM
 
6,071 posts, read 2,792,798 times
Reputation: 15366
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nik4me View Post
If I am not mistaken, it looks like the OP has asked for an advice regarding a situation where emotions are involved.
In some cases some people have difficulty “ de- coding” personal interactions, especially when it is not face to face- and some facial or voice “ clues “ are missing.
To the OP:
Advice:
in the majority of the situations it is ok to not respond by text right away, especially if you were having plans to do something and did not want to get engaged in texting or calling right away.
However, sometimes it is simpler just to send a short text “ sorry, I can’t talk right now- at the library, in the movies, with a bunch of guys, etc, etc - will call you tomorrow, hope everything is ok” and add a smiley, a rose-and love you!
so your Mom gets your signal- you are busy, but you are not “ ignoring” her and that you are nice to her- you texted her a rose or a kiss or something like that.
That is why they called emoticons - to show however superficially your “ emotions”- it is simple and people like getting smileys as if you really smiled at them!

If the person continues texting after that - then you can ignore the texts for a while. ( unless it is some sort of emergency- then you do need to answer even though you don’t want to do that.Such is life- sometimes we have to do things due to obligation, not because we want it)
Hope it helps you next time.
I like how you systematically broke this down.

Where we disagree is the OP was 100% avoiding being civil and responsive. I, like, others usually prioritize and understand that just as OUR time is important, so too is the one we are in conversation with.

I wouldn't apologize to my offspring if they rebuffed my text. This OP made it seem like she did the right thing....all in the wrong ways of course!
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Old 03-26-2019, 06:52 AM
 
801 posts, read 220,708 times
Reputation: 2202
She shouldn't be passive-aggressive by saying "Call me some time" if it's important, then get mad if you don't call. OTOH, she did say to call her "today" and your response was that you would call tomorrow. Your response could have been, "I'll be really busy today and not sure if I'll be home until late, is it important?"

But I don't see why you would need to call her "yelling and screaming," either. Exactly what do you expect this text of hers to say that it will rile you up so much that you will scream and swear at her??

I get that there are some people you just can't call unless you have a long time to spend talking (trust me, I do, so I'm not with the other people who assume "oh it's just going to be a couple minutes"), but "yell[ing] at the top of [your]lungs"?? I have anger-management issues, but wow, a text from my mom wouldn't even remotely be a trigger (unless maybe her text was something like "just burned a puppy alive, wanna see pics?? " ).


Quote:
Originally Posted by moneymkt View Post
That's what I did but she responded with 2 more text messages probably saying something that was going to make upset so I deleted them. I didn't want to get myself aggravated so I said it's best to ignore the text call tomorrow.
But... you didn't know what the texts said. They could have said "No, it really needs to be today, we got some bad news from the doctor/the house burned down/whatever." Yes, it could have been nothing. But. You didn't know.

And if what she writes is rude, disrespectful, hurtful, etc., then you remind her that talking to someone like that does not make them want to interact with you.
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Old 03-26-2019, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
15,691 posts, read 26,668,043 times
Reputation: 20267
I call my dad and mom once a week. Last night a talked to my dad for 40 minutes or so. I usually call on a Sunday. This week Monday worked better.

I am 53 and have my own family to worry about. One thing that I worry about is that my dad is now 80 (almost 81) They are doing well health wise and financially. Still, you never know how fast someone can go.

If my parents or sisters or brothers called I would not have the time to talk to them. Other than our weekly chats my parents will text if something comes up. They have seldom if ever done that though. I don't see the reason for any other communication other than the weekly talks. Seems to me that we would be regurgitating old information that we has already talked about. I don't have that kind of time to waste.
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