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Old 03-26-2019, 09:18 AM
 
11 posts, read 4,402 times
Reputation: 15

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LieslMet View Post
But see ^all that^?

None of it matters anymore. He can and will do whatever he wants and not a morsel of it affects you because he is not your friend. You are taking fresh steps right now... don't go walking through the back garden you know is full of dogpoop. You'll get $hiT on your shoes.

I guess so I just still can't see him as a bad guy, and I always remember the good times we had. He has done nice things for me in the past, like he has helped me moving from one apt to another one, he has picked me up at the airport once, he was there for me when I was anxious, he was always responsive when texting and wanted to make plans with me. But this all seems to be in the past, he doesn't do any of these things anymore and it makes me sad.
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Old 03-26-2019, 09:19 AM
 
11 posts, read 4,402 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Blue View Post
You need to Move on. I imagine he has found another "sugar momma", who is not as "platonic" as his relationship with you was.

Possibly. I was never his sugar momma though. I'm still waiting for him to pay me back those $500, but besides that I have never paid things for him. I mean I have, like drinks, but he has also paid for me so we're even in that sense.
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Old 03-26-2019, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,568 posts, read 14,187,164 times
Reputation: 30177
I think its the money. He canít or wonít pay you back. He might reappear later in a friendly way if he needs something from you.

There is a lesson here for you to learn. Some people are not what they seem.
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Old 03-26-2019, 04:47 PM
 
4,072 posts, read 9,041,575 times
Reputation: 3289
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I'm guessing you're a girl, and he's a guy? The best I can come up with is that he either (A) has strong feelings for you that he's not handling very well, so he's trying to distance himself from you, or (B) He DID have strong feelings for you, but realized he was friend zoned, so he moved on.


It sucks. I know. About the best advice I have is, try to avoid him. It MIGHT give him the opportunity to miss you. But be mentally and emotionally prepared that it might not make much difference with him. But...it'll help YOU to move on.
This is it.

I would move on
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Old 03-26-2019, 06:45 PM
 
5,335 posts, read 3,384,255 times
Reputation: 13395
This is where the term 'fair-weather friend' is derived. People lose interest. Some cannot sustain a friendship or do not wish to. It happens to most people - someone they care about drops away.
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Old 03-27-2019, 05:25 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
36,940 posts, read 45,385,657 times
Reputation: 61417
It sounds like he used you up. If heís still not working, he probably needs to go find new girls to borrow money from. Heís avoiding you now, forfear you will start asking for your money.

My advice to you is, write off the money, because you arenít getting it back, and find some new friends. Stop chasing after him, itís not dignified. If he communicates with you, make him earn your friendship back.
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Old 03-27-2019, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,396 posts, read 4,548,757 times
Reputation: 27043
Quote:
Originally Posted by sailorvenus View Post
Ya, I lend him the money a couple of weeks before his behaviour started changing. I'm not afraid though that he won't pay me back, he isn't that type of guy. Basically he's been living off his savings, and he doesn't pay rent because he lived in the apt that his parents own.

At some point, though, his savings will run out. And as you say, he doesn't seem to be going on job interviews.

I'm sorry. I would feel like crap if someone had taken advantage of me the way he did you.
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Old 03-27-2019, 11:58 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,945 posts, read 69,907,126 times
Reputation: 75730
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Friends can change their attitude on a dime. It's a strange thing about human nature. Many people might not change so quickly or so abruptly, but others think nothing of doing so.

Feelings about people can change abruptly. Also some people have feelings about certain people that do not go deep and they also can have loyalty that does not go deep.

While some people take friendships really seriously, some others do not. Some may have objections about a person which just one day make them break away.
That's a very good point.OP, apparently he was into being friends when he needed someone to talk to, and was lonely, but now, he no longer has the need to lean on someone, so he's moved on. It means he wasn't much of a friend to begin with, unfortunately. You've learned something about him, through this experience.

P.S. He's living off of savings? He managed to come through his college education with money in the bank? That's very unusual. Did his parents pay for college, or are you in a country, where college is free?
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Old 03-27-2019, 01:16 PM
 
11 posts, read 4,402 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
That's a very good point.OP, apparently he was into being friends when he needed someone to talk to, and was lonely, but now, he no longer has the need to lean on someone, so he's moved on. It means he wasn't much of a friend to begin with, unfortunately. You've learned something about him, through this experience.

P.S. He's living off of savings? He managed to come through his college education with money in the bank? That's very unusual. Did his parents pay for college, or are you in a country, where college is free?

I hate to see him the way you described him but you're probably right. I think it's just hard for me because I do still like him a lot and as I said, he has done nice things for me in the past. The last time I saw him we wre in a bar within the group and he actually just ditched us out of nowhere to go meet some Tinder girl he has never met before. The next morning he told me they got super drunk, he slept at her place and ****ed up his job interview, because he was hungover and not prepared. Not only do I think that's very irresponsible, I also felt offended because the two days before I asked him if he wants to have a beer with me and he didn't want to (even though the next day he had off and no interviews or anything). So I guess going out for a Tinder girl is fine, but not fort a good friend.


Your second question- Yes, he's living of his savings (and pays no rent to his parents who own his apartment) and his parents paid for college. College here isn't free, but not super expensive.
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Old 03-28-2019, 08:40 PM
 
930 posts, read 277,403 times
Reputation: 2019
I think you should treasure what you had. He was a friend. There was definitely a bond there. He's too immature for the long term, but maybe in the future, he'll be a better friend.

If you had this type of relationship once, you'll be able to find someone who will be more mature. It is just a matter of time and a little luck before you find this person.

Good luck!
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