Do looks matter in profession ? (insecure, feel, girlfriend)

[Jdawg8181]

I think looks do matter, even though it's against the law to discriminate and companies won't admit that they do it, more attractive people are more likely to succeed.

[Authentic Bird]

I don't completely understand your thread with its details. I can understand it in general. You seem to be well aware of your issue/problem, you know what the reasons are. It's not only one thing. Several factors have been associated together and produced the current situation. You stated several factors that affect on you in the first place and based on them, you've reached to this extent.

In short they are:

* Emotional factor (Love) it seems strong because, it was the beginning that caused all or some of these factors, and

accordingly produced
=

*Appearance issue (Obese)


Accordingly,
=

*Have Lack of confidence


Accordingly
=

*Social skills issue (Introvert)

Accordingly
=

*Loneliness

Accordingly

*Job issue ( Financial struggles) (This is what you are asking about)

Accordingly

*Feeling of sadness, depression (OK not literally), inadequate, non success...etc.


ummm I'll not say accordingly here

*Mother health (hospital). This may consider a separate factor.


Your view to life seems dark. It gives an impression to others that you are depressed even if you don't think so and even if you are originally not diagnosed with it, according to the specialist statement.

What I'm trying to say is:

You couldn't live with satisfaction and peace while you make a negative/harmful comparison about your life and situation before & after; Knowing that comparison overall is not bad at all, it's good and some times required if used in its place/position; if it's used to see the difference and to know the shortcomings in order to work on fixing and developing yourself and avoid repeating the same mistake.


In your case, comparison is bad, too bad, because you don't take it as a MOTIVE for changing and developing yourself for better. It makes me feel as you were a man who is standing up while his head turned to the back; meantime, he wants to make a progress. You couldn't move or go ahead when your head is to the back, you will not be able to see what in front of you due to this condition/situation; all what you need is change your state. Turn your head to the front in order to SEE your path FIRST and to be able to FOCUS ON what you are having RIGHT NOW second.

You are just looking behind to feel bad,depression, pessimism and regret over somethings gone without taking any advantage or benefits of these lessons. This is not gonna help you or push you in your present in anyway.


You said what will happen if you made a success? For whom?

Just make it FIRST, then see wht will happen. I doubt that you will come to ask this question.



I MAY come later to add some points, if not. my post already completed.

[Atlguy39]

Originally Posted by MinivanDriver

Well, in your professional life, you need a fix. And fast. People do business with people. And claiming introversion is a cop-out. Lots of us are latent introverts who had to overcome that to put food on the table.

I'm in a business where I have to meet, talk, and present a great deal. I have to go into a room cold, do the meet-and-greet, learn their names and roles, and then get down to business. When I first got into this line of work almost thirty years ago, it was well-nigh excruciating for me. Even to this day, being an introvert deep down, a long meeting will pretty much exhaust me.

Yet, I'll was damned if I was going to slap a label on myself and let that dictate the course of my career. So I learned how to meet (It is a skill to be refined, not a natural talent), how to do business, how to follow-up and, most of all, how to have a conversation. Yes, there are people who just seem to emerge from the womb knowing how to connect with people. But for the rest of humanity, it means being willing to learn the ropes.

So knock it off. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. Take a Dale Carnegie course or two if you have to. Get out and get some exercise (Which, by the way, will make you feel a lot more happy). But your career is in your own hands, not in the hands of capricious fate. Get busy.

Yep. I've had to do the same. Dale Carnegie (as I also suggested earlier) was part of my journey. I'm also an introvert. I don't use it as an excuse per se, but it does make things harder. You gotta find a way to motivate yourself (unemployment?) and work on these things stat.

[Jezku]

looks are subjective, that's the "dirty secret". people will hire whoever fits their company image and are not obligated to tell you that. an 'unattractive' person can be considered 'weird' for not focusing on their appearance instead of performance--or--gasp!--understanding it's a superficial way to judge anyone, 'attractive' or not.

[MinivanDriver]

Originally Posted by Jezku

looks are subjective, that's the "dirty secret". people will hire whoever fits their company image and are not obligated to tell you that. an 'unattractive' person can be considered 'weird' for not focusing on their appearance instead of performance--or--gasp!--understanding it's a superficial way to judge anyone, 'attractive' or not.

Looks are subjective to be sure. But the pride one takes in one's appearance is not. You don't need to win the genetic lottery in terms of chiseled features or anything else. But you can indeed take care of yourself in terms of what you wear and how you take care of yourself. When you dress like a slob, don't make eye contact in a meeting, and a host of other things, you are signaling people that you don't respect yourself.

[Jdawg8181]

Originally Posted by MinivanDriver

Looks are subjective to be sure. But the pride one takes in one's appearance is not. You don't need to win the genetic lottery in terms of chiseled features or anything else. But you can indeed take care of yourself in terms of what you wear and how you take care of yourself. When you dress like a slob, don't make eye contact in a meeting, and a host of other things, you are signaling people that you don't respect yourself.

Not only that … but like if you work for a fitness company, shouldn't you be fit?


I'm not going to do business with a fitness company if everyone working there is overweight. Companies cannot discriminate on looks BUT sometimes they do it b/c it is in the best interest of the company's image.


It's the same thing if you have a white person advertising a hair product for black people.


Sometimes companies do hire certain types of people.

[MinivanDriver]

Originally Posted by Jdawg8181

Not only that … but like if you work for a fitness company, shouldn't you be fit?


I'm not going to do business with a fitness company if everyone working there is overweight. Companies cannot discriminate on looks BUT sometimes they do it b/c it is in the best interest of the company's image.


It's the same thing if you have a white person advertising a hair product for black people.


Sometimes companies do hire certain types of people.

I think people seem to think that looks are something you are born with. But if you look at the hottest movie stars on the planet without makeup on a bad day, they aren't all that.



Meanwhile, someone may not have been born with stellar physical features, but can sure overcome that with taking good care of himself, wearing flattering clothes, and having a confident demeanor.

[Jezku]

what if the person did whatever they think they needed to do to look their best?
(lost weight, quality wardrobe, fresh makeup, and even plastic surgery) and yes,
followed the interview tips for being self-assured, an attentive listener, and prepared with vital company info--and *still* was not hired? it may be because
not that many people were needed for that position or other factors for *practical*
reasons, too.

[MinivanDriver]

Originally Posted by Jezku

what if the person did whatever they think they needed to do to look their best?
(lost weight, quality wardrobe, fresh makeup, and even plastic surgery) and yes,
followed the interview tips for being self-assured, an attentive listener, and prepared with vital company info--and *still* was not hired? it may be because
not that many people were needed for that position or other factors for *practical*
reasons, too.

That's kind of a pointless observation. Because, in truth, if the person does all that, all it does is increase his or her odds of getting hired.



Meanwhile dressing like a slob, not making eye contact in the interview, and generally looking unimpressive makes you a stone cold cinch to not even be considered, especially when there are a lot of candidates for the same position.

[RamenAddict]

Originally Posted by MinivanDriver

That's kind of a pointless observation. Because, in truth, if the person does all that, all it does is increase his or her odds of getting hired.



Meanwhile dressing like a slob, not making eye contact in the interview, and generally looking unimpressive makes you a stone cold cinch to not even be considered, especially when there are a lot of candidates for the same position.

This is not even relevant for the OP. He is a barrister. He apparently has little current courtroom experience, few skills at this point, and his coworker has a lot of current experience and is quite skilled. Looks aside, who is going to hire someone who has no reputation in the community as being able to try a case when there is someone else in the same office who has a good reputation? This is about far more than the OP’s looks.