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i read an article once about simply responding "No, Thank You" as if the questioner is offering you something with the best of intentions--because there are some questioners who actually believe they are doing you a favor by asking--and then get upset if (unspoken idea) is 'challenged'.
There's been quite a few times when parents have mentioned they didn't know what they were getting in to having kids and regret it. So sad.
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I don't know many parents that DID know what they were getting in to. As a parent I will say I've probably said out loud I didn't know what I was getting into when I did a lot of things, not just having kids. That doesn't mean I regret it. I may even have said I regretted doing something at the time or age that I did but that doesn't mean I regretted it altogether.
I will also say that anything a parent says while holding a screaming baby, chasing a lightning fast toddler and arguing with a kindergartner that now knows it all, should never be held against them! LOL
I usually don't say anything when someone says something awkward.
One friend has said more than once that he wished he never had kids. I can't stand hearing this. He has expressed how he never wanted kids. He does seem to be a good father though.
There really is no way to respond to this without telling him off.
How bout "I'm really sorry you feel that way. However, you do seem to be a good father though."
An acquaintance tells me she wished she married someone else.
If the acquaintance never had kids, I tell h/her to "Get out now." If h/she had kids, I say "This is your life. It is not a rehearsal. Do whatever you need to do, but your kids come first."
When parents tell me they wish they didn't have kids, they don't enjoy being a parent.
I tell them to pretend they enjoy being a parent, but don't complicate matters by having more.
When in a social setting someone starts asking personal questions.
(This can be awkward if I respond, I don't answer questions I wouldn't ask. Then the person is slightly embarrassed and will continue to ask in an obvious, lame attempt to cover their embarrassment.)
I just say: "I would rather not answer that."
Going out to lunch/dinner in a group, many people don't put in the amount to cover what they ordered.
(I've been in this situation many times, I'm usually adding more to cover other people's bill because I want to keep the dining experience positive. (Now I ask for separate checks.)
You are so nice. I just ask for a separate bill or put in $5.00 more than I ordered and leave earlier than the others.
Someone starts to tell me about the affair they're having, so awkward.
I let them tell me the story, then tell them that their spouse is going to find out soon. Since h/she told me, there is a good chance h/she has told others.
When meeting someone for lunch/dinner - the person is late shows up and doesn't acknowledge they are late or offers an apology to have kept someone waiting.
(I'm a little more prepared about this now as I will only wait 5min. for the habitually late person, if the on time person happens to be late, I would wait a little longer, this person shows up, is accountable and expresses consideration for keeping someone waiting.)
You can't change people who have bad manners. We laugh about this can call this "Hawaiian time." Don't try to change them. Your bad for thinking that you could.
There have been times where I've waited a while for someone, when they finally show up I've said, I though we were meeting 25 min. ago ? Their reaction, well let's go in, or Do you want to go in ? (said in slightly surprised/sarcastic tone)
Now I wished I had said, No, I don't care to dine with someone so inconsiderate.
It is O.K. to do this once, but the next time, you should be a little late so that you aren't so annoyed with them. This is their social norm and you are not used to it. If you hate it so much, don't meet them for a meal or any other event that is time sensitive. Your bad for continuing to do so.
Please share the times when you're not sure what to say ?
An acquaintance tells me she wished she married someone else.
Might be true, might be just a day of frustration with the spouse. I would either say nothing at all (smile and nod) or ask "Are you sure" telling why the grass is not always greener and make a list of pros and cons (not WITH them, encourage them to do so). Remind people get married for all different reasons, and it is a decision to make it work or not.
When parents tell me they wish they didn't have kids, they don't enjoy being a parent.
Oopsies- I might have been one of those. It's not enjoyable to be a parent. Period. If you like being completely emotionally abused, taken for granted, years of no sleep (due to babies or just worry), etc, then you enjoy parenthood. If you don't like those things, then you are honest. That doesn't mean I love my kids any less than anyone. I am totally obsessed with my kids in a helicopter mom type way, but no, it is not "enjoyable" in the way that a jaunt through Europe, massage, hike, or getting huge bonus at work are enjoyable. That's just the truth!
When in a social setting someone starts asking personal questions.
(This can be awkward if I respond, I don't answer questions I wouldn't ask. Then the person is slightly embarrassed and will continue to ask in an obvious, lame attempt to cover their embarrassment.)
This doesn't bother me- I'm an open book. But I suppose if it did, I'd respond with a question such as "what an interesting question, why do you ask?" Perhaps when they tell you WHY they want to know it could be flattering (e.g. " I just find you very interesting and would like to get to know you better), or that they are in some sort of business or personal situation where the info you have may be helpful to them
Going out to lunch/dinner in a group, many people don't put in the amount to cover what they ordered.
(I've been in this situation many times, I'm usually adding more to cover other people's bill because I want to keep the dining experience positive. (Now I ask for separate checks.)
Yes, there are moochers and scammers. I choose to believe that the vast majority give what they can. I have often covered friends, paid more than my share, when I know they can't and one day, they will get me back. If someone is habitual, I decide if their friendship is worth that, and continue to pay, or just fade out of their life if not
Someone starts to tell me about the affair they're having, so awkward.
Here is where I would say "I don't think I want this information"
When meeting someone for lunch/dinner - the person is late shows up and doesn't acknowledge they are late or offers an apology to have kept someone waiting.
(I'm a little more prepared about this now as I will only wait 5min. for the habitually late person, if the on time person happens to be late, I would wait a little longer, this person shows up, is accountable and expresses consideration for keeping someone waiting.)
Same as the moocher- some people are just LATE. If their positive qualities outweigh their negative ones, I live with it (and lie about start times). Some people see "time" as very subjective, and not really meant to be an actual rule to be followed- I personally HATE that quality, but it is a real thing.
There have been times where I've waited a while for someone, when they finally show up I've said, I though we were meeting 25 min. ago ? Their reaction, well let's go in, or Do you want to go in ? (said in slightly surprised/sarcastic tone)
Now I wished I had said, No, I don't care to dine with someone so inconsiderate.
Please share the times when you're not sure what to say ?[/quote]
I just say "I'm sorry you feel that way. It must be difficult for you." When the personal agonies come out. I might not and make a sympathetic noise but then change the subject gracefully.
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