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Old 03-30-2019, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Endless Concert
1,719 posts, read 1,167,060 times
Reputation: 3268

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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
When someone blurts out something awkward, I tend to say nothing, unless I have a strong friendship with them. But I don’t have the number of experiences you seem to have.

But, in my experience, when you don’t know what to say, it is best to say little or nothing. I have blurted out responses I wish I could take back. Based on those experiences, I think it is best to be quiet.
Great post

I usually don't say anything when someone says something awkward.

One friend has said more than once that he wished he never had kids. I can't stand hearing this. He has expressed how he never wanted kids. He does seem to be a good father though.

There really is no way to respond to this without telling him off.
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Old 03-30-2019, 03:27 PM
 
5,316 posts, read 2,294,360 times
Reputation: 14752
Quote:
Originally Posted by 70's Music Girl View Post
I'm not sure how to respond, what to say when ...

An acquaintance tells me she wished she married someone else.

When parents tell me they wish they didn't have kids, they don't enjoy being a parent.


When in a social setting someone starts asking personal questions.
(This can be awkward if I respond, I don't answer questions I wouldn't ask. Then the person is slightly embarrassed and will continue to ask in an obvious, lame attempt to cover their embarrassment.)

Going out to lunch/dinner in a group, many people don't put in the amount to cover what they ordered.
(I've been in this situation many times, I'm usually adding more to cover other people's bill because I want to keep the dining experience positive. (Now I ask for separate checks.)

Someone starts to tell me about the affair they're having, so awkward.

When meeting someone for lunch/dinner - the person is late shows up and doesn't acknowledge they are late or offers an apology to have kept someone waiting.
(I'm a little more prepared about this now as I will only wait 5min. for the habitually late person, if the on time person happens to be late, I would wait a little longer, this person shows up, is accountable and expresses consideration for keeping someone waiting.)

There have been times where I've waited a while for someone, when they finally show up I've said, I though we were meeting 25 min. ago ? Their reaction, well let's go in, or Do you want to go in ? (said in slightly surprised/sarcastic tone)
Now I wished I had said, No, I don't care to dine with someone so inconsiderate.

Please share the times when you're not sure what to say ?

People just choose you randomly for this???? Affairs, parents that hate their kids? Sorry but
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Old 03-30-2019, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Endless Concert
1,719 posts, read 1,167,060 times
Reputation: 3268
^^Well be glad no one has ever said anything awkward to you.

It doesn't happen all the time but when it has it's awkward.

I didn't say a parent said "hate" I said "wish they didn't"

Someone I was friends with years ago had an ongoing
affair and use to bring it up in conversation. (Would talk about him, he was going to get a divorce, etc.)

You don't need to leave a post on this thread since you have no experiences to share where you didn't know what to say ...

Last edited by 70's Music Girl; 03-30-2019 at 04:17 PM..
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Old 03-30-2019, 04:28 PM
 
Location: KY
579 posts, read 126,824 times
Reputation: 1301
Quote:
Originally Posted by 70's Music Girl View Post
I'm not sure how to respond, what to say when ...


This happened at my home about a year ago now. The following is the conversation I heard from my wife as I was sitting across the room from her, while she was on the phone. Jane (fake name) is my departed brothers "companion". We have not spoken to her for about six months prior to her call probably, as with my brother now being gone... not a lot to talk about with her now.




My wife's words below are as I heard them spoken by her. Jane's words are assumed by me to be correct, as my wife's reply matched Janes supposed words.

The last question that Jane asked my wife, was told to me word for word by my wife, right after she hung up the phone. And my wife's voice was stammering a bit in disbelief, when she told me Janes last question to her. I have put Janes last question to my wife in COLOR="Blue"] blue [/color]below for clarity.



Ring ... Ring.....my wife answers the phone.

Wife... Hello ??

Jane...Hello Dear, this is Jane. I just thought I would call and see how you and Greg are doing ?

Wife.... Hello Jane, its good to hear from you. Greg and I are doing just fine. We are just hanging in here like everyone else trying to keep the bills paid. How have you been getting along Jane ?

Jane.. I have been just fine. I've been kind of busy with things around the house that are needing done now. Blah...blah...blah. Well, I better get off here and get busy with dinner. Glad to hear that you two are doing o.k.

Wife....O.K Jane, I'll get off of this phone so you can get cooking. You take care of yourself now and it was nice talking to you again.

Jane.. O.K. Dear, we need to visit some time soon you know.... Oh, wait a minute....

" I almost forgot to ask you. Does Greg know that his sister died over month ago now " ?
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Old 03-30-2019, 06:13 PM
 
18,296 posts, read 23,433,473 times
Reputation: 34226
when or if I hear these things....along the lines of regret..... from a parent.....whether its regret of marrying the wrong person...(unless they are being abused) I will look at them and say … there are no regrets when you have kids.... kids are blessings you want a world that your kids don't exist???????

personal questions...first of all.....you have options when someone is making you feel uncomfortable...…..1. you don't even have to respond....just say you are listening....2 deflect..any question you don't want to answer.....by asking them questions or change the subject altogether.... 3. deflect back to them " are you feelin ok?? why so serious?? 4. simply say there are some subjects I only talk to my husband or god about... 5. appease...instead of answering head on...go into a like subject matter you are comfortable with ….6. a mirror response...omg why are you asking such a question whats wrong?? im worried about you..
7. if its someone you don't know very well and they are asking personal questions....just smile and excuse yourself...go use the restroom ...get an appetizer...
8.. if its a head on disrespectful question...….just say hey im not at work im here to lighten up... try to have a decent time

someone talking about an affair.... id say "some things I don't want to know" 2. I didn't know you were such a ho 3. you are the third person in the past week that told me they are undermining their marriage...….whats in the air?? 4. I want my wedding gift back 5. does your husband/wife know????? and why not? (this usually ends the conversation)

late arrivals.....order appetizers …..or don't wait for them....if they are habitual....its very inconsiderate...order without them
I once told a guy "good thing you aren't an emt….no one would have a chance waiting for you"

paying the bill......ask loudly to whoever receives the bill "whats my responsibility " this puts the rest on notice..
or you take the bill...and tell everyone what they owe.....
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Old 03-30-2019, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,625 posts, read 14,225,540 times
Reputation: 30253
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
It was an artists luncheon at a friends house and one woman started to share something very personal about her husband she was not happy about and nobody said anything ,embarrassed. I simply said “whoa, too much information” and she shut up and apologized later.
Good point. You can always say, TMI and mive on.

I’ll temember that.
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Old 03-30-2019, 06:55 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,137 posts, read 8,664,223 times
Reputation: 6109
Smile I've had people say some of these things to me....

Quote:
Originally Posted by 70's Music Girl View Post
Thank you for your message.

Yes, it is unusual that people say these things.

People feel comfortable telling me all kinds of things, not that I care to hear everything. I've noticed there's been people I don't know that well that start telling me too much.

I was a little surprised, too, when this acquaintance said she wished she married someone else. Actually, she has said it in conversation more than once. Maybe she's been contemplating divorce. She's a really sweet person but doesn't really talk with much of a "filter" and also will start asking a little too many direct questions.

There's been quite a few times when parents have mentioned they didn't know what they were getting in to having kids and regret it. So sad.

I will remember your suggestion to respond with interviewing someone else, or are you taking a survey and walk away. Walking away is a great tip to remember when people are talking inappropriately.

I did say to this one acquaintance when the questioning was too much, maybe you should have your own talk show, she wasn't really fazed by by that.

Please share your experiences when you didn't know how to respond, what to say when ...
If someone is really upset, I tell them I'm here to listen. As far as the person who said she should have married someone else, I would say "I'm sorry you feel that way; have you tried counseling?"
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Old 03-30-2019, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Winterpeg
875 posts, read 329,618 times
Reputation: 3657
At work I get a lot of people trying to tell me stuff that I think is TMI or inappropriate. I have mastered the “sorry, I have to go” and walk away.

If I was going out with cheap people, well, that’s what separate bills are for. Luckily they are standard here unless someone says “I’ve got this”. I wouldn’t let them cheap out more than once, that’s for sure.

Boundaries are a wonderful thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 70's Music Girl View Post

I was a little surprised, too, when this acquaintance said she wished she married someone else. Actually, she has said it in conversation more than once. Maybe she's been contemplating divorce. She's a really sweet person but doesn't really talk with much of a "filter" and also will start asking a little too many direct questions.

...
I would suggest that a “really sweet person” doesn’t trash talk her husband or air her dirty laundry. It’s disrespectful of him and mean.
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Old 03-30-2019, 07:38 PM
 
Location: Endless Concert
1,719 posts, read 1,167,060 times
Reputation: 3268
Quote:
Originally Posted by bondaroo View Post
At work I get a lot of people trying to tell me stuff that I think is TMI or inappropriate. I have mastered the “sorry, I have to go” and walk away.

If I was going out with cheap people, well, that’s what separate bills are for. Luckily they are standard here unless someone says “I’ve got this”. I wouldn’t let them cheap out more than once, that’s for sure.

Boundaries are a wonderful thing.
I would suggest that a “really sweet person” doesn’t trash talk her husband or air her dirty laundry. It’s disrespectful of him and mean.
^^Great post !

Yes, I thought that, too, and have been surprised when she said she married the wrong person. She has told me about how awful her first husband was and this husband is kind but there's no real connection on her part.

She's just kinda blurts things out.

I'm going to be having dinner with her again soon and I thought hope she doesn't bring this up again.

That's why I started this thread.

Thank you for your post.

Last edited by 70's Music Girl; 03-30-2019 at 08:56 PM..
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Old 03-30-2019, 07:40 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,127 posts, read 70,023,326 times
Reputation: 75925
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
when or if I hear these things....along the lines of regret..... from a parent.....whether its regret of marrying the wrong person...(unless they are being abused) I will look at them and say … there are no regrets when you have kids.... kids are blessings you want a world that your kids don't exist???????

personal questions...first of all.....you have options when someone is making you feel uncomfortable...…..1. you don't even have to respond....just say you are listening....2 deflect..any question you don't want to answer.....by asking them questions or change the subject altogether.... 3. deflect back to them " are you feelin ok?? why so serious?? 4. simply say there are some subjects I only talk to my husband or god about... 5. appease...instead of answering head on...go into a like subject matter you are comfortable with ….6. a mirror response...omg why are you asking such a question whats wrong?? im worried about you..
7. if its someone you don't know very well and they are asking personal questions....just smile and excuse yourself...go use the restroom ...get an appetizer...
8.. if its a head on disrespectful question...….just say hey im not at work im here to lighten up... try to have a decent time

someone talking about an affair.... id say "some things I don't want to know" 2. I didn't know you were such a ho 3. you are the third person in the past week that told me they are undermining their marriage...….whats in the air?? 4. I want my wedding gift back 5. does your husband/wife know????? and why not? (this usually ends the conversation)

late arrivals.....order appetizers …..or don't wait for them....if they are habitual....its very inconsiderate...order without them
I once told a guy "good thing you aren't an emt….no one would have a chance waiting for you"

paying the bill......ask loudly to whoever receives the bill "whats my responsibility " this puts the rest on notice..
or you take the bill...and tell everyone what they owe.....
All great suggestions! I've used #2 & 3, now that you remind me. OP, often, if you ask people about themselves, they forget all about what they were asking you, and get absorbed in talking about themselves. Also, I've said something like, "That's an unusual line of questioning. Are you ok? Is everything ok?" (concerned look).
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