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Old 03-31-2019, 01:53 PM
 
13,102 posts, read 17,661,987 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
That sounds like it might be one of those "...we can laugh about it now" stories.
It depends on what you consider funny.
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Old 03-31-2019, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,256 posts, read 10,259,629 times
Reputation: 28192
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundaydrive00 View Post
Yikes, I really hope my utility companies don't easily give out my account details to anyone who calls and knows my name. I'd be pissed if they started sending my bill to some random person on the other end of the phone.

OP the friendship is over. You ended this friendship, just leave her alone and move on.
who said anything about giving out info?
just tell the company the recipient's name and address (available online for free) and let them credit her account.


unfortunately, the OP said no go in this case.
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Old 03-31-2019, 02:57 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,565 posts, read 14,180,052 times
Reputation: 30172
If she is home most of the time, you can FedEx a card with a cashier’s check in it to her home. Buy a birthday card, and have it sent tnat way. I don’t know if you can do this anonymously though. Though costly, FedEx is reliable and pretty quick.
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Old 03-31-2019, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,644 posts, read 41,381,512 times
Reputation: 81968
Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Twist View Post
You do not want to send cash in the mail.
Well, I don't ... but people do it all the time. If you send it in a greeting card, it's no big deal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post

My DH also says to leave it alone........

This is like an estranged sister who never asks for anything. You know she is struggling financially. You can afford to help. She is very proud. Would you leave it alone?
Honestly, yes.

It's apparent that you are having some residual feelings for her, but you need to stop and think about what sending this gift to her really will accomplish and what's really motivating you.
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Old 03-31-2019, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Kansas City North
3,987 posts, read 7,262,080 times
Reputation: 5755
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Well, I don't ... but people do it all the time. If you send it in a greeting card, it's no big deal.
Itís actually not a smart thing. There are very few postal employees who steal from the mail, but the majority of those who do, steal greeting cards looking for cash.
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Old 03-31-2019, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,644 posts, read 41,381,512 times
Reputation: 81968
Quote:
Originally Posted by Okey Dokie View Post
Itís actually not a smart thing. There are very few postal employees who steal from the mail, but the majority of those who do, steal greeting cards looking for cash.
Yeah, yeah, I know.

Tell that to all the grandmas who send birthday money through the mail.
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Old 03-31-2019, 03:52 PM
 
12,392 posts, read 7,449,571 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
who said anything about giving out info?
just tell the company the recipient's name and address (available online for free) and let them credit her account.
Your post that I quoted suggested that the OP have the utility company send the woman's bill to her. I would not want anyone having access to such information, and hopefully no utility company would go along with such things.
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Old 03-31-2019, 03:54 PM
 
773 posts, read 202,460 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
When you outgrow old friends....

I looked up my old thread (3 years old, link above) when I was seeking CD help about the friendship, in it was an update about 6 months later when she broke off the friendship.

So, I do know she sold her place and moved into pretty sketchy housing ($585/month) about 8 months ago...... She used to refinance her home every few years to manage her credit card debt, and wilth the heated up housing market in her city, she likely sold it to get out from under the mortgage payments and pay off more bills.

My DH also says to leave it alone........

This is like an estranged sister who never asks for anything. You know she is struggling financially. You can afford to help. She is very proud. Would you leave it alone?
You may be opening up a pandora's box. I didn't read the prior thread so I don't know the history but, if she is proud, she may resent a gift and to do so anonymously may cause her grief in trying to find out the sender.

I understand if you feel the need to do something in the event of her death, you have let her know she meant something to you at one time.

I think if I were inclined to do something, I would simply send a card and let her know although there has been a parting of the ways, you only want to acknowledge her birthday and wish her well. and sign it. You could enclose a gift card and she could do as she pleases, perhaps treat her grand-daughter. I would ignore any attempts at contact from her.

Again, I don't know the history and whether this gesture would ignite emotional turmoil.

Last edited by Maddie104; 03-31-2019 at 04:47 PM..
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Old 03-31-2019, 04:05 PM
 
12,392 posts, read 7,449,571 times
Reputation: 23230
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
You may be opening up a pandora's box. I didn't read the prior thread so I don't know the history but, if she is proud, she may resent a gift and to do so anonymously may cause her grief in trying to find out the sender.
Yes, I would be very uncomfortable if someone paid a few months of my rent, or utility bills. The OP said the woman's rent is almost $600/month, so she's wanting to give an anonymous gift of almost $2,000? Such a large gift for a birthday would be troubling to most people, especially someone on limited income.

I like your idea of a nice note and a gift card with a more reasonable amount (say $50-$100).
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Old 03-31-2019, 04:17 PM
 
Location: I'm out searching for me... If you see me, let me know... ;--)
3,337 posts, read 1,823,943 times
Reputation: 7408
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
When you outgrow old friends....

I looked up my old thread (3 years old, link above) when I was seeking CD help about the friendship, in it was an update about 6 months later when she broke off the friendship.

So, I do know she sold her place and moved into pretty sketchy housing ($585/month) about 8 months ago...... She used to refinance her home every few years to manage her credit card debt, and wilth the heated up housing market in her city, she likely sold it to get out from under the mortgage payments and pay off more bills.

My DH also says to leave it alone........

This is like an estranged sister who never asks for anything. You know she is struggling financially. You can afford to help. She is very proud. Would you leave it alone?
Any kind of gift is a gift because your friendship. By giving her something, especially something substantial, leaves to the question of who was generous. The feeling that the Gift Giver is out there but you don't know who they are, is not a happy feeling. It gives your former friend a reason for those feelings of needing to search someone out.

If you have to be anonymous maybe the generosity isn't generous enough. It might leave her feeling someone cared but not enough to say who was the Gift Giver.

If you could drop by her place or call her and ask to drop by and give her a check as a gift, with that be doable? It wouldn't be a long visit and you could tell her that you just wanted to share in memory of your friendship.

You say that you don't want her to be reminded of your conflict but wouldn't that be better than having the feeling you don't know who was generous with you?

I say this because when I was in college I received a red rose. I did not know who it was from and while talking with a friend I found out she knew. She asked me why I needed to know and I said because I wished to know the reason someone would give me a rose, instead of speculating the many different reasons.

If you are able to reach out in memory of your friendship and let her know that you cared about her in the past ... do it. If that is too much to put yourself out there, I can understand and maybe you should let it go.

Last edited by Wild Flower; 03-31-2019 at 05:46 PM..
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