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Old 04-03-2019, 09:55 PM
301 posts, read 98,883 times
Reputation: 555


My wife and I are moving out of state. Every time we mention it to my parents, my mom cries. She's against it. I'm 33 and have been at my job here almost 10 years. We're ready for a change, and milder winters, in fact I know we'd be much happier in a warmer, sunnier climate. Has anyone else experienced this? Does it get better overtime?

Old 04-04-2019, 09:30 AM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 21 hours ago)
8,596 posts, read 10,790,522 times
Reputation: 12602
You just have to do what your sent on doing. Your mom will get over it. It's not a tragedy, just a change.
Old 04-04-2019, 09:35 AM
Status: "On The Lookout" (set 28 days ago)
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,402 posts, read 61,862,013 times
Reputation: 31984
Originally Posted by Matthew_MI View Post
I'm 33 and have been at my job here almost 10 years.
We're ready for a change, and milder winters...
Okay... go find a job that's worth moving for.

My wife and I are moving out of state.
Have you found a job that's worth moving for?

Every time we mention it to my parents, my mom cries. She's against it.
Does it get better over time?
Better starts with having a job that's worth moving for.
Old 04-04-2019, 03:23 PM
Location: Florida
4,500 posts, read 3,887,020 times
Reputation: 9885
Give her some scissors to cut that apron string.


One thing to consider is your family situation. How old is mom? And dad? Do you have siblings that still live near her? Eventually mom (and dad) will reach an age where they will need care. Has that been discussed? Have plans been made?

My in-laws are getting up there. Hubby is an only child. We moved 1K miles to be closer to them because when the time comes, he's it for taking charge of their care. We are fortunate that they have already made assisted living reservations. I forget the details but I think they are both going into care at 85 (late 70s now), regardless of their mobility and health.

Last thing you want to have looming over you is long distance care of aging parents.
Old 04-04-2019, 03:52 PM
3,867 posts, read 2,721,967 times
Reputation: 7112
You need to plan out your trips home and her trips to visit your new home. Have something to look forward to and plan for. Makes it much easier.
Old 04-04-2019, 03:53 PM
6,088 posts, read 2,809,893 times
Reputation: 15427
I sense tunnel vision. Neither adult acknowledging the not so pleasant fact that by moving on...your leaving people. Not things. But a person.

Have compassion and from that joy will surface.

I'm sure the future looks bright for opportunity. Just keep in mind that moving away brings with it a physical parting and a not so clear validation of how that bond will maintain or be severed.

When my son left the nest...he tore the bandaid off and never looked back. He was determined to be his own person. It would take 7-10 years for him to reconnect in kind ways with the family. He now is mature and understands how it was a slap in the face to turn his back...he certainly has made strides .
Old 04-04-2019, 03:56 PM
3,312 posts, read 1,245,840 times
Reputation: 6421
Has anyone else experienced this?
Does it get better overtime?
better money makes it better.
Old 04-04-2019, 04:07 PM
3,948 posts, read 2,570,573 times
Reputation: 8494
Yes, it gets better. I never lived at home full time after I turned 18. I came home for the summers. I moved permanently away at 21. I still had a close relationship with my parents even though they lived 1200 miles away. It will be fine.
Old 04-05-2019, 12:52 PM
1,615 posts, read 739,303 times
Reputation: 8839
Your mother will adjust. Look at it this way: SHE LOVES YOU. Boy, that's a terrible thing, eh?

Forty years ago I moved 1100 miles from home. Airline tickets were more expensive then. You paid a premium for long distance calls so you kept them short. People still wrote letters that moved through snail mail. I wasn't able to go "home" for five years. We all gradually adjusted.

Assure her you'll be in touch by phone, text, email, video chat or whatever. You have multiple ways now to keep in touch instantaneously and at lower cost. You will find the comfortable interval to be in communication.

My mother is gone now but I'm preparing for a move back in that direction. This time, I'm leaving my one adult son behind here. Am I having a bit of a problem with that right now? Yep, I am. You see, I LOVE HIM and even though I only see him every few weeks now, I will miss being close at hand ... you know, "just in case."

But I'll adjust. He'll be fine. I'll be fine. And we'll be in touch.

It will get better.
Old 04-06-2019, 07:25 AM
Status: "Excited to move to Vegas!" (set 11 days ago)
Location: Beaverton, OR
5,442 posts, read 5,854,350 times
Reputation: 6091
Yeah for sure, my dad isn’t a fan of me moving either and it created a lot of tension. The idea that you should continue to live somewhere you hate simply because someone else is there - anyone, wife, husband, parent, friend - is totally ridiculous. I also don’t know what these unrelated and equally idiotic comments are here about “job, money, job.” Dude wow life isn’t about some numbers, it’s about happiness and if you can’t find it where you live, it’s time to move. It’s a cute idea that everywhere is great it’s just your attitude but that’s not reality. In my city I can’t go get a nice dinner after 9, it’s not happening, and I’m a night owl - a provable, unalterable biological chronotype like any other that isn’t going away. So I won’t be happy in a sleepy city, bottom line. When I want to go out and have fun, I don’t want boring cities, I want the Las Vegas Strip at my disposal. When I pay my taxes I don’t want to file a state return for where I live, because I don’t want to pay state taxes. When I drive on a road I don’t want to be stuck in traffic forever. Where you live matters and to me most places suck, I wound the want to live there.

As for if it gets better, I think communication is important. My dad and I talked more after things came to a head and I feel like he understood more that I won’t just be unhappy in life living somewhere I detest simply because he’s here for six months a year (he leaves the other half of the year!). People need to adjust and life is way too short to spend even 5 minutes making someone else happy if doing so makes you miserable. Forget them, if they actually cared about you or loved you they want what’s best for you, not them.
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