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Old 04-04-2019, 08:22 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
5,083 posts, read 5,351,459 times
Reputation: 12576

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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
What would think, if your "best friend" doesn't introduce you to her other friends. She goes out with other people and doesn't ask me along.

We used to talk a lot but now it's once a week, if that.

She seems to have other friends and activities and I don't have much going on in my life. I do depend on her, but I've always depended on her and she never seemed to mind.

I know I have problems (insecurity) but when we are together we laugh and have a great time and I forget my insecurities.

What bothers me the most is that she doesn't invite me to do other things with her other friends. I even think she is hiding friends from me and says she's staying in, when really she is going out and doing stuff.

Any advice on how I could get her to accept me and include with her other friends?

You are too dependent on her. She needs to have friends and a life separate from you. And you need to have friends and a life separate from her.


Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
We used to be but then I dropped her and didn't talk to her for 4 yrs. I reached out after being lonely for the friendship, but it's never been the same. I don't think she trusts me anymore. If this was the case, I wish she had never agreed to be friends with me again. I'm hurt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Yes, I agree with most of what you said, but shouldn't she have forgiven me before becoming friends with me again? I mean, why would she think I wanted a different type of friendship than what we had years ago?

It's like she is only friends with me on her terms and she doesn't give me the support like she used to. I don't understand.
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Last weekend, I pressed her on why she seemed so distant and didn't want to commit to a vacation, and she said that she didn't trust me completely. She pointed out 2 times where we made plans and reservations and then I cancelled due to sickness. I asked her what I could do to gain that trust but she really didn't answer. She seemed to be avoiding the subject.

Bottom line is that I don't think she will ever trust me again. Maybe I've done too many things to her and depended on her too much to lift me up.

I don't have any other connections in my life. Too many people have left me. She was the one that stuck beside me and helped me but now she doesn't want to do that. I have nobody!

I guess I'm hurt that she doesn't love me like she used to and that she doesn't even seem to care.

It all hurts.

Is she being selfish?
OP, I don't mean to be harsh because I suspect there are mental and social issues in play. However, look at the phrases I've bolded. You take and take and take. It is exhausting to always be the giver, the supporter, the cheerleader.

She's not being selfish. You do need to stop depending on her to be your sole supporter and friend.
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Old 04-04-2019, 08:22 AM
 
9,668 posts, read 4,910,787 times
Reputation: 33352
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
We used to be but then I dropped her and didn't talk to her for 4 yrs. I reached out after being lonely for the friendship, but it's never been the same. I don't think she trusts me anymore. If this was the case, I wish she had never agreed to be friends with me again. I'm hurt.
You drop her and expect her to take you back because you're lonely, and things are supposed to be the same? That's manipulative. You only want her around when you need her.
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Old 04-04-2019, 08:23 AM
 
6,401 posts, read 2,294,356 times
Reputation: 14698
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Yes, I agree with most of what you said, but shouldn't she have forgiven me before becoming friends with me again? I mean, why would she think I wanted a different type of friendship than what we had years ago?

It's like she is only friends with me on her terms and she doesn't give me the support like she used to. I don't understand.

YOU hurt her! She is naturally going to be more reserved around you. YOU have work to do to get her trust back.


And besides all that...your jealousy is just going to eat you up. BE the kind of person your friend would want to be around. People grow and people change. You need to work on yourself.
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Old 04-04-2019, 08:25 AM
 
9,668 posts, read 4,910,787 times
Reputation: 33352
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Is she being selfish?
Seems to me that someone in this situation is being selfish, but I don't think it's her.
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Old 04-04-2019, 08:36 AM
 
1,169 posts, read 783,007 times
Reputation: 4148
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Yes, I agree with most of what you said, but shouldn't she have forgiven me before becoming friends with me again? I mean, why would she think I wanted a different type of friendship than what we had years ago?

It's like she is only friends with me on her terms and she doesn't give me the support like she used to. I don't understand.
Yes she may have forgiven you, but it doesnít mean she has to trust you. You made the choice not to talk to her for a few years and she had every right to go on with her life. You changed the friendship not her. Your friendship has changed and you need to accept it.
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Old 04-04-2019, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Texas
9,148 posts, read 3,543,671 times
Reputation: 18957
It sounds like she's afraid you will "poach" her friends. It's an immature fear that she has. I would start distancing myself from her. Find other people to spend time with even if it's joining a library book club or something.
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Old 04-04-2019, 08:59 AM
 
1,169 posts, read 783,007 times
Reputation: 4148
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
It sounds like she's afraid you will "poach" her friends. It's an immature fear.
I donít think that is the case
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Old 04-04-2019, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Living on the Coast in Oxnard CA
15,693 posts, read 26,672,250 times
Reputation: 20272
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Last weekend, I pressed her on why she seemed so distant and didn't want to commit to a vacation, and she said that she didn't trust me completely. She pointed out 2 times where we made plans and reservations and then I cancelled due to sickness. I asked her what I could do to gain that trust but she really didn't answer. She seemed to be avoiding the subject.

Bottom line is that I don't think she will ever trust me again. Maybe I've done too many things to her and depended on her too much to lift me up.

I don't have any other connections in my life. Too many people have left me. She was the one that stuck beside me and helped me but now she doesn't want to do that. I have nobody!

I guess I'm hurt that she doesn't love me like she used to and that she doesn't even seem to care.

It all hurts.

Is she being selfish?
I don't think she is the selfish one here. One of you seems to have used the other one. Can you guess who that would be?
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Old 04-04-2019, 09:04 AM
 
9,668 posts, read 4,910,787 times
Reputation: 33352
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
It sounds like she's afraid you will "poach" her friends. It's an immature fear that she has. I would start distancing myself from her. Find other people to spend time with even if it's joining a library book club or something.
I think you're right that she's afraid OP will poach her friends, but I disagree that it's an immature fear. The OP has a history of only valuing the friendship when it benefits her (from her own telling of the situation!) and I'm sure the friend doesn't want to risk exposing her friends to that. I think it's a very justified fear.
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Old 04-04-2019, 11:04 AM
 
Location: British Columbia ♥ 🍁 ♥
7,103 posts, read 6,512,800 times
Reputation: 13870
I don't think the friend is afraid that the OP will try to poach her new friends. I don't believe it's possible for the OP to poach other people's friends, she lacks the skill. I think the friend is not introducing them because she is protecting her new friends from the OP's energy draining and suffocating neediness. I would do the same thing if I was in the friend's shoes and would not expose my other friends to a person's negative energy.

OP needs to become more emotionally independent and find all new friends and not have such high expectations from them to be her support system. The long time friend has been patient, compassionate, understanding and supportive for long enough but has been overwhelmed by the neediness and she has had enough of it, she is getting ready to give up on the OP and put the OP permanently on the back burner.

.
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