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Old 04-04-2019, 09:15 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,623,198 times
Reputation: 13508

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No your friend is not being selfish,she is keeping a healthy and honest boundary with you. You can either just enjoy your friendship as it is or continue needling her and proving that you have not changed and you will drive this friend away.
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Old 04-04-2019, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Small community in the California Sierra Mountains
119 posts, read 45,831 times
Reputation: 206
Quote:
I don't have any other connections in my life. Too many people have left me. She was the one that stuck beside me and helped me but now she doesn't want to do that. I have nobody!

I guess I'm hurt that she doesn't love me like she used to and that she doesn't even seem to care.

It all hurts.

Is she being selfish?
You are being selfish. It sounds as if you are enduring a taste of your own medicine. I do not know why you dropped her so that is an important element here.



Be thankful she is your friend at all due to you dropping her before. Your feelings are likely what she endured at your hands. Best is to prevent it from happening again while giving you another chance. Appreciate that chance. Once a week is plenty enough time to spend on any relationship.

You even going so far as to not be thankful but call her names like selfish. That is in your heart. Something you need to keep contained, meaning care enough about her not to vomit it all over with your intrusive questions which YOU know, have consequences. She may be becoming wise understanding you are turning on her again so even knowing you is a big mistake. It seems that way. Also do not be so nosey so you can obtain evidence to drop her again. You are being disingenous by calling her a name, selfish, when it really applies to you. This is not of a friend. But again, we don't know why you dropped her but it seems you mind works in mysterious ways. Good luck in maintaining the friendship after again, providing her reasons why she should break it off with you. You need to feel appreciative, not name call regarding behaviors you possess

Last edited by MrsLakota; 04-04-2019 at 09:57 PM..
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Old 04-04-2019, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Earth
358 posts, read 291,273 times
Reputation: 718
Some people compartmentalize their lives. The friendship that she shared with you may have represented a time period in her life that has now passed. She may have simply outgrown you. Trying to shoehorn yourself back into her life may make her feel that she can't move forward. You probably don't look at friendships that way, so it's hard for you but best to move on.
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Old 04-04-2019, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Texas
9,229 posts, read 3,556,265 times
Reputation: 19043
Quote:
Originally Posted by WildOnions View Post
Some people compartmentalize their lives. The friendship that she shared with you may have represented a time period in her life that has now passed. She may have simply outgrown you.
This may be it.

There are people who compartmentalize their lives and periods of their lives. If someone is part of their past they can't integrate them into their current life or future.
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Old 04-05-2019, 01:10 AM
 
49 posts, read 12,805 times
Reputation: 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
It sounds like she's afraid you will "poach" her friends. It's an immature fear that she has. I would start distancing myself from her. Find other people to spend time with even if it's joining a library book club or something.
It sounds like the other girl is distancing herself from her.
So your suggestion for her to distance herself sounds silly.

And the way you responded is not the way that normal people think.

People are judged by the company that they keep.

If a person thinks that a person will make them look good they will be proud to introduce them to others.
But if they think that the person will make them look bad then they won't be.

When I was younger I lived in the Boston area for a second.
I would not introduce the friends that I worked with that went to Harvard to some of the other people that I knew.
And the reason that I wouldn't introduce them to each other wasn't because I was concerned that they would "poach" them.
I wouldn't introduce them because they would have made me look stupid in the eyes of my Harvard friends for even knowing people like that.

But I had no problem introducing trashy, weird, dumb, etcetera types to other freaks because it didn't matter.
Unless I thought that those freaks would clash. Then I wouldn't introduce them to each other.
I didn't want to have to deal with Susie saying "why are you going out with Sally tonight? She is so weird."
I shouldn't have to explain or defend myself for having a drink with some one.
Not introducing people to each other helps you to avoid situations like that.

And some times people mess up.
Some times people make the mistake of introducing the wrong people to each other.
My boyfriend is learning that the hard way and dealing with the consequences of that.

PS I was in a library book club when I was a young child.
I wasn't in that club because I was some weirdo kid that based friendships on the fact that I was obsessed with some girl. I was there because good parents take their kids to the library and put their kids in book clubs.
Are your kids in a book club?
I doubt that they are.

Last edited by Iwdst57731; 04-05-2019 at 01:28 AM..
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Old 04-05-2019, 03:23 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,004 posts, read 21,660,762 times
Reputation: 22120
OP it doesn’t seem like you have any sense of self-awareness. You’re blaming everything on your friend when yuh are the one causing all the issues. You need to take the friendship for what it is now and enjoy it. She’s forgiven you, but not forgotten.
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Old 04-05-2019, 06:16 AM
 
12 posts, read 2,499 times
Reputation: 29
You should call her sometime to hang out. Maybe she is not doing anything important. I she's your best friend she can find a time in a day for you !
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
802 posts, read 171,997 times
Reputation: 1184
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
It sounds like she's afraid you will "poach" her friends. It's an immature fear that she has. I would start distancing myself from her. Find other people to spend time with even if it's joining a library book club or something.
I have a friend like this.


He didn't like that I'd get more attention than him because I'm outgoing and personable (calm down introverts, I know that not everybody likes that) and he's a quiet, monotone introvert.
So he hated when I met some of his other friends. I always had a good time, so that's all that really matters.
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Old 04-05-2019, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Mt. Lebanon
1,843 posts, read 1,936,876 times
Reputation: 1899
You are asking the wrong question. She is just a friend. Friends come and go. You should make your own friends instead and grow up and stop depending her.
It seems that this is difficult for you since you have insecurities so i strongly recommend you to see a shrink.
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Old 04-05-2019, 10:29 AM
 
1,689 posts, read 559,226 times
Reputation: 2652
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
We used to be but then I dropped her and didn't talk to her for 4 yrs. I reached out after being lonely for the friendship, but it's never been the same. I don't think she trusts me anymore. If this was the case, I wish she had never agreed to be friends with me again. I'm hurt.
You should have led with that.
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