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Old 04-05-2019, 12:02 PM
 
793 posts, read 1,283,321 times
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Thanks for your answers everyone.

I think I know what I have to do. I want to break up with her again. If she doesn't trust me enough to include me in her life, then this friendship won't work.

What I failed to mention to all of you, is that I've invited her to my family events and some other gatherings (I know I don't have many friends but I do have a social group although I am not close with anyone). She will not reciprocate and that upsets me.

So I want to break up with her the right way this time. Should I just tell her straight out that we can't be friends b/c I don't feel close or should I just let it drift way like the last time?
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Old 04-05-2019, 12:29 PM
 
Location: British Columbia ♥ 🍁 ♥
7,094 posts, read 6,507,733 times
Reputation: 13850
Just back off and go your own way. Don't do anything, don't contact her, leave her alone and don't say anything. There is no reason for you to contact her just so you can tell her you're breaking up and then continue making accusations to her about trust issues and trying to make her feel guilty and ashamed. If she wants to include you in her life then let her be the one to contact you first and then you can say you're busy with other things and won't be available. Don't try to lay guilt trips on her. Don't try to contact her again if you're serious about breaking up.


.
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Old 04-05-2019, 12:45 PM
 
9,879 posts, read 3,926,184 times
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luckygirl, I'd advise you to just let it drift away.

I have a friend who sounds somewhat similar to you, and I don't introduce her to my friends either.

The few times I've tried, she does something memorably embarrassing and it's uncomfortable.

I wonder if you could use some really frank feedback from family - it doesn't sound like you have any positive, close relationships at all.
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Old 04-05-2019, 12:56 PM
 
9,638 posts, read 4,895,696 times
Reputation: 33265
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Thanks for your answers everyone.

I think I know what I have to do. I want to break up with her again. If she doesn't trust me enough to include me in her life, then this friendship won't work.

What I failed to mention to all of you, is that I've invited her to my family events and some other gatherings (I know I don't have many friends but I do have a social group although I am not close with anyone). She will not reciprocate and that upsets me.

So I want to break up with her the right way this time. Should I just tell her straight out that we can't be friends b/c I don't feel close or should I just let it drift way like the last time?
I don't understand why you believe she has some obligation to include you in gatherings with her other friends? She's perfectly within her rights to keep different groups of friends separate.
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Old 04-05-2019, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Upstate NY
35,102 posts, read 10,364,516 times
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Some people might have a circle of friends who do things together, but even in those cases, some have their own friends.

You shouldn't take offense because she doesn't introduce you to her friends, and invite you along. That's kindergarten stuff. Make your own friends.
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Old 04-05-2019, 03:25 PM
 
49 posts, read 12,654 times
Reputation: 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Thanks for your answers everyone.

I think I know what I have to do. I want to break up with her again. If she doesn't trust me enough to include me in her life, then this friendship won't work.

What I failed to mention to all of you, is that I've invited her to my family events and some other gatherings (I know I don't have many friends but I do have a social group although I am not close with anyone). She will not reciprocate and that upsets me.

So I want to break up with her the right way this time. Should I just tell her straight out that we can't be friends b/c I don't feel close or should I just let it drift way like the last time?

Break up with her?
Are you friends or lovers?

If you aren't dating a "break up" is not necessary.
Just blow her off.
I guess "ghost" is the term these days.

You don't have to break up with a person that you are not in an actual relationship with.
The fact that you are considering this makes you seem odd.
Maybe that's why she is trying to distance herself from you.
The fact that you are not in an actual relationship but you think that you should be "in the know" and included as far as everything going on with her is creepy.

I'm sorry to sound mean but it is.
Just give her some space.
Just because you have invited her to family gatherings it doesn't mean that she is obligated to invite you to hers.
You aren't dating her but you are treating the situation like you are.
If you were my "friend" I'd be creeped out by you.

Do you have a crush on her?

In the future if a friend doesn't introduce you to others know that people do not generally introduce people to others that they don't think will click with each other. So there is no reason to obsess over it.

But your break up talk is weird so that might not be what's going with your "friend"

Have you considered getting a dog?
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Old 04-05-2019, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,882 posts, read 17,190,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire View Post
I don't understand why you believe she has some obligation to include you in gatherings with her other friends? She's perfectly within her rights to keep different groups of friends separate.
I agree.
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Old 04-05-2019, 03:37 PM
 
49 posts, read 12,654 times
Reputation: 97
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indiana Tony View Post
Nah, no truth to that at all. I wasn't overly seeking attention, I just have a much better personality than he does.


Too bad if that upsets you.
Moderator cut: deleted

I knew a guy with a bad personality that spoke with a monotone voice too.
I don't know if he would get upset that others had better personalities or if he was even aware that they did. But he would get upset if he was feeling ignored.
So maybe you are in a situation like that.
But in my experiences situations like that are rare.
Usually it's because people are embarrassed by the person or because they don't think they'll click.

Maybe we know the same monotone voice guy and if so, everyone has a better personality then him so it's really no big deal lol.

PS
Just because you have a "good personality" it doesn't mean that it's impossible for people to be embarrassed by you.
Let's use strippers as an example. Strippers do their best to cultivate good personalities and try to be as personable as possible.
So there can be a stripper or a former stripper with a good personality but you still can't introduce her to certain people in case she mentions that she is a stripper or was a stripper.
You are judged by the company you keep and some people do not respect or trust people that are or were strippers. So you keep them separate because not only will they not actually click but they will also make you look bad no matter how nice, friendly and personable that they seem.
I can give a million examples of this.
So it really doesn't matter if you have a good personality or not.
A person can still be embarrassed to introduce you to certain people.

Last edited by june 7th; 04-06-2019 at 10:20 AM..
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Old 04-05-2019, 08:46 PM
 
582 posts, read 170,359 times
Reputation: 1658
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
Thanks for your answers everyone.

I think I know what I have to do. I want to break up with her again. If she doesn't trust me enough to include me in her life, then this friendship won't work.

What I failed to mention to all of you, is that I've invited her to my family events and some other gatherings (I know I don't have many friends but I do have a social group although I am not close with anyone). She will not reciprocate and that upsets me.

So I want to break up with her the right way this time. Should I just tell her straight out that we can't be friends b/c I don't feel close or should I just let it drift way like the last time?
To be a friend with you is to be all or nothing with no "grey" areas at all?

Enjoy the time that you have together even if she's no longer your *best* friend. Relationships can be fluid and that's okay.

I asked you before, but you either didn't see the question in my post or chose not to answer: Why did you break up with her four years ago? Knowing why you did so might lend clues to why she's is choosing to keep you on the periphery of her world.
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Old 04-05-2019, 09:30 PM
 
9,183 posts, read 9,159,768 times
Reputation: 11521
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygirl15 View Post
What would think, if your "best friend" doesn't introduce you to her other friends. She goes out with other people and doesn't ask me along. We used to talk a lot but now it's once a week, if that.

She seems to have other friends and activities and I don't have much going on in my life. I do depend on her, but I've always depended on her and she never seemed to mind.

I know I have problems (insecurity) but when we are together we laugh and have a great time and I forget my insecurities. What bothers me the most is that she doesn't invite me to do other things with her other friends. I even think she is hiding friends from me and says she's staying in, when really she is going out and doing stuff.

Any advice on how I could get her to accept me and include with her other friends?
Well, being direct is always good: "Hey, you're always talking about Mary. When am I going to get to meet her? Why don't you invite her along next time we go to a movie?"

But there are two pretty reasonable possibilities: She may not feel you'd get along, or she may like having all your attention to herself.
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