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Old 04-14-2019, 08:21 AM
1,630 posts, read 537,631 times
Reputation: 2576


I should add have your locks changed if you stay. If you get him kicked out, he'll probably leave with a key to return.
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Old 04-14-2019, 08:26 AM
10,087 posts, read 12,110,657 times
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Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
+1. Don't let him hold you emotionally hostage. If he threatens suicide, call the authorities and tell them he's a danger to himself. A psych hold will handle it.

You have done plenty, it's time for him to take responsibility for his life.

Baker Act him the day before moving day so he isn't around. Do it on a Friday and he probably won't be able to get out until Monday. Move to a new location, if you want to be nice put his stuff in a storage unit (pay the first month and give him the address/key).

He gets out then all of his things are in storage and he is free to move wherever he wants.
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Old 04-14-2019, 08:37 AM
11,183 posts, read 8,312,644 times
Reputation: 20171
3 pages and counting. I hope there are helpful replies.
Find a meeting for co-dependent substance abusers and attend a few. Listen to what they're going through. I believe you will find it very familiar. They will most likely have a list of resources available.
You love your brother, that's obvious. He's not being held accountable. If there's a halfway house or some program he'd be willing to try, that would be a positive for everyone.
If you're not involved in a good church, that's an idea. Larger churches usually have counselors available.
Best wishes for you both.
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Old 04-14-2019, 12:05 PM
4,102 posts, read 3,731,190 times
Reputation: 11219
You cannot just kick him out - he has established the rights of a tenant, after 19 months living there. You have to evict him. Depending upon the state in which you live, this process will take anywhere from a month to possibly six months or longer. You also cannot just move and leave him in there, because the LL will evict you BOTH, even though you're gone, in order to recover his apartment. Ending a lease is not only by the lease being over - you also have to give the LL back the empty apartment and return him the keys, and that's not going to happen if he's living in there, even if you have already left.

Look up how to evict someone in your state. The easiest thing to evict someone for is nonpayment of rent. So LIE. When you file, say that he was supposed to pay half the rent, and that he hasn't for 18 months or less. That will do it. You can also add that he has threatened you, which he has.

If he threatens suicide, call the cops to take him to the ER for a psych eval. If he threatens to harm you, call the cops and say he came at you with a knife, and that he has a history of suicidal threats.

Your responsibility to this brother is OVER. He is a leech, he doesn't love you, he just sees you as someone to use for free living. I cannot believe it took you over a year and a half to realize this.
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Old 04-14-2019, 02:51 PM
Location: planet earth
4,453 posts, read 1,697,036 times
Reputation: 10108
Every person is responsible for their own well-being.

If he kills himself, you are not responsible, no matter what he said. He is a cruel manipulator.

I would evict him. Tell him he has 3 days to "pay or quit," post a notice on the wall of the living room - tell him you want him out (check your state for actual procedures). You can do it yourself. Check out Nolo books on the subject. Go to forums that talk about evicting deadbeat relatives and read stories.

If you have any trouble with the eviction, and you don't mind moving, break your lease to get rid of this deadbeat relative.

You are not obligated to him.

You are enabling him.

Good luck.
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Old 04-14-2019, 02:59 PM
4,616 posts, read 3,939,465 times
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Is your apartment a month to month rental or do you have a lease? If it is a lease, when is it it up? When you can leave, get a new place without the moocher.
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Old 04-14-2019, 03:13 PM
Location: State of Transition
77,751 posts, read 69,650,531 times
Reputation: 75437
Originally Posted by Steve McDonald View Post
The OP has not mentioned how old he and his brother are or said anything about how many other family members are in the area. Might not other relatives at least be able to help the OP get his brother out of his home, even if they aren't willing to take him in, themselves?
He said no other family members are willing; they've been there, done that, burned out, I got the impression.
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Old 04-14-2019, 03:33 PM
Location: Phoenix, AZ
1,631 posts, read 713,068 times
Reputation: 3968
Originally Posted by Merus View Post

I am a crutch to him. If I wasn't around or I decided to kick him out, it's over for him. He'd rather kill himself than find another solution, or change his approach. And I'd rather not have that on my conscience.
Then you are doomed, sob sister.

If you don't want to be doomed you give him written notice (in front of a witness) that his tenancy is terminated as of such and such a date and if he doesn't leave you evict him through the courts.

Look up your state's landlord tenant laws for the appropriate notice period.

If he gets violent or abusive, take out a restraining order and the cops will put him out sooner.
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Old 04-14-2019, 07:36 PM
16,667 posts, read 14,374,213 times
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Welcome to C-D.

Wow, your brother's behaviour is outrageous. Almost unbelievable!

Even more unbelievable is your passive approach to this problem. Perhaps there is more to the story. Care to fill in the blanks?
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Old 04-14-2019, 08:15 PM
13,664 posts, read 13,439,491 times
Reputation: 39680
This is what I would do.

1) Put a deadbolt on your bedroom door with the landlord's permission (the permission part is important in my pov)

2) Get a storage space. Move ALL your valuables there that you can do without, ESPECIALLY your television and whatever couch he sleeps on.

3) Shop only for the food YOU are going to eat on any given day and prepare it for yourself. Better yet, go to a friend's house to cook your meals. Keep anything you absolutely need on hand in your bedroom.

4) Have your phone on you and be ready to livestream/record any threats or violence.

A week or two of this, and he will become enraged at you and probably find someplace else to sponge. But if you think he would hurt you, it may not be the best course of action.
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