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Old 04-16-2019, 03:44 PM
 
7,314 posts, read 11,461,457 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Quotes A Lot View Post
We're in a difficult situation in our lives where friendships have been sparse. We're in our early 30s, late 20s. People are moving on with their lives, starting families, etc. We met this guy through our co-ed softball league, and he's been an interesting component to our friend group. He's not great, obviously, but I had been trying to help break him out of his shell. We have fun when we do happen to get together. But, to your point, it clearly doesn't seem to be making a difference.
Why don't you just talk to him?

Part of the reason people don't know their faults is because nobody ever tells them. They just unfriend them or hold silent grudges. Or it becomes a 30 page thread on CD forum, lol.

I mean I understand if it's two female friends and one thinks the other has a veiled attitude of superiority or something, that's more intricate. More awkward, needs to be handled with care.

But yours is easy.
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Old 04-16-2019, 03:46 PM
 
780 posts, read 193,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
Why don't you just talk to him?

Part of the reason people don't know their faults is because nobody ever tells them. They just unfriend them or hold silent grudges.

I mean I understand if it's two female friends and one thinks the other has a veiled attitude of superiority or something, that's more intricate.

But yours is easy.
We have talked about it. He acknowledges he is difficult in this area. He also acknowledges that he has lost most of his friends due to this behavior. He is aware, yet he refuses to change. How do you fix that? Because I can't think of a way.
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Old 04-16-2019, 03:55 PM
 
7,314 posts, read 11,461,457 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Quotes A Lot View Post
We have talked about it. He acknowledges he is difficult in this area. He also acknowledges that he has lost most of his friends due to this behavior. He is aware, yet he refuses to change. How do you fix that? Because I can't think of a way.
I love CD forum.

Always presented with scenarios that have no possible reasonable solution...
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:07 PM
 
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Perfect situation to just cut down on the invitations, unless the event is really "un-hijackable."

It's not ghosting him since you say you already explained things to him.

Don't keep going to the same well.
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:11 PM
 
780 posts, read 319,995 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Quotes A Lot View Post
We have talked about it. He acknowledges he is difficult in this area. He also acknowledges that he has lost most of his friends due to this behavior. He is aware, yet he refuses to change. How do you fix that? Because I can't think of a way.
You can only control your own behavior. Stop accommodating him. Just don't do it. That will bring an immediate end to this problem. Forever.

His having friends or not is not your problem. He has trouble keeping friends because he feels entitled to their time. That's not kind... it's not the sort of thing a good friend does. And he clearly doesn't want to be friends with people who don't allow him to throw wrenches in their plans and budgets in order to maximize his own convenience and preferences.
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
I love CD forum.

Always presented with scenarios that have no possible reasonable solution...
Not everything has a reasonable solution. I know that as an engineer, that must be difficult to accept.

My issue isn't about how to fix this guy, it's about how best to go about dealing with him as it relates to inviting him to things.
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:19 PM
 
3,835 posts, read 1,624,194 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Quotes A Lot View Post
Not everything has a reasonable solution. I know that as an engineer, that must be difficult to accept.

My issue isn't about how to fix this guy, it's about how best to go about dealing with him as it relates to inviting him to things.
Just invite him and tell him what the start time/location is. Dont give him room to negotiate. It is easy enough to say - Were all meeting at Joes bar for Petes birthday on Friday @ 6:30pm. Wed love to see you there. If youre not available then, maybe we can do something another time. Or Im having a little get together to watch the game on Sunday, Id love it if you could come over at around 5pm. Dont act like there is any room for negotiation.
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:21 PM
 
7,314 posts, read 11,461,457 times
Reputation: 8087
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Quotes A Lot View Post
Not everything has a reasonable solution. I know that as an engineer, that must be difficult to accept.

My issue isn't about how to fix this guy, it's about how best to go about dealing with him as it relates to inviting him to things.
Well, if you've talked to him, and tell him he's been being a pr@ck, and he says 'I agree I've been a pr@ck, but that's who I am, and I can't do anything about it'.

Then it seems reasonable to not invite him out anymore...
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:38 PM
 
3,758 posts, read 2,960,040 times
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This guy needs to decide between always having his way, or having friends.

Unless you're going to a bar where everyone is watching and rooting for the same team, playoff hockey is more fun to watch at home where you can have the volume up and yell at the TV. Like I was doing last night. Go Caps!
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:42 PM
 
780 posts, read 193,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick View Post
This guy needs to decide between always having his way, or having friends.

Unless you're going to a bar where everyone is watching and rooting for the same team, playoff hockey is more fun to watch at home where you can have the volume up and yell at the TV. Like I was doing last night. Go Caps!
Couldn't agree more. Tough game last night, but what about that KO by Ovi. Holy smokes!
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