U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 04-27-2019, 11:43 AM
 
Location: British Columbia ♥ 🍁 ♥
7,094 posts, read 6,505,361 times
Reputation: 13850

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
What threats? The financial "demands" are just the foolish gibberish of an angry narcissist, nothing legal or legit.

Read posts 198 and 199 for starters. They are valid. Read my post # 167 re: long term legal complications of disinheritment, and/or allegations of OP's unsoundness of mind that was implied against her in the mother's first email. The adoptive family is very clearly not stable and there's no telling what kind of outraged revenge they might try to resort to. OP does need to seek legal counsel and enquire about restraining orders, and about her legal rights if faced with disinheritment and she needs to protect her future children's rights of inheritment. And if they do not attempt to disinherit her the OP will also need to make enquiries to protect her future children from the custody of her adoptive family in the event that something happens to the OP and her husband.


.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-27-2019, 11:49 AM
 
Location: Port Charlotte FL
1,055 posts, read 622,831 times
Reputation: 3048
cut 'em loose Bruce...sounds like middle eastern outdated family values..life is too short to be bound up by craziness even if it is family..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2019, 11:50 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,934 posts, read 69,884,727 times
Reputation: 75699
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
You can't get a restraining order for family drama. There has to be an actual threat or significant history of stalking. OP got a drama-flounce email, a visit from a brother or sister (we still don't know which), and a silly non-legal letter from narcissistic drama mama. There is no basis for a restraining order at this time.

Anyone can sue anyone for anything, unfortunately. If a lawsuit is found frivolous, it will cost the ones who waste the court's time. Hopefully it won't come to that.
With a lawyer's guidance, though, the OP could keep a paper trail, and would have someone to confer with, who could help determine when a line has been crossed, and what to do when the line gets crossed. Just a thought.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2019, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Pacific Northwest
294 posts, read 122,385 times
Reputation: 1339
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53 View Post
Therapists have a term "secret contracts", meaning that someone does things for someone, apparently freely, but with unspoken expectations that the recipient will do something for them in return later. Your family appears to be the champion of secret contracts. I'm so sorry you're going through this but they're really showing their true colors.

I'm VERY glad you have good family on your husband's side.
Just got back from therapy and we actually talked about that exact concept. Its still crazy to me that my family would go this way, but I've also met enough adopted folks to know that these kind of things happen with dramatic blow ups and hurt feelings.

Overall the big shocker was the sudden shifting of behavior in little moments. I was raised to respect and love everyone no matter what religion or race. Most of my siblings are married and have children, obviously would do anything for my parents if asked. But for some reason I was the one that would be picked for this mission...one kid who clearly didn't show interest in staying at home. And personally I can't understand why I would be the one making me feel that this is all just a power trip on their part to perhaps scare me back into the fold for whatever reason.

I personally hate conflict and have enough trama built up outside family matters to last a lifetime so I have no interests in playing games. And after talking to my therapist we're pretty sure the best route is just ignore and move on. At the end of the day their only weapon is trying to get me to fear embodiment on their part and I clearly don't care if any of them continue. In a weird way that was the best thing to come out of me being adopted; at the end of the day they aren't anything but family on a piece of paper. And I can appreciate all the good times of my childhood and love the positive memories, but those alone don't make a "family". I loved my family, but in no reasonable or logical way have they show recently that they love or respect me at all. Anyone with a brain can read the letters and demands and see all they think about is themselves for whatever reason.

But like I said, I'm viewing this as freedom to now be free to have my own real family that I can double my time and energy in. Which is actually really exciting us; we've been planning on having our first child sometime soon but now that the pressures and unwanted advice is pretty much eliminated we're feeling at ease with being pregnant and me having a drama free 9 months (guaranteed not gonna happen with my family). We don't have to fight anyone with moving and no more shuffling plans to please anyone besides our household. Honestly its starting to sound like a dream come true haha.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2019, 11:54 AM
 
12,018 posts, read 6,622,146 times
Reputation: 12820
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zoisite View Post
Read posts 198 and 199 for starters. They are valid. Read my post # 167 re: long term legal complications of disinheritment, and/or allegations of OP's unsoundness of mind that was implied against her in the mother's first email. The adoptive family is very clearly not stable and there's no telling what kind of outraged revenge they might try to resort to. OP does need to seek legal counsel and enquire about restraining orders, and about her legal rights if faced with disinheritment and she needs to protect her future children's rights of inheritment. And if they do not attempt to disinherit her the OP will also need to make enquiries to protect her future children from the custody of her adoptive family in the event that something happens to the OP and her husband.

.
The parents have every right to disinherit the OP. It happens all the time.

Agree, OP need to be sure any children are protected. Be sure her will and documents are updated so that family is fully removed from any possibility of interfering in anything in the future. Unfortunately there is no way to legally divorce a family of origin, they are always in the lineup of "kin".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2019, 12:23 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,615,096 times
Reputation: 13502
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
You can't get a restraining order for family drama. There has to be an actual threat or significant history of stalking. OP got a drama-flounce email, a visit from a brother or sister (we still don't know which), and a silly non-legal letter from narcissistic drama mama. There is no basis for a restraining order at this time.

Anyone can sue anyone for anything, unfortunately. If a lawsuit is found frivolous, it will cost the ones who waste the court's time. Hopefully it won't come to that.
If someone has shown proof of asking someone to leave them alone and the perpetrator continues contact/threats or sends people to your home you certainly can seek a protection or restraining order. So while it may not be necessary At this point , threatening you will get one might be enough to stop drama mama from
Harrassing.

“Harassment” occurs when:

The adverse party threatens to harm another person in the future, damages another person’s property, confines or restrains another person, or does any act intended to substantially harm another person’s physical or mental health or safety; AND
The adverse party’s words or conduct causes the applicant to reasonably fear that the threats will be carried out. (NRS 200.571.)”

Hopefully the OP consistently not responding, blocking , will nip this in the bud. Unfortunately from personal experience sometimes a threat of legal action is all it takes. If her family take it a step further then it makes sense for the op to know what her legal options are just in case. The threat was enough to keep my abusive father off my back but if ignored it I at least knew who to contact and what my legal options were.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2019, 12:44 PM
 
7,970 posts, read 11,613,016 times
Reputation: 10458
My first thought is that this post is fake. Not saying it is or not, just that it might be.

How could someone be that out of touch with sibs and parents to be surprised by this sort of craziness?
Did she not know her parents and sibs were prone to this sort of extreme response?
Because this is sort of crazy. Something here is off.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2019, 01:13 PM
 
794 posts, read 217,976 times
Reputation: 2197
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
The police and courts don't tend to take family situations seriously. Even when an actual crime occurs they consider it domestic and often refuse to investigate or put any time into it. The most they may do is tell the other party not to contact. Often it is difficult to get a restraining order even if significant harassment is occurring.

The awful thing is if you go for help and support you may get a side eye because it's "family" and they think there is something more to the story and sometimes even blame the victim.

I would just block numbers, refuse any contact from any family members by any means, and go on with my life and plans. If they try to take a legal first step that would get attention, then seek counsel. Of course document everything from the beginning of this and keep a file just in case.
But hopefully they won't think that far and will just get scared by it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
What threats? The financial "demands" are just the foolish gibberish of an angry narcissist, nothing legal or legit.
But they can try. They can attempt to drag it to court and waste OP's time, possibly get it dragged into the media and OP's dirty laundry aired.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2019, 01:15 PM
 
Location: British Columbia ♥ 🍁 ♥
7,094 posts, read 6,505,361 times
Reputation: 13850
Quote:
Originally Posted by musicfamly5 View Post

...... Well after the weekend I got a nice follow-up from my family. A day ago, I woke up to one of my brothers knocking at my door. He asked how I was doing, and I simply asked how he thought I should feel. Immediately he said “regretful; we told you that mom would freak out.” I asked what mom told all them and he flat out told me that my mother had sent the email to everyone in the house and told them to give me space. With that I was pretty much done so I asked my sister to do just that and had her leave. Before doing so she made sure to remind me that my family forbid me from going onto their property (because that was so tempting) and assured me that “they would treat me as aggressive trespasser”. Thankfully my husband was quick to assure her the same was regarded towards each of them and made sure she left.......

Musicfamly5, you really do need to clarify this because it appears you can't differentiate from one moment to the next between a brother and a sister.
.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2019, 01:31 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,615,096 times
Reputation: 13502
Quote:
Originally Posted by Giesela View Post
My first thought is that this post is fake. Not saying it is or not, just that it might be.

How could someone be that out of touch with sibs and parents to be surprised by this sort of craziness?
Did she not know her parents and sibs were prone to this sort of extreme response?
Because this is sort of crazy. Something here is off.

Denial is very powerful. I loved my mother dearly and wanted to be loved , so I made up all sorts of excuses for those little red flags. Does anybody really imagine their mother or father doesn’t love them, or that they harbor expectations that in moments of anger slip out. It’s not that we are out of touch, it’s that emotional /psychological abuse creates a fog . You cling to the hope they love and care about you until one day the fog clears and wham!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top