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Old 04-19-2019, 07:32 PM
 
6,432 posts, read 1,276,258 times
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I will simply say that that is NOT a letter from a "loving mother", but it is a letter from a controlling and selfish one, imo. Hugs to you, OP.
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Old 04-19-2019, 07:33 PM
 
3,135 posts, read 1,640,344 times
Reputation: 8580
Quote:
Originally Posted by musicfamly5 View Post
No, my family is extremely close knit and so far it seems that they're all either joining my parents or trying to stick out of this because it's just so bizarre they don't want to get involved (in which case I have to agree, I would prefer this stays between my parents and me).

Clearly its not "out of nowhere", they did express disappointment over us relocating (only 30 minutes away) and moving in his mother/grandmother. But they never told us why and we had though we had overcome that issue because we had made up and things were back to normal relationship wise. We go to their house for dinner every week and I visit my mother at least once a week with no indication they hated his mother, my career, or that I would be expected to take on responsibilities.
Whoa this is about moving only 30 minutes away????
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Old 04-19-2019, 07:46 PM
 
947 posts, read 353,113 times
Reputation: 1709
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert20170 View Post
Wow, talk about manipulation at its finest. Your mother is a pro! You are under no obligation to take care of anyone but yourself. I would never put that type of burden on my own children. NEVER. If you truly want my opinion, I think your mother did you a favor with this temper tantrum by showing her true colors. Run, don't walk away from this drama, and let her finally come to her senses and ask for your forgiveness some day. If not, move on with your life.
My thoughts exactly.Send her a thank you card.
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Old 04-19-2019, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,695 posts, read 41,411,184 times
Reputation: 82053
Quote:
Originally Posted by musicfamly5 View Post

And his mother and grandmother have both cried with me and are so distraught that they might have caused the problems themselves I just can't imagine at this point giving any of them up.
You read it to your MIL???
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Old 04-19-2019, 09:18 PM
 
9,906 posts, read 3,935,720 times
Reputation: 24983
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
Whoa — this is about moving only 30 minutes away????
THAT'S what I was about to say!!!!!

That's like, moving to a different neighborhood. Your mother has disowned you for moving to a different neighborhood.

OP, I suspect your mother is having some kind of psychiatric episode.

If this is unusual for her, and you never saw this coming, it sounds like she needs a mental health evaluation.

And your dad may be walking on eggshells, as may everyone else, and no one wants to be the next victim and upset the apple cart in this whirlwind.

But honestly. This kind of letter to you is bizarre, considering this is a move 30 minutes away, and out of character for her.
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Old 04-19-2019, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,588 posts, read 14,193,916 times
Reputation: 30208
Yeah, I agree with the other posters who advise you to ignore the letter. Your mother was overwrought, and she comes off as incredibly selfish. She wants you to leave your husband? That is nuts.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Proceed with your plans, full speed ahead.

Your mother wants $500 back for money she gave you to furnish a dorm room? Insane. She is holding your personal stuff? Why? What good are those things to her?

The best way for you to assure your family that you will not be the major caregiver for your parents, is to ignore.

Eventually, you will learn what this is all about. I do agree that if there is a family member not so close to all of this, who might shed light on the situation, you could carefully ask that person. But ultimately, you will find out. It might not be anything you have considered. Or it could be that the reason is that you "owe a debt" because you were adopted. I know you have been blindsided. Ignoring and moving on will be hard. But don't engage on this topic, because you will gain nothing from doing so. If you simply ignore, your mother will lose, if you want to think of it that way. And it seems to me that she has already lost you by her actions.
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Old 04-19-2019, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,695 posts, read 41,411,184 times
Reputation: 82053
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
Whoa this is about moving only 30 minutes away????
That was the original move, when they moved her husband's mom and grandma in to a new house with them.

I believe this is about a different move to another location.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:10 PM
 
1,680 posts, read 554,349 times
Reputation: 2644
This sounds like a cult.

There seems to be something about you that mom hoped to be able to always control, stay home, take care of her. (not take care of husband? kids?) If you leave, she could die.

Everyone lives at home?

Dad says if you leave he wouldn't get to see your children. Meaning, apparently, he can't go the 30 minutes and underscoring you can't come back the 30 minutes.

BUT...also meaning that if you continued to live at home, he would see your children. MEANING...your husband and kids are expected to be added to the home.

How large is that mega mansion?

You move 30 minutes away and this is considered abandonment.

Moving with husband = Leaving = abandonment of family = fury and wrath.

Mom speaks of keeping up your end of things, of taking up "our family traditions".

Scary stuff.

Don't give her any more fuel. Leave. Maybe move further with your husband and his parents. Try to have some peace.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:28 PM
 
16,801 posts, read 14,444,532 times
Reputation: 37859
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
I find it kind of hard to believe you didn't realize how awful your family is before now.
Um. Yeah?

Quote:
Has your mother always been a narcissistic monster whose children dance to her tune?

Good question. Yet the OP seems to find this a huge surprise.
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:30 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,997 posts, read 21,643,332 times
Reputation: 22112
Wow OP I don’t even know what to say. How horrible your mother is being to you, and your siblings!! I agree with the others, ignore it and do not engage.
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