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Old 04-22-2019, 08:41 AM
 
2 posts, read 2,198 times
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I'm a college student, and I donít have a lot of close friends because Iím pretty introverted and havenít had a lot of time to hang out with friends this semester because of school. But this weekend was my a cappella concerts, which are a pretty big deal for me since they only happen once a semester and hours and hours of rehearsal go into preparing for it. I invited four of my friends in advance, with all of them paying for tickets and telling me they would come. I was really excited and even volunteered for ticketing because I wanted to greet them at the door, but by the time our opener was performing, no one had showed up. I had even texted one of my friends (my roommate) 30 minutes before and he confirmed he was going to make it, then said that ďsomething came upĒ after the show started. I was pretty much on the verge of tears backstage minutes before I had to go out and sing... I would have been understanding if they had told me in advance that they couldnít make it, and some of them had seen the group perform before so Iíd get it if they didnít want to come again. Even if they were busy on saturday night, we had a friday night show as well that they could have come to. I wouldn't even have minded if they came late because seeing them in the audience would have made me so happy. Luckily, my boyfriend came both nights so I at least I had one person there supporting me.

This isnít the first time some of these people have bailed on me with bad excuses, and at this point iím not sure if itís better to have ****ty friends or no friends at all. Am I just being too emotional about this or should I be upset? One of them is my roommate and I donít want to ruin our relationship over this but I was really hurt.
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Old 04-22-2019, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,140 posts, read 41,752,473 times
Reputation: 82836
Quote:
Originally Posted by benivor2 View Post
I'm a college student, and I donít have a lot of close friends because Iím pretty introverted and havenít had a lot of time to hang out with friends this semester because of school. But this weekend was my a cappella concerts, which are a pretty big deal for me since they only happen once a semester and hours and hours of rehearsal go into preparing for it. I invited four of my friends in advance, with all of them paying for tickets and telling me they would come. I was really excited and even volunteered for ticketing because I wanted to greet them at the door, but by the time our opener was performing, no one had showed up. I had even texted one of my friends (my roommate) 30 minutes before and he confirmed he was going to make it, then said that ďsomething came upĒ after the show started. I was pretty much on the verge of tears backstage minutes before I had to go out and sing... I would have been understanding if they had told me in advance that they couldnít make it, and some of them had seen the group perform before so Iíd get it if they didnít want to come again. Even if they were busy on saturday night, we had a friday night show as well that they could have come to. I wouldn't even have minded if they came late because seeing them in the audience would have made me so happy. Luckily, my boyfriend came both nights so I at least I had one person there supporting me.

This isnít the first time some of these people have bailed on me with bad excuses, and at this point iím not sure if itís better to have ****ty friends or no friends at all. Am I just being too emotional about this or should I be upset? One of them is my roommate and I donít want to ruin our relationship over this but I was really hurt.
What did your roommate say happened when you got back that night?

Sorry this happened. I have to say it's kind of typical for college students. I understand how it must have felt in that moment.

If I were you, though, I would try to look at it as a series of unfortunate coincidences, rather than as complete and total abandonment. Focus on the folks who were there, and be happy that you have passed this milestone even without their presence.
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Old 04-22-2019, 09:40 AM
 
6,515 posts, read 2,355,719 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
What did your roommate say happened when you got back that night?

Sorry this happened. I have to say it's kind of typical for college students. I understand how it must have felt in that moment.

If I were you, though, I would try to look at it as a series of unfortunate coincidences, rather than as complete and total abandonment. Focus on the folks who were there, and be happy that you have passed this milestone even without their presence.

This is the grown-up way to be. That said...since these friends have done this before, speaking for myself...emotionally, I'd write them off. Especially if they don't reach out to you and explain what happened.


If it were me, knowing MY emotional make-up, I'd be 'done' with them.
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Old 04-22-2019, 09:55 AM
 
2 posts, read 2,198 times
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He said that it was because his girlfriend (who he was supposed to come to the concert with) got really sick that day and he was going to come alone but didn't want to leave her alone. I honestly don't even know if this is just an excuse he's making up because he didn't even say that she was sick before, just that "something came up."

Also, if I were sick and my boyfriend had an event to go to or another obligation, I wouldn't stop him from going just to take care of me...

But thanks, I'll try not too put too much weight on this incident and just be more aware about how they treat me.
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Old 04-22-2019, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,159 posts, read 10,333,551 times
Reputation: 33113
See if it's a one time thing or if a pattern develops then you will know their true intentions.
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Old 04-22-2019, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,093 posts, read 5,877,402 times
Reputation: 30347
Sorry OP. I love a cappella, would have attended!
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Old 04-22-2019, 11:26 AM
 
5,910 posts, read 6,707,131 times
Reputation: 15252
These people are NOT your friends.


It doesn't mean you have to shun them or abandon the "friendship", but just recognize it for what it is and act accordingly.


In times of stress, even moderately so, you find out who your true friends really are. Usually it is not who you think of.
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Old 04-22-2019, 11:41 AM
 
10,060 posts, read 4,015,956 times
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I agree it's sad you were counting on them and they basically lied about being willing to go.

But maybe next time, you can invite people who you know enjoy a cappella music? It's something that not everyone would choose to attend in their free time.

By your admission, you haven't had time to be with them because you're busy with your studies - so maybe they're not close enough friends to attend something for you "as a favor"?

I'm sorry you got hurt -
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Old 04-22-2019, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,594 posts, read 4,674,480 times
Reputation: 27774
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
I agree it's sad you were counting on them and they basically lied about being willing to go.
They lied to the extent of buying tickets.

That's weird.
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Old 04-22-2019, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
736 posts, read 251,195 times
Reputation: 1618
How much were those tickets? People probably wouldn’t spend 30 bucks just to avoid saying no, but 5 to 10 bucks I could see. Surprisingly a lot of people 100% prefer the last minute cancellation under pretense over an outright no. After all the latter invites a conversation about the reasons while the former may trigger suspicions but at face value leaves them blameless.
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