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Old 04-26-2019, 05:00 AM
 
38,129 posts, read 14,894,548 times
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Passive-aggressive relative has decided she needs a gluten-free diet due to her various health issues. Can she order the obviously gluten-free menu items?

Oh, if only.

Every time we go out, it's a lengthy discussion with the wait staff on whether this item contains any gluten or that item can be made without the bread. Do they have gluten-free bread?

Now she's decided she's lactose intolerant as well.

Good grief.
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Old 04-26-2019, 05:07 AM
 
10,526 posts, read 12,733,337 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
This sort of stuff these friends of yours do in restaurants doesn't really sound aggressive. They may be asserting themselves or being fussy, but what you've described is hardly aggression. If your friend jumped up, grabbed the server by the collar, and barked their demands face to face, now THAT would be aggression. Servers get customer requests all the time. Many people have specific dietary requirements let alone preferences. All the server needs to do is decline substitutions if they feel they aren't reasonable. Doesn't sound as if that was the case. The manner in which the requests are made matters. If the customer is courteous, what's the problem? If these sorts of situations cause you this much anxiety OP maybe you should go out to restaurants on your own.
The kind of people who do this are somewhat aggressive and demanding, is what I meant. Especially in these situations.
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Old 04-26-2019, 05:12 AM
 
10,526 posts, read 12,733,337 times
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Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
? YOU said they asked, not demanded.
But then they would describe to the waiter what it was, how to make it, the exact ingredients, etc. In some ways that's even worse than the Jack Nicholson scene. And it does NOT have a darn thing to do with diet restrictions. It's just what they are in the mood for eating at that moment.
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Old 04-26-2019, 06:15 AM
 
Location: OHIO
2,351 posts, read 1,075,900 times
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Never experienced anything dramatic, just your typical "hold the onions" or whatever.
I don't hang out with complicated people I guess
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Old 04-26-2019, 06:31 AM
 
9,786 posts, read 5,000,424 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould View Post
Passive-aggressive relative has decided she needs a gluten-free diet due to her various health issues. Can she order the obviously gluten-free menu items?

Oh, if only.

Every time we go out, it's a lengthy discussion with the wait staff on whether this item contains any gluten or that item can be made without the bread. Do they have gluten-free bread?

Now she's decided she's lactose intolerant as well.

Good grief.
I'm gluten intolerant. I don't think asking if something can be made without bread is unreasonable (like getting a burger without a bun). I don't want to be limited to just eating salads.

However I don't bother asking waitstaff if something contains gluten, because 9 times out of 10, they have no idea. That's a dangerous gamble to take.
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Old 04-26-2019, 06:36 AM
 
3,714 posts, read 3,119,072 times
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I don't have a problem with someone asking for a reasonable change to a menu item. I do have a problem with someone being rude to their server. I have a good friend who has never been anything but nice to me but she becomes a demanding, rude monster to her servers. It's almost as if she feels compelled to talk down them.

How people treat servers is a good indication of who they really are.
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Old 04-26-2019, 06:40 AM
 
3,714 posts, read 3,119,072 times
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Originally Posted by hertfordshire View Post
I'm gluten intolerant. I don't think asking if something can be made without bread is unreasonable (like getting a burger without a bun). I don't want to be limited to just eating salads.

However I don't bother asking waitstaff if something contains gluten, because 9 times out of 10, they have no idea. That's a dangerous gamble to take.

How badly have the fake "I can't eat gluten" people screwed up restaurant dining for those of you with real intolerance? It seems like half of America contracted gluten intolerance in the last five years.
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Old 04-26-2019, 06:55 AM
 
9,786 posts, read 5,000,424 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1insider View Post
How badly have the fake "I can't eat gluten" people screwed up restaurant dining for those of you with real intolerance? It seems like half of America contracted gluten intolerance in the last five years.
Not much at all. Initially (went GF about 5 years ago), it bothered me that waitstaff might not take me seriously when I say I'm intolerant because they deal with fakes, but at this point, I don't even bother telling them that I'm intolerant. I simply order what I know is GF. (Unless I'm ordering something that the menu specifically states can be altered to be GF. Then I tell them. But those types of establishments are usually well equipped to deal with allergies and intolerances)

The reason it seems like half of America became intolerant in the last five years is increased awareness. More people talking about it means more people identifying it as a possible issue for them. I went for years (decades?) just tolerating gastro-intestinal upset as my "normal". I had never heard of gluten as a possible culprit. But once people started talking about it, I decided to try an elimination diet (under supervision of my doctor).

Sure, there are fakes, but there are also legitimately intolerant people who aren't properly educated about managing their condition (or not as vigilant as they should be ... it's a tough change to make). People like to assume that they're just faking. No, they're just not getting it quite right just yet. But I don't think the fakes are as widespread as people want to think.

Of course, I would feel differently if I had celiac and it were a more crucial situation. Cross-contamination isn't an issue for me. It is for a lot of people.
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Old 04-26-2019, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
12,163 posts, read 10,344,414 times
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If people get too crazy when I'm out at a restaurant with them I make sure it's the last time I'm ever in a restaurant with them.
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Old 04-26-2019, 08:40 AM
 
1,627 posts, read 746,845 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzyRules View Post
Oh really? I have a "lot" of these friends? I had absolutely no idea that the vast majority of my friends were this way. I must be losing my mind, because I would have described it as just a few. Thanks for the enlightening comment.
So, you jump on that one word as an insult. "Lots," "a few" ... the point is that this complaint about "aggressive" friends" has come up before in any number of your threads. Maybe you don't notice your frequency describing others as aggressive, but some of your longtime readers do.

IF this trait bothers you that much, why don't you work on developing some ASSERTIVENESS and learn to not put yourself in a situation where you already know that certain persons do something you find embarrassing and/or annoying? Or how to approach it in a way that might lead to an improvement?

You missed the "enlightening" part. Suggesting you look at what it is in your own personality that puts you into these situations and that brings about a complaint over and over again – is not an insult even if you don't like the way I said it.

Last edited by CatzPaw; 04-26-2019 at 09:13 AM..
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