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It doesn't sound like much is left of your mother's estate. When my mother died in FL, I could have gotten 3% for being executrix of her approximately 100k estate, so not much at all. I didn't take it because I thought my siblings would resent it.
I really don’t know for sure. A few years ago they (mom and brother) claimed all she had was her SS check and a small monthly pension. Even if it was a lot, I would have declined. I just don’t want to deal with my brother in any way.
Yep. He knew my mothers constant babying of my brother and making excuses for his behavior. She was reined in by my dad, but he knew if he died first all bets were off. My brother blew through his inheritance (300k) within 2 years of my fathers death. Then he went to work on my mom (who was left just under 3 million) eventually leaving her with just her SS check and a small pension. He didn’t think he should have to work like the rest of us and my mother supported him in that belief. Apparently he’s too “special”.
When they came after me for money, I wasn’t a bit guilty saying no. I did offer to buy prescriptions and groceries for my mom, but she refused saying she just wanted money to do it herself. Yeah, not buying that. Any money I gave her would go right into my brother’s pocket. IMO, he was given way more than his fair share and didn’t deserve a dime.
I truly appreciate that my dad saw what could (and did) happen and provided me with money the two of them couldn’t touch. I haven’t spent a dime yet, but it really has added to my retirement funds quite nicely.
It's really a shame someone who has some money has to fend off relatives who feel deserving of the money. My grandmother was constantly fending off requests and resentments when she said no. She always said having the money was a burden. Once she went to one relative's wedding (one she had "helped" several times over the years) only to be asked at the reception to pay for the wedding as the family couldn't pay the bill.
So, it is a sad reality that shutting down any contact is the only option for peace.
He’s 60. I just turned 59. He hasn’t worked anywhere near the 40 quarters necessary for SS. I guess his little sister (me) will be enjoying retirement well before he does.
Had your lawyer advised you to sign off and waive any rights to this estate?
Declining the executor duty for the reason you stated is your option. I find the executor duty is much like accounting and accounts payable. Fill out forms and present to the courts for distribution. Not sure how that process is an FU to anyone.
Had your lawyer advised you to sign off and waive any rights to this estate?
Declining the executor duty for the reason you stated is your option. I find the executor duty is much like accounting and accounts payable. Fill out forms and present to the courts for distribution. Not sure how that process is an FU to anyone.
Enjoy retirement.
My mother removed me from the will and made my brother her only heir. But, she also made me the only executor. Before I cut off contact, her estate was to be split 50/50 between us and we were co-executors.
I think they thought I would have to serve as executor and do all the work while my brother got all the proceeds. The only way to win a game with those two is not to play.
Yeah, I never expected there would be much money left anyway, since she has not been careful about spending it. And really, it’s hers to do with as she wishes.
The part that galls me is the suspicion that my brother will now play the Golden Child because getting 100% of the inheritance means he can indulge her unrealistic wishes, which earlier he and I agreed was foolish.
If I have no legal say in how they spend her money, they’d better not expect to come after me if it runs out before her bills are paid. Especially since neither has uttered a peep since that meeting, other than my brother’s terse sentence saying he is now primary executor. I believe he is telling the truth; I also believe he may be withholding another fact.
Good luck with tying any loose ends with your situation. I wish I could beam you the contented demeanor of my former vanpool rider when she said ever since cutting ties to her brother, she has fully enjoyed every holiday anyway. She is the very picture of “No Regrets.”
It may not come into a play, but check this “ filial duty” states article, then look up your state. https://www.farrlawfirm.com/resource...bility-states/
It does not happen often, but some states in some cases went after the children of impoverished parents.
If you are a resident of one- read the law details in your state and document what you can so you are and your family is protected .
I understand that some cultural traditions not an easy thing to mentally abandon. I am sure your mother loves you in her own way. Glad that you seem to be prepared to handle this situation well.
Good luck!
It's very very very saaaaaaaaad. I don't know your issue/conflicts with your mother but waterer was the conflict. It doesn't deserve to cut her off for years then suddenly you've received her death news from a family FRIEND!!! It's so very shocking and sad. I disagree with u. If the main reason that caused things to reach to that extent was due to money. I would say, basically, you don't have to give anything you inherited from your father, and no one can force you to do anything out of your will. But, don't cut your mother off at all for years. At least keep a cordial or at very least even formal relationship. Not like that. Even the last moments of her life you weren't there. I want to feel sorry for you but I can't, since I don't see that you feel sorry for yourself.
These issues overall such as misunderstanding between parents and their children or between siblings to each other happen in all families. Even the family or mother that you wish you had. It's a normal thing. You should know better than me. If you got extremely mad, and felt necessary you can leave for a short period of time until things got calm down then contact them again.
On the other hand, I don't expect that you and your brother 59 and 60. I thought this story about young persons. So I assume your mother was in her 80s ! right? If so, she's elderly after all. There could be misunderstood to your mother's issue with her son (your brother). She might feel the need of her son in her life which made her acted in a certain way that bothered you. Or even have a weak character that made her act in inappropriate way. People who have weak character are really difficult to deal with.
What made me think of this is what she had stated at her will when she made you her 'will's Executor' which you see it and described it as (very unexpected). But why would she do that unexpected thing?
It's OBVIOUS that your mother originally knew that her son (your sibling) is incapable to be an executor to her will which made her choose the appropriate person in her view. Especially if she had only 2 children, you and your brother.
I don't completely understand the executor's issues you all discussed. But your mother might worry about her son; at the same time, she knew he's unqualified to be an executor. So, I may suggest you to consider achieving her well. At least you would achieve the last wish to her.
Moreover, if I didn't misunderstand your thread, you stated that your mother didn't leave anything for you, so you will not inherit anything from her; at the same time she made you her will's executor. Which means executor for a will that you will not get anything from it!! it sounds weird & inappropriate! (I'm talking according to your culture or laws)
In addition, I also noticed that some posters stated that being an executor you have right to get a dime for every service you would do. From this point, I would say:
I really dought that your mother who wrote this will didn't know about that. she might see that you are not in need her legacy as much as she worried about your brother's future who doesn't have anything, at the same time, she might know that you will get money instead of the service you will present as being an executor, and she wanted that, it's not like she wanted to punish you with her son like what you understood or thought. Her son seems not know about that will at all until her death. (Again: I'm talking according to your culture, not according to mine)
When I write this, it doesn't mean I agree her. it's NOT like that. I just want to say_according to your culture_ she might think in that way that you've never thought of it.
It's very very very saaaaaaaaad. I don't know your issue/conflicts with your mother but waterer was the conflict. It doesn't deserve to cut her off for years then suddenly you've received her death news from a family FRIEND!!! It's so very shocking and sad. I disagree with u. If the main reason that caused things to reach to that extent was due to money. I would say, basically, you don't have to give anything you inherited from your father, and no one can force you to do anything out of your will. But, don't cut your mother off at all for years. At least keep a cordial or at very least even formal relationship. Not like that. Even the last moments of her life you weren't there. I want to feel sorry for you but I can't, since I don't see that you feel sorry for yourself.
These issues overall such as misunderstanding between parents and their children or between siblings to each other happen in all families. Even the family or mother that you wish you had. It's a normal thing. You should know better than me. If you got extremely mad, and felt necessary you can leave for a short period of time until things got calm down then contact them again.
On the other hand, I don't expect that you and your brother 59 and 60. I thought this story about young persons. So I assume your mother was in her 80s ! right? If so, she's elderly after all. There could be misunderstood to your mother's issue with her son (your brother). She might feel the need of her son in her life which made her acted in a certain way that bothered you. Or even have a weak character that made her act in inappropriate way. People who have weak character are really difficult to deal with.
What made me think of this is what she had stated at her will when she made you her 'will's Executor' which you see it and described it as (very unexpected). But why would she do that unexpected thing?
It's OBVIOUS that your mother originally knew that her son (your sibling) is incapable to be an executor to her will which made her choose the appropriate person in her view. Especially if she had only 2 children, you and your brother.
I don't completely understand the executor's issues you all discussed. But your mother might worry about her son; at the same time, she knew he's unqualified to be an executor. So, I may suggest you to consider achieving her well. At least you would achieve the last wish to her.
Moreover, if I didn't misunderstand your thread, you stated that your mother didn't leave anything for you, so you will not inherit anything from her; at the same time she made you her will's executor. Which means executor for a will that you will not get anything from it!! it sounds weird & inappropriate! (I'm talking according to your culture or laws)
In addition, I also noticed that some posters stated that being an executor you have right to get a dime for every service you would do. From this point, I would say:
I really dought that your mother who wrote this will didn't know about that. she might see that you are not in need her legacy as much as she worried about your brother's future who doesn't have anything, at the same time, she might know that you will get money instead of the service you will present as being an executor, and she wanted that, it's not like she wanted to punish you with her son like what you understood or thought. Her son seems not know about that will at all until her death. (Again: I'm talking according to your culture, not according to mine)
When I write this, it doesn't mean I agree her. it's NOT like that. I just want to say_according to your culture_ she might think in that way that you've never thought of it.
I would have been happy to continue a cordial relationship with both my mother and my brother. But, once I said no to their requests for money that was impossible. Hourly phone calls for weeks on end and at all hours. And they weren’t pleasant to say the least. Screaming, name calling, threats against me and my family. I wasn’t the angry one. They were enraged that I wouldn’t turn over my inheritance from my dad to them. Maybe you would put up with that sort of treatment, but I would not.
My brother was deemed to be a perfectly capable executor until this rift. Then she changed her will to disinherit me and removed him as an executor and gave that job solely to me. It was simply a way to punish me for my refusal to give them money. My brother knew all about this change. His letter made that clear as he ordered me to get busy getting him his money. His opening line was “Here’s Mom’s will. Sucks to be you.” He thought I had no choice but to serve as executor. He was wrong.
I have no idea what you’re talking about when you say according to my culture. My culture is American. My mothers is American. Same with my dad. My family has been in this country for centuries so it’s not like there some sort of old country tradition at play here. What is at play is a vindictive mother and a greedy brother who will no longer be able to command any of my time or impact my life in any way.
My brother knew all about this change. His letter made that clear as he ordered me to get busy getting him his money. His opening line was “Here’s Mom’s will. Sucks to be you.” He thought I had no choice but to serve as executor. He was wrong
My first thought was, "What a peach she has for a brother", but then I corrected that to "Nah, he's the pits". If I were to fault you at all, it would have been for not disconnecting your phone after about the third ill-timed harassing call. Good riddance to this parasitic fool, and Happy Trails to you, they are well-deserved.
Can you imagine what a world this would be if you could unwillingly be "drafted" to the position of Executor? I am my Aunt's Executor, and know it's a pain in the neck position, especially since I've got cousins who will no doubt be circling above the nursing home before the body's cold. My first decision will be to consult with an attorney who will advise me as to my rights and responsibilities, mostly to stifle the inevitable wailing of the Peanut Gallery who feel they've been mistreated in some way, even though the will is pretty clear as to who gets what, and will likely be below the probate threshold in my state. I plan to act ethically and faithfully in these duties, but probably won't be able to resist cracking a smile when some of the more worthless relatives realize they're not in for as much as they thought they'd be. It would have been OK with me if her entire estate had been consumed by her care, but she just entered hospice, so it doesn't look like that will happen. Anyhoo, hope you have a more peaceful future.
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