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Old 04-30-2019, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Western MA
1,574 posts, read 1,010,887 times
Reputation: 4068

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
This is true. My friend said that about her mother-in-law. The MIL loved my friend's daughter, and when they came over for an extended family event, the MIL would see her darling granddaughter coming and sort of push the other kids out of the way. She felt so bad for the other kids.

Sometimes grandparents also favor the children of a favored child. I remember my grandfather as a mean, nasty old man, always yelling at us and telling us to just be quiet. He didn't much care for my mother, who was his oldest and just a girl and therefore of no value. The sun rose and set in my uncle, his first son, and my cousins have these wonderful memories of a grandfather who brought them gifts and played with them and took them to baseball games. He died when I was 13 and I remember feeling a little guilty because I didn't feel bad. Meanwhile, my cousins were tearful and boohooing at the funeral parlor, and my sibs and I were like, "Give it up already. He was a jerk."
This was how it was in my home too. Grandmother loved my cousins (all boys) and constantly compared us to them, "why can't you be like ..." She spewed all kinds of poison to us. Told me repeatedly that I was nothing and would never amount to anything. Oh, yeah. She also lived with us. I do not have fond memories.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
560 posts, read 132,216 times
Reputation: 1666
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanseej View Post
I'm at an age where my peers all have grandchildren. One has a great grand.
I have no grandchildren. Never wanted any and will never have any. I was not close with my own grandparents. I'm not patient with children, and have no interest in them.

These women are very invested in their GC. All conversations will quickly become about who had babies or is starting school or other activities. They try to show me pictures. And of course social media posts are filled with this fascination. Many of these women do other things. But they fit it in around the GC.

What is the big deal about your son's or daughter's children?
Because I love my sons and daughters and I love their children. Does it have to be more complicated than that?

You don't like kids and that's fine. Just because it's not your thing doesn't make it weird. Some people like gold. Some people like kids.
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Old 04-30-2019, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
55,308 posts, read 53,974,614 times
Reputation: 65263
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcahacker View Post
Because I love my sons and daughters and I love their children. Does it have to be more complicated than that?

You don't like kids and that's fine. Just because it's not your thing doesn't make it weird. Some people like gold. Some people like kids.
I think there's no better answer than that.

I don't have grandchildren and never will (only kid will not be having any), but what you said makes sense to me.

Enjoy your family.
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Old 04-30-2019, 06:32 PM
 
3,071 posts, read 776,647 times
Reputation: 3543
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanseej View Post
I'm at an age where my peers all have grandchildren. One has a great grand.
I have no grandchildren. Never wanted any and will never have any. I was not close with my own grandparents. I'm not patient with children, and have no interest in them.

These women are very invested in their GC. All conversations will quickly become about who had babies or is starting school or other activities. They try to show me pictures. And of course social media posts are filled with this fascination. Many of these women do other things. But they fit it in around the GC.

What is the big deal about your son's or daughter's children?
You get to see only the highs and not the lows of parenting as you did with your own children. Grandparents are seen in as angelic a way by their grandchildren as the grandchildren are beheld by their grandparents. Every visit is a special occasion. Kids can "pull themselves together" for a trip to Grandma's. They let loose when they're with their parents.
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Old 04-30-2019, 07:23 PM
 
Location: Missouri
340 posts, read 156,825 times
Reputation: 927
To me, it boils down to whether I know the grandchildren in question. When I was younger, I knew my friends' kids. I went to their plays and concerts, I enjoyed interacting with them, and I was interested in hearing about their doings even after they left the nest and moved away. But that's because I actually knew them.

Hearing about grandchildren or nieces and nephews that I've never met is like hearing anecdotes about random strangers. I understand the fascination on the part of the grandparents, but it puzzles me that people I don't know well think I'd be interested in hearing about their grandkids that live across the country.
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Old 05-01-2019, 12:12 PM
 
768 posts, read 197,184 times
Reputation: 1268
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatHerder View Post
To me, it boils down to whether I know the grandchildren in question. When I was younger, I knew my friends' kids. I went to their plays and concerts, I enjoyed interacting with them, and I was interested in hearing about their doings even after they left the nest and moved away. But that's because I actually knew them.

Hearing about grandchildren or nieces and nephews that I've never met is like hearing anecdotes about random strangers. I understand the fascination on the part of the grandparents, but it puzzles me that people I don't know well think I'd be interested in hearing about their grandkids that live across the country.

I agree with this. I actually like kids and personally engage with the children of various ages in our neighborhood; they are generally more interesting as they are not boastful. Listening to adults talk about mundane adventures in grandparenting not so much. To be fair, with people posting about dogs, restaurant meals, little league activities etc. the mundane has reached the level of extraordinary in some people's minds.

Last edited by Maddie104; 05-01-2019 at 12:53 PM..
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Old 05-06-2019, 08:06 AM
 
3,041 posts, read 1,689,437 times
Reputation: 3429
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcahacker View Post
Because I love my sons and daughters and I love their children. Does it have to be more complicated than that?

You don't like kids and that's fine. Just because it's not your thing doesn't make it weird. Some people like gold. Some people like kids.
This!
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Old 05-06-2019, 08:54 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
20,749 posts, read 11,510,404 times
Reputation: 31291
Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover View Post
I'm Gay, so no children and no grandkids! What will I be missing?


you do know that gay people have kids all the time, right? Not all of them, of course, and not a lot of unplanned pregnancies, although I know a fair number of people who were in hetero relationships where they had kids, and then they came out later in life.

Not wanting kids is not wanting kids, whether you are gay or straight.
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Old 05-06-2019, 10:07 AM
 
3,810 posts, read 2,689,217 times
Reputation: 7003
Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
I don't care at all that they are passionately interested in their grandchildren. Good for them. I just wonder why they don't realize that all their friends are not as passionate about, perhaps not even mildly interested in, someone else's grandchildren.

I'm sure other grandparents get it. Not being one, when Grandma posts 12 photos with captions like "Seriously, these are the cutest kids on the the planet!" or "I'm the luckiest MiMi EVER!" (to use actual quotes from a FB "friend"), I feel a little embarrassed for her. Especially when the kids aren't even that cute.
That's an interesting reaction. Why would you feel embarrassed for her? Why not just scroll on down to the next post? Surely your FB is as loaded as mine with photos and ads and articles that you aren't interested in.

I know you said you're not a grandma yet, but we are allowed to say we're lucky (or blessed) because we truly feel that way. And we can say they are cute because they're not ours, we see them with different eyes, you're right, they may not be cute to you, this is coming from a place in the grandparent's heart.

I sure don't look at all my FB friends' photos of anything, but I do enjoy seeing photos of grandchildren growing up to look just like their parents/grandparents looked back then.
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Old 05-06-2019, 04:28 PM
 
5,199 posts, read 5,772,610 times
Reputation: 5725
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grlzrl View Post
I don't see this as any different from going on and on about your own kids, which I find most parents do. In many cases, it's just a way of bragging. But not always. Sometimes it's just what you are dealing with in your life. But I find I can't be friends with many people who talk about their kids 100% of the time.
Bingo. I couldnít be friends with someone who basically ever talked about kids. I donít have or want kids ever and I find those conversations unbelievably boring and mundane. I think a lot of old people have nothing going on, nothing to be excited about, so they just focus on grandkids probably because they were boring parents too and itís a whole life of mediocrity lol.
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