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Old 04-28-2019, 01:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABQ2015 View Post
I'm surprised how many grandparents seem to love and spend time with their grandchildren more than their adult children. And some want to leave their money to the grandkids, not their children. If they have problems with their adult children, do they think the grandchildren are going to be any different once they grow up? It is almost as if they just love babies and young children, sort of like preferring a kitten or puppy over an adult pet. Or maybe parenting was the highlight of their life and this is their second chance.
I agree. For some it is a "do over" And, some of us are aspiring to be the grandmother that we had....mine is hard to live up to. I cherished her. Inevitably, I think grandparents want to be loved.

Last edited by JanND; 04-28-2019 at 02:19 PM..
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Old 04-28-2019, 01:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
I can't speak for the OP, but it's not that I "don't like the idea of grandkids." I know that if I had some, I would love them. What you said makes sense. What I don't understand is the obsession many people (mostly women) have with their grandkids, it's like they can't think or talk about anything else.
I just realized that my family is weird - lots of grandkids in the family, but no one really just goes on and on about them

I do know one lady that just goes about the one grandkid she looks after during the week. She complains about not having time to do anything due to the kid, but it is more of a "look" at me - i'm a grandma kind of way.
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Old 04-28-2019, 02:19 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post

I do know one lady that just goes about the one grandkid she looks after during the week. She complains about not having time to do anything due to the kid, but it is more of a "look" at me - i'm a grandma kind of way.
Sounds like a lot of parents I know.
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Old 04-28-2019, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Texas or Cascais, Portugal
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What I find more disturbing is the number of friends and relatives I know who are”waiting to see where the kids settle” to decide on their retirement location, so that they will be close to the grandchildren. I can only imagine my parents waiting to see where my family would land so that they could move nearby! What pressure to put on your children. What if they have a career offer to move again, do you pick up and follow? It’s nice when families are close but, should your children and grandchildren be your number one priority in retirement? Live YOUR lives and allow your kids to do the same.
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Old 04-28-2019, 02:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nurider2002 View Post
What I find more disturbing is the number of friends and relatives I know who are”waiting to see where the kids settle” to decide on their retirement location, so that they will be close to the grandchildren. I can only imagine my parents waiting to see where my family would land so that they could move nearby! What pressure to put on your children. What if they have a career offer to move again, do you pick up and follow? It’s nice when families are close but, should your children and grandchildren be your number one priority in retirement? Live YOUR lives and allow your kids to do the same.

Our son and wife hoped we’d move closer to them and so we did. We love this new state and lifestyle and guess what we can live our lives AND be grandparents. Ya know you can do both What if they move? We told our son if a job offer comes up and he likes it he should go for it. Would we move again,who knows! We are immigrants from two countries, and have lived in 5 states in the 42 years we e been here so picking up sticks is not a big deal. Our lives in America continues to be one long adventure . As it stands now our retirement years have been been amazing for us as a couple, and as parents/grandparents, and for our health.
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Old 04-28-2019, 04:48 PM
 
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Just remembered another strange grandma incident

The one in question posted on Facebook that she was very upset, distraught, her life was basically worth nothing - all because she would not be able to spend HER birthday with her only grandchild.

I thought - Lady - how do you think this makes your husband and other kids feel? I think the grand-kid was spending the weekend with his bio dad.
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Old 04-28-2019, 04:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanseej View Post
I'm at an age where my peers all have grandchildren. One has a great grand.
I have no grandchildren. Never wanted any and will never have any. I was not close with my own grandparents. I'm not patient with children, and have no interest in them.

These women are very invested in their GC. All conversations will quickly become about who had babies or is starting school or other activities. They try to show me pictures. And of course social media posts are filled with this fascination. Many of these women do other things. But they fit it in around the GC.

What is the big deal about your son's or daughter's children?
Basic family values - as through all of history.

How can that be something one would question??

In the end we all come and go...and it's certainly best for you to not have them if you feel as you described. But our species has survived and thrived due to LOVE....family values and stuff.

For those of us with children - who feel we did a decent job raising them, the GC are just another indication that we might be leaving the world as a better place.

I (male) never specifically wished for or looked forward to grandchildren. I never told our 3 children to "give us some". But they, along with your children and parents, are your immediate family.

What I might be more interested in is what you consider "normal" in this sense? That is, what should elders be interested in? Is there something we (I) am missing? I've looked hard and I don't see it!!
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Old 04-28-2019, 05:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nurider2002 View Post
What I find more disturbing is the number of friends and relatives I know who are”waiting to see where the kids settle” to decide on their retirement location, so that they will be close to the grandchildren. I can only imagine my parents waiting to see where my family would land so that they could move nearby! What pressure to put on your children. What if they have a career offer to move again, do you pick up and follow? It’s nice when families are close but, should your children and grandchildren be your number one priority in retirement? Live YOUR lives and allow your kids to do the same.
You do realize that for most of human history - including the present for most of the world - this was never even a question??

Maybe there is some relationship between the general unhappiness of Americans (yes, it exists), the high stress levels, the lowering life spans and drug abuse...and the breaking up of our "roots" to chase a promotion in a corporate job???

You are correct that Americans are quite mobile...but whether it is for better or for worse is debatable...or, at least, different for each individual.

In any extended family there are people who are sick - people who are old, young, disabled and otherwise need support. Those are the benefits of living relatively nearby.

My middle daughter lives on the other side of the country. She just had our 3rd GC. Before she had him we had a discussion and I plainly told her that I am getting older and will not be able to meet her expectations of being a Grandparent (she flies around without even thinking about it, I'd not ready to do so each month or two)....

So be it. At least we understand each other. But I think if we all could have our wishes, we'd be closer...even a one hour flight or 4 hour drive or train ride would be OK.

Many people with responsibilities just can't afford to 100% "live their lives". What if their child has downs syndrome? What if a family member was in a horrible accident and is disabled?

There are all real world things. If you are able to live the life congrats to you....but if you read about these board and/or talk to people who have extended families, you will see that a lot of people feel responsibilities towards others...that this is part and parcel of life.
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Old 04-28-2019, 06:03 PM
 
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Now i am sad. I only had grandfathers. My paternal grandmother died before my dad even married my mom. My maternal grandmother died when i was three - but it is amazing that i still remember her. Everyone says she was a living saint.

But there are things about my grandfathers that i admire and can see some of their traits in me. One lived in a large home with very little furnishings. He was a minimalist before it was cool -lol. Always dressed in pressed khaki pants and starched white shirts. I am into "uniform" dressing

The other one lived in a small trailer and was a fantastic gardener. He even did topiary. I want to live in a small home and garden.
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Old 04-28-2019, 06:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Now i am sad. I only had grandfathers. My paternal grandmother died before my dad even married my mom. My maternal grandmother died when i was three - but it is amazing that i still remember her. Everyone says she was a living saint.

But there are things about my grandfathers that i admire and can see some of their traits in me. One lived in a large home with very little furnishings. He was a minimalist before it was cool -lol. Always dressed in pressed khaki pants and starched white shirts. I am into "uniform" dressing

The other one lived in a small trailer and was a fantastic gardener. He even did topiary. I want to live in a small home and garden.
You should try doing ancestry.com DNA tests and then a bit of further probing.

You will likely find out a lot about yourself and your line - probably good things mostly! It is truly amazing how many traits pass down within our DNA or RDNA or somehow else (all of this is not yet perfected, but we know that many many things are burnt into our genes).

My wife has gone nuts into Ancestry.com. There is no end to it....but it's a good obsession.

On my own side, I can give this little anecdote. My fathers family was mostly murdered in the Holocaust - so we knew absolutely nothing other than his father who was sent over here beforehand at 16 (alone).

Now, through DNA and other relatives, we have found some records of "back there". Some of them are even books or diaries detailing each and every personality in the little town! Priceless. Well, it turns out that my Great Grandfather was known especially for his charity. The few mentions of him say this outright...

Now - here I am. I was the kid at camp that, when I received a package of goodies from home, opened them up and shared them with the entire bunk of kids. In fact, I did so to such a degree that I was actually chastised sometimes by the counselors as American society generally considers that a bit of "greed is good".

I also was the guy who paid my employees much more than the going rate, etc.

Even my Dad, who is still alive, is known for giving free advice, support, loans and other such things to people.

Fantastic....to know that it came from somewhere. The fact that we had no idea it was burnt in is even more interesting.

Many such traits - the "teaching" gene, the "music" gene, the "leave me alone in nature" gene....these things you are likely to discover if you journey backwards.

I hope you can take this trip!
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