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Old 04-29-2019, 04:52 AM
 
Location: Tucson/Nogales
17,372 posts, read 21,218,356 times
Reputation: 24208

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When my sister started having grandkids, me and my brother completely vanished from her radar screen, maybe even her husband and 4 children. They're like little gods to her.

I'm Gay, so no children and no grandkids! What will I be missing?
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:16 AM
 
12,104 posts, read 6,682,852 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
Even when I was young and me and my friends had kids, I hated sitting around with the women who only ever talked about parenting. I used to find excuses to go hang out with the men who were talking about interesting things.

I also don't enjoy facebook and don't follow friends who constantly post pics of their kids and grandkids. The idea of a "friend" just seems to be changing to where the definition is really "fan." Someone posts pics of themselves and their "fans" are supposed to applaud. Instead of a true friend who would actually call you and ask you about yourself.

So, yeah, I don't care about stories about diapers or spit-up, and I want to be asked how I am, not be expected to ooh and aww constantly.
Exactly. It makes me cringe to think of having to do that. It isn't being friends.

The thing about grandparents uber- fanning their grand kids is that the grandkids seldom feel the same way. The kids visit because they are going to get gifts otherwise they would rather be on their phones or something.
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:26 AM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,431,507 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
The thing about grandparents uber- fanning their grand kids is that the grandkids seldom feel the same way. The kids visit because they are going to get gifts otherwise they would rather be on their phones or something.
OK sure. Based on what?
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:27 AM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,431,507 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
Even when I was young and me and my friends had kids, I hated sitting around with the women who only ever talked about parenting. I used to find excuses to go hang out with the men who were talking about interesting things.

I also don't enjoy facebook and don't follow friends who constantly post pics of their kids and grandkids. The idea of a "friend" just seems to be changing to where the definition is really "fan." Someone posts pics of themselves and their "fans" are supposed to applaud. Instead of a true friend who would actually call you and ask you about yourself.

So, yeah, I don't care about stories about diapers or spit-up, and I want to be asked how I am, not be expected to ooh and aww constantly.
Hey at least it's better than pretending to care about someone's dog...plastered all over their social media as if anyone really cares.
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:35 AM
 
12,104 posts, read 6,682,852 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elhelmete View Post
OK sure. Based on what?
Think kids spend all their time bragging about their grandparents?
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:42 AM
 
2,072 posts, read 703,003 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
I also don't enjoy Facebook and don't follow friends who constantly post pics of their kids and grandkids. The idea of a "friend" just seems to be changing to where the definition is really "fan." Someone posts pics of themselves and their "fans" are supposed to applaud.
What I don't get are the ones who use a picture of the grandkid as their FB profile picture- not them with the kid, just the kid. I'm 66 and prefer to spend my $$ on plane tickets rather than plastic surgery so yes, I understand that you don't look like you did in our HS yearbook photos, but neither do I. Let us see the real you, not a grandchild or your doggie!

I do post pictures of the granddaughters, but that's maybe 5% of what I post. Will step it up a bit next week as my granddaughter and I go to Chicago for a couple of nights; DDIL and her parents are on FB so I know they'll enjoy following us, and DDIL will share everything with DS and with the 2-year old little sister.
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Old 04-29-2019, 07:48 AM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,431,507 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Think kids spend all their time bragging about their grandparents?
What does what I think matter? Why would grandkids need to "brag?"

I asked about your assertion that grands only care about getting gifts from grandparents, or else they'd be on their phones.
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Old 04-29-2019, 08:26 AM
 
6,533 posts, read 2,358,678 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
I love my ten grandchildren! They're not things, they are growing little people! As such, each one is unique. With each one, my heart truly exploded with more love than I could imagine, and I'm not trying to be weird or corny here, it really is the truth. Three of ours were even adopted out of foster care and have special needs, one requiring psychiatric hospitalization at times, doesn't matter, I love them all. It's real.

I don't talk about them all the time, I work and have plenty of my own things to deal with, but any time with them is precious. I also don't spoil or buy much for any of them, their parents do plenty of that.

I really loved the two grandparents that I got to spend the most time with. I'm not sure I can measure up, I have such loving memories of them both.

OP, I have a cousin who never had children. When she came to visit years ago, I could tell she wasn't the least bit interested in what my kids were doing. She was interested in her dogs and going places to drink wine, and I don't get any of that. It's just different.

This is how I feel. And I don't even HAVE bio grandchildren. All of my grandkids are step grandkids...but they ARE MY GRANDKIDS. 2 of them, I was at the hospital when they were born. 2 of them, I've known them since they were 2 and 4 yrs. old. And 2 of them, they're actually my stepson's cousins, who are in the process of being adopted by my stepson...and my heart expanded twice more.


Would it be different if I had bio grandkids? I think there probably WOULD be an added component. I think maybe seeing the genetic similarities to your own kids is an element. You know..."When little Jennie smiles, she looks just like her daddy did at that age." Stuff like that maybe.


But...I'm a pretty maternal kind of person. I've always had a soft spot for children.
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Old 04-29-2019, 08:46 AM
 
9,752 posts, read 6,721,123 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanseej View Post
I'm at an age where my peers all have grandchildren. One has a great grand.
I have no grandchildren. Never wanted any and will never have any. I was not close with my own grandparents. I'm not patient with children, and have no interest in them.

These women are very invested in their GC. All conversations will quickly become about who had babies or is starting school or other activities. They try to show me pictures. And of course social media posts are filled with this fascination. Many of these women do other things. But they fit it in around the GC.

What is the big deal about your son's or daughter's children?
Since you don't have grandchildren you rationalize your position by saying you don't like children.

Quote:
In psychology and logic, rationalization or rationalization (also known as making excuses) is a defense mechanism in which controversial behaviors or feelings are justified and explained in a seemingly rational or logical manner to avoid the true explanation, and are made consciously tolerableóor even admirable and superioróby plausible means. It is also an informal fallacy of reasoning.
WIKI
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Old 04-29-2019, 08:49 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,004 posts, read 54,508,374 times
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Sometimes I just change the subject, but obsessed grandparents can be amusing. A friend with grandchildren is proud of them, but she goes overboard. One grandson plays baseball. She attends every game, which is great, but then I have to hear a blow-by-blow of some high school baseball game. Of course, as she says, her grandson "really carries the whole team".

Then the other grandson loves to perform and was in the school musical. Of course, "his voice is so much better and stronger than most of the other kids. You can hear him more clearly singing in the chorus than any other kid."

I just smile and have another glass of wine. I've met these kids, and they are nice kids.

The one I had difficulty with, though, was the oldest grandson. She has always gone on and on about him. He was born to her daughter when she was quite young, and she helped her daughter raise him. He excelled at everything, apparently, school, sports, yada yada yada. Then he went into the military and did a couple of tours in Afghanistan and was promoted to sergeant, and now he is out and married and has two wonderful kids and a great job.

After years of hearing about this guy, I finally met him when he came from out of state to visit. He is a complete and total jackass, rude to his parents, his grandmother, and ME, whom he had just met. Self-important moron.

Love covers a lot of defects.
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