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Old 05-03-2019, 08:08 AM
 
2,447 posts, read 3,198,084 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
In Oregon, DHS pays a generous stipend for every foster child. Currently I think it's about $1700/month. Some people farm children, taking in foster children and then spending the absolute minimum on their care while they pocket the difference. Unfortunately, there is a shortage of foster homes, so DHS has to take what they can get.
But it isn't true.

https://www.oregon.gov/DHS/CHILDREN/...ges/rates.aspx

There are cases where people do this, but the majority of foster parents aren't in it for the money, because it is far from generous.
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:15 AM
 
9,868 posts, read 7,652,566 times
Reputation: 22123
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
People develop some weird routines surrounding food.

My ex-inlaws, now deceased would pour the breakfast orange juice out into their little juice glasses the night before. Every single night. I had no idea why.

That sums it all up. I think it is odd that people claim they “cannot function” without drinking coffee every morning, no matter where they are, yet that is considered normal and typical in the USA.
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:33 AM
 
801 posts, read 612,333 times
Reputation: 2537
I cannot stand these kinds of people. They're like this with food, period, whether it's theirs or someone else's. They're the ones portioning a half-pound of ground beef, an 8-pack of hot dogs, 5 cups of flavorless potato salad, and a quarter of a watermelon to feed 10 adults.

Guess what? If you make 2 or 3 times as much as you NEED, people tend to eat that same portion anyway... but they don't feel badly about eating it or how big their serving is, to save some for others. And then, the host gets to have leftovers for their family... for the trouble of hosting.

But not if you invite those people. THOSE people ask you where the foil is, to cover a paper plate or several that they've mounded with $2 in potato salad and other people's leftovers *from their plates.* Or if they brought the hot dogs and there is even one left, will wrap that solitary dog to bring home, no matter what their income level. I usually sending them home with all the leftovers and more besides, then never invite them to anything again.
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Redwood City, CA
15,246 posts, read 12,891,901 times
Reputation: 54028
Quote:
Originally Posted by pikabike View Post
That sums it all up. I think it is odd that people claim they “cannot function” without drinking coffee every morning, no matter where they are, yet that is considered normal and typical in the USA.
Of course they can function without coffee. They just don't want to.

Morning coffee is a comforting ritual. Like every ritual, it probably looks weird to people who don't practice it.
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:41 AM
 
9,868 posts, read 7,652,566 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Of course they can function without coffee. They just don't want to.

Morning coffee is a comforting ritual. Like every ritual, it probably looks weird to people who don't practice it.

Exactly. Portioning out food looks weird to those who don’t do it, and vice versa.
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Old 05-03-2019, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
13,661 posts, read 12,344,355 times
Reputation: 20109
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
Hmmm. My parents who certainly lived through hard times and WWII offered up bountiful meals to guests, even though they tended to cook the cheaper cuts of meat. When I, a Boomer, cook for guests, there is plenty of food. I can’t imagine rationing it.

Personally, I think portioning food for guests is a form of hoarding, or controlling. It is a symptom of how the rationer thinks, more than anything. I’d want to know if such a person rations affection, positive comments, or hugs. Perhaps there is fear about the future. Or perhaps being generous causes anxiety.

I am going to be frank. I would not enjoy being in this type of person’s home, and would avoid it whenever possible.
From my experience, which is limited enough to be anecdotal, its a function of whether or not people were taught thriftiness as a value, or learned it through necessity. Some of my in-laws come from more means (generationally) than my family did. My family mostly immigrated to avoid Fun and Games with Czars or Kings during the 20th century or were farmers in the South. Wife's family is WASP's that trace back to Moses; not incredibly wealthy but all of them have been educated, Upper Middle or Upper class for at least 200 years judging from what I can tell.

Many of my wife's family are thrifty since it was taught and ingrained in them. Its a different type of thrift than that born of folks that have come out of hard times (Depression Era, Immigrant Experience, etc...) Namely, its a mentality that makes thrift its own virtue and reward where any largess is undesirable, as opposed to an intentional direction of resources so as to enable minor largess's in other areas.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayekaye View Post
Yes. I had a friend who did the rationing. She had three kids and they were bone thin all of them. She and her husband weren’t thin at all. She had rituals and everything measured to the last iota. I watched her kids one day from dawn to dusk, feeding them all three meals which she had meticulously organized. 1 banana cut into 3, 1 Oz of oj, 1/2 tiny bowl of cereal, 1 Oz of skim milk, 1/4 piece of toast. When I poured a bit too much milk on the cereal the kids were frozen in fear, sure that they shouldn't eat it and wouldn’t until I lied and told them she said it was ok for today. What was I going to do, pour it back off the cereal? The delight in their face was almost concerning. A lot of stories with that family...
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post
I'd call CPS.
^^I think there was a Law & Order SVU episode about a mother like that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcahacker View Post
So if someone invites you to stay with them and they offer you no breakfast of any sort it wouldn't even blip as odd? You wouldn't even wonder if or when it's going to be offered? Yes, I agree I would learn from experience and I certainly wouldn't demand any sort of explanation but I don't buy that you wouldn't even give it a thought or wonder why. That's all OP is doing. He's not asking if it's right or wrong even just if anyone else had the same experience.
Good Point. I'm a coffee-and-banana breakfast person but I'll at least ask/offer my guest cereal, toast, eggs...
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Old 05-03-2019, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,298 posts, read 84,311,090 times
Reputation: 114648
Quote:
Originally Posted by pikabike View Post
That sums it all up. I think it is odd that people claim they “cannot function” without drinking coffee every morning, no matter where they are, yet that is considered normal and typical in the USA.
Well, that's because coffee contains an addictive substance. That's different than just an odd routine. When your brain is used to being fired up by a chemical, it's not going to work the same without it unless some time has passed and withdrawal is over. "Can't function" is a bit of an exaggeration, but as for myself, I am pretty cranky until that caffeine hits my bloodstream and brain.
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Old 05-03-2019, 09:09 AM
 
801 posts, read 612,333 times
Reputation: 2537
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post

Potlucks help resolve this problem. I've always wondered what hosting etiquette is I've had so many bizarre encounters lately I have no clue anymore.
We've tried potlucks. We've done cookie exchanges around the holidays. Younger people (I'm 35) have NO idea what they're doing and frequently, it's because of their parents. Potlucks and cookie exchanges were going south 20-25 years ago too.

We'd have a potluck for 50 people, clearly communicated, and people generally showed up with enough of a side to have fed only their own family from the side. Who brings a dozen devilled eggs (SIX FREAKING EGGS) to a potluck for 50? Or a bag of chips? Or stops at the dollar tree and says they've contributed paper plates. Or a pound of blanched asparagus? Or $2 in hot dogs with no buns? Or comes to a cookie exchange with $10 in boxed mini-cookies from the grocery store, expecting to be welcomed to treats and drinks and leave with probably $200, if sold from shops, in specialty cookies and desserts that everyone else spent a good amount of money and DAYS of work to create?

Jerks, that's who.

We don't rely on anyone to bring anything anymore. If they do, it goes in the Potentially-good, Reciprocal Friends mental column. If they don't, we're not surprised and certainly stop making an effort towards them. Our friends tend to be either quite wealthy or rural, working-class people. Both appreciate reciprocity and SHOW friendship. They get along so well.
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Old 05-03-2019, 09:13 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,402,364 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wwaktsost View Post
Wow you really lack general knowledge if you are shocked by that.
You obviously didn't go to college.

Speaking of treating children badly, what about parents that participate in criminal activity?
When people find out that they are just the product of trash because they have creepy crooked parents what effect do you think that has on the child?
Total child abuse to commit a crime of any kind if you have children.
Because the children will have to live with the shame of everyone knowing that they come from trash and can't be trusted either.
The apple never falls far.
Crooked parent equals crooked kid.
The kid will have a stigma because of something it's parent did.
How can people put their own children in that kind of situation?
Her reaction is an odd thing to take someone to task for. It's a natural reaction. And she's right, of course. And btw, I've gone to college.
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Old 05-03-2019, 09:17 AM
 
12,053 posts, read 10,226,066 times
Reputation: 24782
Quote:
Originally Posted by LieslMet View Post
We've tried potlucks. We've done cookie exchanges around the holidays. Younger people (I'm 35) have NO idea what they're doing and frequently, it's because of their parents. Potlucks and cookie exchanges were going south 20-25 years ago too.

We'd have a potluck for 50 people, clearly communicated, and people generally showed up with enough of a side to have fed only their own family from the side. Who brings a dozen devilled eggs (SIX FREAKING EGGS) to a potluck for 50? Or a bag of chips? Or stops at the dollar tree and says they've contributed paper plates. Or a pound of blanched asparagus? Or $2 in hot dogs with no buns? Or comes to a cookie exchange with $10 in boxed mini-cookies from the grocery store, expecting to be welcomed to treats and drinks and leave with probably $200, if sold from shops, in specialty cookies and desserts that everyone else spent a good amount of money and DAYS of work to create?

Jerks, that's who.

We don't rely on anyone to bring anything anymore. If they do, it goes in the Potentially-good, Reciprocal Friends mental column. If they don't, we're not surprised and certainly stop making an effort towards them. Our friends tend to be either quite wealthy or rural, working-class people. Both appreciate reciprocity and SHOW friendship. They get along so well.
OMG - the cookie exchange

We tried that one year. Never again. Slice and bake cookies do not count people!
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