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Old 04-30-2019, 02:40 PM
 
1,101 posts, read 1,809,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
If I read something like "You deserve it!" regarding being given a new car, I would assume the 16 yr. old did something outstanding. Like get straight A's or some other outstanding achievement. But even if it wasn't something quite so stellar...apparently her family and friends thought she deserved it...so why not?
I couldn’t give a rip about what other people do with their money or for their kids. I was clarifying what I thought the OP was saying.

I will say that my experience with Facebook is that reality often doesn’t jibe with what’s posted. We had neighbors with a big house, expensive cars, elaborate home improvements etc, all documented on fb. Next year—short sale on their home. They’d taken out $200k in equity and spent it and were unable to refinance as their house had decreased in value.

We are living in a show off time. If it’s not posted on social media, it didn’t really happen.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Santa Monica, Ca
6,784 posts, read 3,766,204 times
Reputation: 15988
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
Buy her a used car then. Doesn't need a NEW honda, no matter how hard she works.
Lol... a car is a car, what’s the difference if it’s new or used? She’s still getting a car at 16.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Rochester, WA
5,389 posts, read 2,997,103 times
Reputation: 14734
Is there anything that is less our business than the "right" size for the car budget for the teenagers in someone else's family?
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:43 PM
 
1,101 posts, read 1,809,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana Holbrook View Post
Is there anything that is less our business than the size of the car budget for the teenagers in someone else's family?
Well, if you put it out there for public consumption, you get what you get.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
560 posts, read 135,135 times
Reputation: 1671
Quote:
Originally Posted by CamillaB View Post
I'm glad you brought this up because I really despise how people throw the word "deserve" around. There's nothing at all to it. If you're pretty, you "deserve" nice things. If you're ugly, you "deserve" abuse. If you're rich, you "deserve" the nice stuff you have. If you're poor, you "deserve" to suffer.

Fill in the blanks on reasoning because the reasons change with the weather.

Let's try this:

Pretty people deserve to be treated nicely because they are pretty and must be good, nice people at heart.

Fat people deserve to be shamed because they're all lazy and eat too much and hurting their feelings will help them change into whatever we want them to be.

Rich people deserve their money because they earned it through hard work and honesty and make super awesome life choices.

Poor people deserve all their problems because they are lazy and don't work hard enough and make poor choices.

Sexy people deserve to be given gifts/praise/money because they make our bits tingle and we can encourage more tingling with lots of gifts.

---------

I am of course on the fringe of society having been raised Christian and believing from a young age that everything we have including health and material items are a gift from God and we are only stewards, not owners of anything. We deserve nothing but death and punishment for sin (we are all sinful, can't deny that) and death is what we all get because it is the only thing truly deserved. Of course Jesus allows us to be redeemed but not through anything we do but something He is and did. The idea being that HE deserves everything good we have to give, not us.

I really think if people in general would stop acting and believing that they really deserve things they would be happier and all this insane competition would wane. There's so much rage out there because people feel slighted, they feel cheated and envious because everything thinks they deserve the best of everything. It just can't be true, but people don't have a good idea of their true self. I think they delude themselves into thinking "I'm a good person" and then filling in whatever their idea of "good" is.

Does a good person deserve more than a "bad" person? Do they not BOTH die and give up everything they thought they "deserved", anyway?

Anytime people boast about something I just think, well you're still gonna die so there's that. You WILL give up *everything* you have. One day, all the stuff you "deserved" will be picked through and used by other people who feel they deserve your stuff. And you can't stop it, it's definitely going to happen.
So along that line the little boy that got thrown off the third floor of Mall of America is recovering nicely because of "the power of prayer" while the little boy missing in Illinois was found dead. Do we presume it's because his prayers weren't good enough? I'm not going to argue religion my point is ONLY that people can't be so fixated on one choice of a word.

It wasn't even the teen that said she deserved it and everyone is jumping on a band wagon to say she's entitled. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. All we really know as fact is that OP does not feel she deserves it.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:48 PM
 
9,643 posts, read 4,900,051 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
Yes but she doesn't need a car to do that is my point. A 16 year old can focus on studies and extracurriculars without having a brand new honda.
And if mom and dad can't shuttle her around to all of those activities or just want a break from shuttling her around while giving her an opportunity to get good driving experience? You're applying YOUR life circumstances to everyone else.
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Old 04-30-2019, 02:49 PM
 
9,643 posts, read 4,900,051 times
Reputation: 33275
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181 View Post
Buy her a used car then. Doesn't need a NEW honda, no matter how hard she works.
Some parents prefer their child to drive a reliable car with a good safety record. My father would NEVER consider a used car. That's just how he was. Doesn't matter if it makes sense to you or not. If they want to buy new, that's their prerogative.
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Old 04-30-2019, 05:51 PM
 
3,122 posts, read 801,248 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatsgoingon4 View Post
I notice sometimes on Facebook or other media, I see people posting pictures of their new car, house etc. In the comments I invariably see "You deserve it!"

Recently I saw a post on Facebook where parents surprised their 16 year old daugher with a new Honda Accord. It was close to new if not. In comments I saw that same comment "You deserve it". And maybe, the daughter paid for part of it, maybe she worked for it, it's really not my business.

But I can tell you at 16 a new car was not even a thought. I got my first car, 10 years old at 21. I guess you could say my family bought it, I saved most of my birthday money for years, and my parents paid for a bit of it and I used that to pay it on cash. It was not fancy, but I was proud of it. When it was time to trade it in this year, I got a 2 year old used car but nicer this time. But this time I paid the down payment with my money and pay my own payments.

I don't think a 16 year old needs a new fancy car. I certainly never thought I did.

How do you feel about that, has anyone said that to you, were there cases where you think you did deserve it?

I guess at times I've felt like I've deserved something, like a nice day to myself after a week I thought was stressful, something like that.

I don't think I've ever felt like I deserved material things. Just because I have a job doesn't mean I deserve a house or a new car, I don't think. Although I've never posted about getting a car on Facebook. Do you think we post about these things to feel approval, or importance. Usually when I see these posts they are popular people and get lots of likes and happy comments from them. If I were to do so, I wouldn't get many, because I'm not popular. But that doesn't mean I should feel any less happy for myself, because nobody else noticed, or I didn't get their approval.

Do you think social media can bring a seeking of approval, of being noticed?
Work-reward relationship is either built or corrupted in one's formative years. And you can never go back and do it over. What looks like confirmation bias to me, might look like outright narcissism to another, which might look like normal type A behavior to person C.

Some people feel the urge "to remind everyone how they're doing".
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Old 04-30-2019, 07:00 PM
 
9,403 posts, read 13,345,874 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire View Post
Some parents prefer their child to drive a reliable car with a good safety record. My father would NEVER consider a used car. That's just how he was. Doesn't matter if it makes sense to you or not. If they want to buy new, that's their prerogative.
Not all used cars are unsafe

Not all new cars are safe

Sure it’s their prerogative but my stepson sure as heck isnt getting a brand new car (neither me nor my husband have ever had new cars ... we’re still alive )
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Old 04-30-2019, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,597 posts, read 1,303,609 times
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I’m not going to get into the deserve or not deserve argument, but we gave our son a car at 16. It was a huge help to us for him to have his own car. He was in so many activities and we were equally busy.

We also paid for his college. He was an excellent student. It is a parent’s prerogative to do what they want and can do for their children to help them get started in life. How you “parent” determines how they end up, not what you give them. At 36, he has a great job, he is a husband, a father, and owns two homes (and two cars that he bought new.)
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