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Old 05-01-2019, 09:01 AM
 
202 posts, read 82,011 times
Reputation: 105

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I feel horrible for even thinking this way, since I have more important things to worry about.

But Sunday, my Grandma passed away (her and I were super close and I am devastated), and I posted about it and then posted her funeral arrangements yesterday. A few of my friends 'liked' it, as well as one of my boyfriend's good friends and his family being told by my boyfriend about her passing (we have been together for 3 years and am very close with all of them). Out of his family, his parents and one brother reached out. The other two brothers ignored the text.

One of my BF's good friends (who I have taken many times up to my family's mountain condo) was told by my boyfriend that we are coming home next weekend because my Grandmother passed away and we are going to her funeral and he just said, 'oh sweet, I get to see you then' but then doesn't say anything to me. Even my boyfriend was like 'wtf that's just rude'

I'm not at all looking for 'omg I am soooooo sorry', but maybe just checking up to see how I/my family is doing maybe? Just hurts when these are the same people that come to me when they have issues and I rarely go to them for anything, but the second something happens to me it feels like they turn their backs towards me.

One friend, who 'liked' it on Facebook (who claims that i'm her best friend/someone I'd consider having in my bridal party whenever I get married, didn't text me but instead (about 5 minutes after 'liking' it) texts me about how she got sized the wrong bra size and how frustrating it is... Like I'm sorry, but really?? Maybe read the room? Now I feel terrible, but I feel like reconsidering the friendship since she just seems so selfish.

(We are all 25+)
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Old 05-01-2019, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,164 posts, read 41,773,101 times
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I'm sorry to hear about your grandma.

Did you get to go see her before she passed?
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Old 05-01-2019, 09:17 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,530,548 times
Reputation: 37896
Quote:
Originally Posted by lm0905 View Post
But Sunday, my Grandma passed away (her and I were super close and I am devastated), and I posted about it and then posted her funeral arrangements yesterday. A few of my friends 'liked' it, as well as one of my boyfriend's good friends and his family being told by my boyfriend about her passing (we have been together for 3 years and am very close with all of them). Out of his family, his parents and one brother reached out. The other two brothers ignored the text.
Wait, so did you text everyone individually, or just make a post on FB hoping the algorithm allowed it to appear in everyone's feed and they would check social media?

I do think you are overreacting. When I lost a close family member I honestly did not have the emotional bandwidth to check up on how everyone responded to ME. I was more concerned about supporting and being supported by family who were equally devastated by the loss.

Dictating how other people handle grief (yours, theirs and others') is a losing proposition, OP.
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Old 05-01-2019, 09:19 AM
 
202 posts, read 82,011 times
Reputation: 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Wait, so did you text everyone individually, or just make a post on FB hoping the algorithm allowed it to appear in everyone's feed and they would check social media?

I do think you are overreacting. When I lost a close family member I honestly did not have the emotional bandwidth to check up on how everyone responded to ME. I was more concerned about supporting and being supported by family who were equally devastated by the loss.

Dictating how other people handle grief (yours, theirs and others') is a losing proposition, OP.

The people I am 'disappointed' in are the ones that have 'liked' the post on Facebook, but then continue to tell me about their problems. These are the same people that are CONSTANTLY needing advice and support from me, but don't offer anything back.

I'm obviously still devastated about the loss, but all of this stuff with my 'friends' really opens up my eyes on who I feel like is actually there for me in my time of need.
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Old 05-01-2019, 09:23 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,530,548 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lm0905 View Post
The people I am 'disappointed' in are the ones that have 'liked' the post on Facebook, but then continue to tell me about their problems. These are the same people that are CONSTANTLY needing advice and support from me, but don't offer anything back.

I'm obviously still devastated about the loss, but all of this stuff with my 'friends' really opens up my eyes on who I feel like is actually there for me in my time of need.
Well not everyone is close to their grandparents, and may not be as sensitive to your "time of need" as you wish they were. If you think this is worth blowing up friendships, that's on you.

What exactly do you "need" right now anyway? I hope it is to support your parent(s), aunt/uncle and other close relatives of your grandmother. It's not really about you, is it?
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Old 05-01-2019, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,897 posts, read 2,724,456 times
Reputation: 5078
Quote:
Originally Posted by lm0905 View Post
The people I am 'disappointed' in are the ones that have 'liked' the post on Facebook, but then continue to tell me about their problems. These are the same people that are CONSTANTLY needing advice and support from me, but don't offer anything back.

I'm obviously still devastated about the loss, but all of this stuff with my 'friends' really opens up my eyes on who I feel like is actually there for me in my time of need.
Mentally switch them from the friend to the acquaintance category. That way you can still enjoy their company if you want but expect less support and be less supportive in return. Invest less energy in the relationships.

There is an old adage that in times of need, you find out who your true friends really are. Sometimes support comes from unexpected places.
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Old 05-01-2019, 09:50 AM
 
202 posts, read 82,011 times
Reputation: 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdnirene View Post
Mentally switch them from the friend to the acquaintance category. That way you can still enjoy their company if you want but expect less support and be less supportive in return. Invest less energy in the relationships.

There is an old adage that in times of need, you find out who your true friends really are. Sometimes support comes from unexpected places.
I like that saying. I really feel like it applies here.
I just know that said friends are going to be wanting some advice soon (as they always do literally weekly) and I am not going to give it to them.

I think I need to phase them to the acquaintance category. You are right
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Old 05-01-2019, 09:51 AM
 
1,195 posts, read 799,367 times
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First I’m sorry for your loss op and just cherish the memories you have of your grandma��. I think when you are young and haven’t experienced a death of a close loved one, they are clueless in how to act or what to say and sometimes can be thoughtless. I’m not excusing their reactions or lack of the courtesy of acknowledging your feelings.
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Old 05-01-2019, 09:55 AM
 
1,195 posts, read 799,367 times
Reputation: 4293
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Well not everyone is close to their grandparents, and may not be as sensitive to your "time of need" as you wish they were. If you think this is worth blowing up friendships, that's on you.

What exactly do you "need" right now anyway? I hope it is to support your parent(s), aunt/uncle and other close relatives of your grandmother. It's not really about you, is it?
She is hurting and sad and understandable needed some support from her friends. Doesn’t mean she wasn’t there for her family
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Old 05-01-2019, 10:09 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,526 posts, read 70,455,727 times
Reputation: 76499
Quote:
Originally Posted by lm0905 View Post
The people I am 'disappointed' in are the ones that have 'liked' the post on Facebook, but then continue to tell me about their problems. These are the same people that are CONSTANTLY needing advice and support from me, but don't offer anything back.

I'm obviously still devastated about the loss, but all of this stuff with my 'friends' really opens up my eyes on who I feel like is actually there for me in my time of need.
Well, you could say something to them about it. Let them know you were disappointed with their lack of response, in view of how you're always there for them, when they need you, and always willing to offer support or advice. Too many people seem unaware, that life is a two-way street.
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