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Old 05-01-2019, 11:51 AM
 
6,137 posts, read 4,925,122 times
Reputation: 12357

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nonchalance View Post
You could always send them a bill for your services. A hundred bucks an hour seems fair.

Been there, done that, exhausted by it. Especially if it is not reciprocal. I had to stop being everyone's shoulder.
How do the professional counselors handle this!
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Old 05-01-2019, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,307 posts, read 4,485,746 times
Reputation: 26725
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
How do the professional counselors handle this!

In 45 minute increments at $150/session.
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Old 05-01-2019, 01:18 PM
 
2,967 posts, read 1,127,476 times
Reputation: 5728
are you asking for ideas or solutions?
are you just "venting" for relief?
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Old 05-01-2019, 01:27 PM
 
6,137 posts, read 4,925,122 times
Reputation: 12357
Quote:
Originally Posted by turkeydance View Post
are you asking for ideas or solutions?
are you just "venting" for relief?
Mostly venting.

But I will be cutting back.
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Old 05-01-2019, 02:48 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,307 posts, read 4,485,746 times
Reputation: 26725
As long as they have someone to complain to, they'll invent drama endlessly. It's just the way people are. We have a compelling desire to prove ourselves "right" and the other party "wrong."

You'll be doing both yourself and them a favor if you taper off the contact.
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Old 05-01-2019, 03:13 PM
 
3,076 posts, read 778,762 times
Reputation: 3556
The frustrating part is when they won't take the advice after seeking advice.

"You're frustrated enough to come to someone about your problems - that's good - but you need to reach a point where change is the most attractive option, above and beyond sentimental attachment. Then you will be ready for change."
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Old 05-01-2019, 03:25 PM
 
6,137 posts, read 4,925,122 times
Reputation: 12357
Quote:
Originally Posted by ddm2k View Post
The frustrating part is when they won't take the advice after seeking advice.

"You're frustrated enough to come to someone about your problems - that's good - but you need to reach a point where change is the most attractive option, above and beyond sentimental attachment. Then you will be ready for change."
yea - i finally told her - "Hey yes, its a great idea to get back together with your loser boyfriend that you complain about constantly. Yes - its great that your kids won't speak to you now"

Not in those exact words, but said - sure start seeing him again.
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Old 05-01-2019, 03:43 PM
 
Location: Orlando
1,946 posts, read 2,598,055 times
Reputation: 7330
Make yourself less available. Don't answer the phone -- let it go to voice mail. Don't agree to see this person so frequently.
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Old 05-01-2019, 04:48 PM
 
3,589 posts, read 1,596,602 times
Reputation: 13431
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Have any of y'all been through this?

It just started happening to me. I'm now the sounding post to a long time acquaintance and one of her siblings. Family estrangement issues that also involves a court case.

I swear it is driving me nuts. How can people be so crazy.

I try to sympathize but also feel like telling them - snap out of it!

Guess i will have to cut back.

It also helps to vent here - so thank you for listening.
Itís not her fault, you have a sign on your forehead that says you wil listen and listen and empathize etc. itís one thing if you were close friends but she is an acquaintance and you needed to nip it in the bud from get go.
Either suggest she join an online support group, go to counseling and then change the subject, repeat as necessary, or you take a step further back from being acquaintances.
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Old 05-01-2019, 08:07 PM
Status: "?" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: Tucson Arizona
3,773 posts, read 1,593,842 times
Reputation: 9842
Stop being a passive listener.

Change the subject to something that interests you. Like, "I'm thinking of getting a tattoo," or "I found a great new restaurant."

When they try to wrest the conversation back to their complaints, you just keep on with your topic. If they interrupt you, walk away or hang up.

Most people learn very quickly to modify their behavior.
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