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Old 05-09-2019, 10:07 AM
 
3,481 posts, read 5,144,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
I agree. Actually the adult will. And in this context, I don't necessarily mean the older person. I mean the more mature.
Exactly!
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Old 05-09-2019, 10:11 AM
 
188 posts, read 63,156 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
I agree. Actually the adult will. And in this context, I don't necessarily mean the older person. I mean the more mature.
That depends on what caused the falling out. Was it just a difference of opinion or was it a condemnation of someone's lifestyle? If someone is harping on me about how to live my life, even though I've told them I'll do as I wish, I may not feel any need to reconcile.


Too little information in the OP to offer an answer.
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Old 05-09-2019, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,217 posts, read 10,227,759 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by numsgal View Post
That depends on what caused the falling out. Was it just a difference of opinion or was it a condemnation of someone's lifestyle? If someone is harping on me about how to live my life, even though I've told them I'll do as I wish, I may not feel any need to reconcile.


Too little information in the OP to offer an answer.

the OP isn't asking IF there should be a reconciliation. According to the post, which I agree in pretty vague, the question is who.
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Old 05-09-2019, 03:01 PM
 
6,168 posts, read 3,494,663 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sayulita View Post
Respectfully disagree. There shouldn't be "rules" to govern such a situation. Someone has to make the first move even if the 2 parties are "even".

I agree that there are no rules I can apply to others but I do have a "rule" I follow for myself and it's "How much damage will I do to my lifelong attitude if I don't make an attempt to take responsibility for my part in the rift?" Have enough of these and you can build up quite a stack of unfinished business with all its negative attitudes alive and well.

Generally that helps me put issues of ego aside and to consider it good mental health on my part to keep my side of the street swept regardless of what the other person does with theirs. Helps keep me "clean" of resentments.

My attitude is that if they don't accept my offer the mess now belongs to them.
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Old 05-09-2019, 03:14 PM
 
3,481 posts, read 5,144,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
I agree that there are no rules I can apply to others but I do have a "rule" I follow for myself and it's "How much damage will I do to my lifelong attitude if I don't make an attempt to take responsibility for my part in the rift?" Have enough of these and you can build up quite a stack of unfinished business with all its negative attitudes alive and well.

Generally that helps me put issues of ego aside and to consider it good mental health on my part to keep my side of the street swept regardless of what the other person does with theirs. Helps keep me "clean" of resentments.

My attitude is that if they don't accept my offer the mess now belongs to them.
I completely agree. Put forward your best effort to address/mend the rift. If the other party does not respond, you've done your part and now the onus is on them. If they come back at you and it's too little, too late, that's on them as well.


There's a lot to be said about doing the right thing and keeping your conscience clear and clean. Many people do not understand that taking responsibility when you must is totally liberating. They spend so much energy shifting blame, pointing fingers and exonerating themselves at all costs, it must be exhausting!
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Old 05-09-2019, 03:49 PM
 
1,148 posts, read 774,251 times
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It depends why there is a falling out.
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Old 05-09-2019, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
560 posts, read 132,735 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
I agree that there are no rules I can apply to others but I do have a "rule" I follow for myself and it's "How much damage will I do to my lifelong attitude if I don't make an attempt to take responsibility for my part in the rift?" Have enough of these and you can build up quite a stack of unfinished business with all its negative attitudes alive and well.

Generally that helps me put issues of ego aside and to consider it good mental health on my part to keep my side of the street swept regardless of what the other person does with theirs. Helps keep me "clean" of resentments.

My attitude is that if they don't accept my offer the mess now belongs to them.
This is the best answer.
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Old 05-09-2019, 08:20 PM
 
6,002 posts, read 2,758,380 times
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The entity that forced the rift is the person accountable to fix it.

Example: spouse cheats. Is it really the spurned spouse that is to take the high road and reconcile? Or the wife that was battered should be the first to reconcile? Ya all have got to give a bit more thought to who is primarily responsible.

Reconciliation is not the same as making peace and going your separate ways.

I have a bit more regard for myself then to play the bigger person and reconcile with a cheater or Abuser.
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Old 05-09-2019, 09:29 PM
 
9,101 posts, read 9,120,285 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cbeigle54 View Post
Alright, so the parent is , in fact, the adult in the relationship. Especially as to how
they relate to their children (grown or not). So my question is...in YOUR opinion,
when there is a "falling out" of any kind.....who has the first responsibility to
reconcile, the parent or the child? Asking for a friend.....
I don't think there's a definitive answer. I agree that the parent should usually be the first to step up. But there's also the question of who was mainly at fault.
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Old 05-09-2019, 11:48 PM
 
6,559 posts, read 3,783,880 times
Reputation: 15229
A "falling out"? What does that mean. A simple disagreement about what restaurant to go to, or something major like killing your dog or using your credit card. With petty disagreements it can be either one, assuming that neither behaved badly. With major transgressions it should the offender obviously.
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