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We must be doppelgangers, because I'm the same way. I live alone, but I keep myself busy and entertained. And I don't want to give up any of it, either. I have things to do almost every night of the week: some days it's gym, others it's meetups, and at least one day it's errands/chores. When someone invites me to hang out or I stumble upon a last-minute meetup, I go. But I also enjoy coming home to a quiet empty apartment, where I can chug beer, pass gas, and leave dirty dishes in the sink, with no one saying a word to me.
I actually don't get wistful when I see happy couples. They look "happy" in public, but I just think of the screaming arguments they have at home, them never going out, and the boyfriend/husband being constantly in the doghouse. And any wistfulness I feel vanishes like a puddle in July in Arizona.
Some couples really like each other. My parents did. They had an occasional disagreement. It got a little loud once in a while, but that only lasted for 5 minutes.
For me it's not about fighting or getting along, you can get along great but it can still be just hard. lt's just having to exist with 2 or think of the other one all the time, giving up your space, being prepared to go through fuss over even the tiniest things you just do and live if your on your own .
Some people don't mind all that even like it, like my brother married 30yrs. He thrives on fuss or talking about what their gonna have for tea or scratching his ass 30mins or every other move he makes or having someone around 24 7, loves it all , he's just not a spacey person if he was alone 10 mins he'd be looking for company.
Not even close! I lived with two roommates during part of college. They were very laid-back guys. We laid down strict ground rules for what's what. We mostly each lived our own lives, although sometimes we'd eat meals or go to a party together. It was pretty nice. Even though we lived in a cramped one-bedroom apartment that had minor maintenance issues, with three mattresses on the floor functioning as beds.
However, while growing up, I lived with parents who were very strict with me and always fought with each other. And since the wife/girlfriend is in charge and lays down the law, being married or cohabiting is very much like living with parents. You have neither freedom nor much privacy, and you must do what you're told. The only difference is that you're allowed to have sex in the house. (Haha! I made a funny! )
I suppose if I met someone who can find it within herself to butt out of my life and let me be (not unlike what my college roommates were like), I might let her move in with me. But such people are extremely rare. So I'm sticking to living alone, even with the occasional lonely moments it brings on.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 05-24-2019 at 06:29 AM..
We must be doppelgangers, because I'm the same way. I live alone, but I keep myself busy and entertained. And I don't want to give up any of it, either. I have things to do almost every night of the week: some days it's gym, others it's meetups, and at least one day it's errands/chores. When someone invites me to hang out or I stumble upon a last-minute meetup, I go. But I also enjoy coming home to a quiet empty apartment, where I can chug beer, pass gas, and leave dirty dishes in the sink, with no one saying a word to me.
I actually don't get wistful when I see happy couples. They look "happy" in public, but I just think of the screaming arguments they have at home, them never going out, and the boyfriend/husband being constantly in the doghouse. And any wistfulness I feel vanishes like a puddle in July in Arizona.
And that is why you see so many (nice) middle aged singles who aren't actively looking.
Not even close! I lived with two roommates during part of college. They were very laid-back guys. We laid down strict ground rules for what's what. We mostly each lived our own lives, although sometimes we'd eat meals or go to a party together. It was pretty nice. Even though we lived in a cramped one-bedroom apartment that had minor maintenance issues, with three mattresses on the floor functioning as beds.
However, while growing up, I lived with parents who were very strict with me and always fought with each other. And since the wife/girlfriend is in charge and lays down the law, being married or cohabiting is very much like living with parents. You have neither freedom nor much privacy, and you must do what you're told. The only difference is that you're allowed to have sex in the house. (Haha! I made a funny! )
I suppose if I met someone who can find it within herself to butt out of my life and let me be (not unlike what my college roommates were like), I might let her move in with me. But such people are extremely rare. So I'm sticking to living alone, even with the occasional lonely moments it brings on.
I need to have your attitude. I had a similar upbringing. I just bought a house, but I don't like that I'll be living there alone. However, the living situation will be amazing compared to my current one with loud neighbors and no yard. I'm going to get a dog, which may help a lot. We will see.
I need to have your attitude. I had a similar upbringing. I just bought a house, but I don't like that I'll be living there alone. However, the living situation will be amazing compared to my current one with loud neighbors and no yard. I'm going to get a dog, which may help a lot. We will see.
I don't want to live alone in a house, either. Too big and empty. It's why I like apartments and condominiums in a large building in a dense neighborhood. Hence, the "Urbanist" part of my name.
I want a dog too, but it'll probably be a beagle instead of a big breed, since most places have size and weight restrictions.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 05-24-2019 at 09:41 AM..
Don't get me wrong l prefer having a partner to being alone and l do like the life, l've lived most of my adult life with a partner .The main chunk was married.
So for me it's confusing because l also find it hard a lot of the time.
You could say well it needs to be the right person, well of course it does and l've been incredibly lucky like that but l still find it hard so it's a real 50 50 thing. lt's not that l like being on my own, l miss having someone mostly when l am alone now, but it is also nice at times too.
l've wondered my whole life if most couples just make all kinds of allowances to manage it and how they feel about that- or do they even notice that at all maybe it doesn't even bother them, like my brother.
l often wonder if l just need to be more patient and tolerant , maybe most couples , the guys in it anyway are just better at it in that way than me.
Maybe l need to kick my own ass now and then, well l do anyway actually quite a lot, especially when l was married.
l've always wondered where the line is or how hard living two is for others.l mean obviously some couples just should not be living together they're so opposite. But that's never been the problem for me at all , yet it's still hard l find.
I was married for 20 years, have been divorced for 18 years now, and the youngest of the children I raised (alone) is getting ready to move of my house, which will leave me here on my own.
Now that I will be able to actually "have a life" on my own, I know for certain that I want to live alone. I would like to find a companion that has his own "space" as well, and that would be willing to share life and adventures, but I want and need my own personal space to come back to. I felt suffocated when I was married. I know women in my situation that marry somewhat for companionship, but also for financial security, but I don't think it's worth the trade off.
I'd rather struggle a little and have the peace of doing what I want to do, when I want to do it. I don't want to be EXPECTED to do anything by another person. I'm waaay too independently minded to ever again have someone try to dictate to me the way things are going to be. Not going to happen.
This is exactly like my situation in some ways. I was in an abusive marriage for about 18-20 years. Most of it was emotional, psychological. A lot of intimidation, put downs, and threats. I had two daughters, no personal life or space, and I too felt suffocated. My life revolved exclusively around my husband and children. After a very brutal, messy divorce, I vowed I would never marry again, just could not take the risk. I struggled financially for years.
I’m now retired, living alone in an area that I love, and feel a lot more confident than I ever did while married. Things did improve financially but it was a lot of work and it has taken a long time. I agree that I could never allow a person to tell me how to live, or what to do.
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