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Also, the promise you made your father might die with YOU
This. YOU are the one who made the promise OP and unfortunately you broke it. Whether his story should be shared or not for historical purposes isn't the point. Also consider that you could have "shared" aspects of his experience without identifying the person(s) involved specifically which was most likely what he wanted to protect. While I agree with those who feel history shouldn't be buried, I also feel there are ways to inform without exposing something personally sensitive. Chances are nothing in his story is going to change history. I wouldn't break a promise unless it was for a profound humanitarian reason (such as sharing the intentions of some relative who planned to bomb a building, murder someone, etc).
Did your dad know about the Holocaust museum? If he did, any idea whether he might have submitted anything to them? That might help in your decision. Consulting them about the ethics/morals and your promise might be a good idea. Museum curators deal with privacy, sensitive information, and "ownership" issues all the time. They have probably dealt with this before and could offer alternatives. Accepting a sealed account for archival preservation but not divulging the contents publicly.
Last edited by Parnassia; 05-11-2019 at 02:51 PM..
My take: I do think you kept your promise. You’ve only showed it to others after he passed, correct? He is dead now; he does not care. And unless sharing it would hurt someone still alive, I don’t see the need of keeping it secret. I do think it would be a loss if his account would be forever lost.
Since you are conflicted about this, I suggest you find a rabbi or pastor, depending on your father’s religion, and talk with him or her about the ethics involved. This person is qualified to help you think about what your father might have feared when he instructed you to share only with family. And this person would also be able to help you assess the value of allowing your father’s story to be released.
I made a promise to a friend who is now passed. The thing I promised not to reveal is passed, my friend is sadly dead, but I have not talked about it to anyone, save my DH who finally heard it from another family member. But this thing, was never my secret to tell. It involves a living person, and it frankly is no one else’s business.
But I don’t think what you have in your possession is like that. I think it is a valuable memoir. That’s why I think you need input from someone who is used to thinking about ethical problems.
And I think you deserve credit for treating your father’s memoir with great respect.
You broke this promise. Why? To satisfy someone's curiosity or to have something interesting to to share? What comes to mind is what else have you shared or will share? Secret keepers like that back then - use your imagination.
My Dad wrote the story of a period in his life detailing his survival in Germany during the Holocaust. It involved where he hid, how he obtained false documents, things he witnessed. He gave a copy to me and my brother to answer the many questions we had that he refused to talk about. He asked that it not be shared “outside the family.” He passed away almost 20 years ago. I have only shared it with family — cousins, 2nd cousins and my own kids. I made each promise not to share it and, as far as I know, everyone has complied. However, I made an exception and shared it recently with a long-time friend who I am certain will honor Dad’s request not to share it.
Its a compelling story and I have been considering donating it to the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC. My friend, after reading the story, asked permission to share with someone I don’t know who also survived the Holocaust.
Should I honor Dad’s request, or share the story?
No, promises don't expire upon death. I think they become even more important. I would honor his request and not share it outside of the family.
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