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Old 05-12-2019, 03:02 PM
 
86 posts, read 33,544 times
Reputation: 96

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This is embarrassing to admit but it's been bothering me for a long time and I just want peace. My neighbors who have been living across the street forever have been quiet peaceful and keep to themselves. We never had fights and even interacted with each other one time. They have done nothing for me to warrant this feeling.

In my earlier years I had zero problems with them and was never jealous; but in seems the last 3-4 years this jealously in me has been growing. I have been trying to get over it but for whenever reason I just can't. I tried the "out of sight out of mind" but it is difficult since they are literally across the street and I have a big window in the room.

I don't want to be locked up in my room all day either or be afraid to go outside. Maybe you guys can talk some logic into me, it took me a lot to write this since I am so embarrassed of it. I want to be happy for them or even just stop caring.
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Old 05-12-2019, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,426 posts, read 8,142,224 times
Reputation: 5085
So you're jealous w/ this pretty much total stranger across the street. I know you said there's nothing to warrant your feelings, but what is it? It has to be something, so what is it?

- nice cars
- nice-looking wife & kids
- nice-looking home, lawn, yard, etc.
- just seems to have the "perfect" life

What is it?

I wouldn't be noticing any neighbors that much. Maybe you have too much time on your hands at home to focus on this. Go do something, take up hobbies, etc.
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Old 05-12-2019, 03:12 PM
 
86 posts, read 33,544 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
So you're jealous w/ this pretty much total stranger across the street. I know you said there's nothing to warrant your feelings, but what is it? It has to be something, so what is it?

- nice cars
- nice-looking wife & kids
- nice-looking home, lawn, yard, etc.
- just seems to have the "perfect" life

What is it?

I wouldn't be noticing any neighbors that much. Maybe you have too much time on your hands at home to focus on this. Go do something, take up hobbies, etc.
All of that you listed pretty much. I have a hobby and like to be outside; I don't know maybe the situation just makes me so inadequate, I just quiet frankly just want to walk away when it happens and not even be around my house/neighborhood.
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Old 05-12-2019, 03:29 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,077 posts, read 2,899,892 times
Reputation: 23939
Sounds as if they are a visual reminder of what you don't have...independence and the desirable evidence of a nice "normal" productive life. Every time you see them you compare yourself to them. You may end up feeling anger and resentment toward THEM, but it's really toward yourself for not getting these same things. The only person in charge of your jealousy is you unfortunately.
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Old 05-12-2019, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,156 posts, read 41,752,473 times
Reputation: 82881
You need to speak to your doctor about this.
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Old 05-12-2019, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Portal to the Pacific
5,119 posts, read 5,086,104 times
Reputation: 6343
Quote:
Originally Posted by LandscapeAritst View Post
This is embarrassing to admit but it's been bothering me for a long time and I just want peace. My neighbors who have been living across the street forever have been quiet peaceful and keep to themselves. We never had fights and even interacted with each other one time. They have done nothing for me to warrant this feeling.

In my earlier years I had zero problems with them and was never jealous; but in seems the last 3-4 years this jealously in me has been growing. I have been trying to get over it but for whenever reason I just can't. I tried the "out of sight out of mind" but it is difficult since they are literally across the street and I have a big window in the room.

I don't want to be locked up in my room all day either or be afraid to go outside. Maybe you guys can talk some logic into me, it took me a lot to write this since I am so embarrassed of it. I want to be happy for them or even just stop caring.
You haven't really articulated what is triggering you.

What are your neighbors doing that triggers this feeling? Is it their cars? How they look? Is it that they seem peaceful and keep to themselves?

It does strike me odd that you barely talk to them (just once?) and yet you're this bothered by them.
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Old 05-12-2019, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,426 posts, read 8,142,224 times
Reputation: 5085
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post
You haven't really articulated what is triggering you.

What are your neighbors doing that triggers this feeling? Is it their cars? How they look? Is it that they seem peaceful and keep to themselves?

It does strike me odd that you barely talk to them (just once?) and yet you're this bothered by them.
He answered why above (post #3 in reply to #2).
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Old 05-12-2019, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Rochester, WA
5,552 posts, read 3,097,663 times
Reputation: 15184
Strange posts today... No real advice, but I keep wanting to combine this thread with the other one complaining about the neighbor who hangs out in the garage.
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Old 05-12-2019, 04:26 PM
 
86 posts, read 33,544 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
Sounds as if they are a visual reminder of what you don't have...independence and the desirable evidence of a nice "normal" productive life. Every time you see them you compare yourself to them.
They really do seem to have the perfect life. Parents with kids in their early 20s who all have expensive looking cars and they look like they get them detailed every single day. It just feels unreal, my mind is just blown away. I know the grass always seems greener on the other side and for all I know they are all up to their neck in debt but I just don't know. They all have kids too that they bring over to visit their parents.

I am not depressed or anything because of it but it is just super annoying. When the kids were younger, they use to play at their house; I tried to interact with their kids around my age but they were just so withdrawn. Eventually they took their soccer game to the backyard because they didn't want my niece, nephew or sister to play with their kids in their yard. Maybe that incident left a really bad taste in my mouth and I don't particularly care for them anymore after the way they treated the kids.
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Old 05-12-2019, 04:40 PM
 
20,521 posts, read 16,599,446 times
Reputation: 38519
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post
You haven't really articulated what is triggering you.

What are your neighbors doing that triggers this feeling? Is it their cars? How they look? Is it that they seem peaceful and keep to themselves?

It does strike me odd that you barely talk to them (just once?) and yet you're this bothered by them.
Actually be better if he did talk to them and didnít know them. When you donít talk to them at all, their life is what you imagine it to be. That is seldom what real life is.

OP you have no idea what burdens this family has that you donít see. I understand as I had issues like that when I was young. I was very jealous of the kids in high school and even after who I refer to as the ďPerfect PeopleĒ, beautiful, great families with parents they like as well as love, etc. I have a coworker who is married to a fairly wealthy man. They have big gorgeous house, vacation house at the shore, beautiful accomplished genuinely good kids, and a Disney time share which they use all the time (while I havenít been able to afford to go in 15 years). Add to that she is a fantastic worker, more technically adept than me, and still beautiful even though middle age.

All you can do is count your own blessings. Some people win the lottery, wasnít me, but I have been blessed in many ways and I guarantee there are people with less than me who envy my life. I am lucky in a way, because I work on a daily basis with people who live in their pickup truck, have cancer, canít walk, etc and it reminds me daily of all I have to be grateful for. This doesnít mean I wouldnít like her life, even just the freedom not to have to worry about money and know they will be able to have a comfortable retirement, I would kill for that peace of mind (lol). But itís not my life and thereís no point dwelling g.

I am sure your neighbors cannot tell and there is no reason to be embarrassed.
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