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View Poll Results: Would you give a former bully a second chance?
Yes 25 62.50%
No 15 37.50%
Voters: 40. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-13-2019, 04:10 AM
12,255 posts, read 13,479,761 times
Reputation: 14115


Originally Posted by Veronica97 View Post
Last week:
He pulled my brother out of the way of an upcoming van, nearly getting run over himself. The drunk driver got arrested afterwards. While my parents and I are still hurt for everything he put my brother through, if it weren't for him my brother would have been seriously injured or died.
My brother already forgave him but we didn't welcome him in the house. My brother had to step out to meet up with him. We decided to try giving him a second chance. Should we? Would you give a second chance to a former bully?

In the past:
That kid (both him and my brother are now 17 year-olds) was the reason my brother would come home all stressed out and moody, wouldn't be on his fb anymore, start crying all of the sudden and at some point was covered with small bruises. He was his main tormentor who would call out his friends and others to join in. This went on for 4 years; it started verbally at first and then lastly turned physical.

We found about the bullying issue after my brother's best friend (Alex) informed us about it. My brother began practicing self-defense with Alex, who knows both Krav Maga and BJJ. As expected the day came when my brother beat the hell out of him not so long ago in the beginning of Dec. Though it cost him a suspension for a whole week. Problem solved ever since.

That is awesome!

Sounded like a kid starving for attention. Parents of this former bully weren’t doing their job.

Kids are kids. Sounds like the problem was fixed.

Moving on. No need to harbor resentment toward people. It only hurts you.
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Old 05-13-2019, 04:15 AM
64 posts, read 14,335 times
Reputation: 232
Sure. Give him a second chance. But be watching.
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Old 05-13-2019, 04:21 AM
2,928 posts, read 1,527,309 times
Reputation: 3104
People do change but it is a long process of trying to do one-good-deed-at-a-time in order to undo the hurt they built up. Sometimes their efforts are not recognized according to their expectations and that will cause them to fall back into their old ways. Basically, they give up.

He may be doing something good in order to get something in return. If that is the case, expectations need to be clear from the beginning but he should be thanked for being unexpectedly helpful. If he is doing good just to do good, then you do what you normally do to thank a person for their good deeds. He shouldn't be treated with suspicion.

Last edited by elyn02; 05-13-2019 at 04:37 AM..
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Old 05-13-2019, 05:22 AM
Location: Northern Virginia
5,082 posts, read 5,346,651 times
Reputation: 12576
Forgive, sure. Forget, nope.
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Old 05-13-2019, 05:49 AM
Location: Kansas City
706 posts, read 920,916 times
Reputation: 587
Forgive? Yes.
Reconcile? No.
Don't be stupid.
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Old 05-13-2019, 07:00 AM
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,565 posts, read 33,287,625 times
Reputation: 32125
Honestly, Hell no. I still had to live the trauma of the bullying which can’t be taken back with good deeds.
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Old 05-13-2019, 08:24 AM
1,143 posts, read 334,233 times
Reputation: 3502
Saving your brother may have been something he would have done for anyone. Some people are cool in a crisis and act instinctively.

As for the bullying...... Sure, give him a chance. You don't have to make him your best friend. He may be maturing and becoming a better person. That said, it is really up to your brother as to whether to forgive and be friends. You can keep your distance.
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:07 AM
Location: Western MA
1,581 posts, read 1,021,829 times
Reputation: 4088
I think your brother is old enough to make his own choices. You don't have to love his choices, but I would respect them (unless there are drugs or something illegal involved).
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Old 05-13-2019, 10:39 AM
Status: "My privilege looks good on me." (set 5 days ago)
773 posts, read 166,699 times
Reputation: 1151
A seventeen year old - yes. An adult who's been a creep their entire life - no.
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Old 05-13-2019, 11:00 AM
1,080 posts, read 483,236 times
Reputation: 2869
Originally Posted by Mr. In-Between View Post
So the guy apologized repeatedly, wished your mother a happy mothers' day, promised to not only ever bully anyone again but also promised to always protect your brother, and then saved your brother's life, and you're wondering if you can find it in your heart to forgive him?
There is no obligation to forgive someone that bullied you, no matter how much they prostrate themselves after the fact. The bully can consider it a lesson learned.
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