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I would wait. Bullying is sadism, it's a character flaw and I don't think it magically goes POOF! and disappears.
Administering a most-deserved arse whuppin was an excellent public service that OP's brother performed. I'd watch this pot to see if it boils again or if it just stays put.
Sometimes a Come To Jesus Moment DOES change a life. Time will tell.
Exactly. Bullying can indeed affect someone in the long-run.
I've realized my stance might have been harsh and that's probably because I personally never will understand the point of inflicting pain on others and enjoying their misery, doing all that just to satisfy your need. There has to seriously be something wrong with you. It's not normal.
I would like to add that even as a 10 year-old, I knew right from wrong. Though I never experienced getting bullied, I was the one standing up for injustices. At that age, I once stood up for a girl getting made fun of for her weight in the cafeteria. The girl was on the verge of tears until I came and told the 3 girls to stop. I then sat down with the girl with we become friends from that day.
Yesterday I took my time searching about what makes a bully and why do they do it. There are too many factors to consider and more than likely they come from a dysfunctional household. Though that's still no excuse. Some people have it worse and they don't act like sadistic jerks. Imagine if everyone could use the excuse of ''I had a bad childhood'' in court? The world would be one big chaos.
Regarding as to whether I bother asking my brother about it, you bet I did. Prior to beating up his bully, my brother was a quiet, sweet kid that never liked fights at all. He was the type to believe there is something good in people and tried several times to reason with the bully but it would result in getting bullied more. Nothing would register in that guy's mind except a beating. Even before the fight, my brother warned him 3 times to stop and explained that he wasn't going to take it anymore. The bully laughed and proceeded to another punch in the arm and a spitting in the face (not the first time he's been spat on), which earned him the beating.
My brother forgave because for these two reasons;
- He doesn't want to live with bitterness
- The bully was remorseful and sincere in his apology and he hasn't bullied anyone ever since. Then when the bully saved his life, that made him forgive him close the chapter for good.
I'll let my brother handle his issue. My brother apparently doesn't want to talk about it anymore and wants to move on. My father has work tomorrow so he won't be available but my mother still wants to speak to the bully.
I must add that Alex isn't very happy about my brother befriending his bully. His friend also is surprised that my brother forgave.
For me, it would take more than just one good deed with someone like that. I'd say thank you, and watch to see if any bad behavior continued. I'd stay wary.
I didn't vote, because it's not a yes or no situation.
Agreed, on both the advice and the fact that not yes or no.
First, forgiveness is for the victim not the perpetrator. Your brother already forgave him. End of story. Someone who victimizes another living creature has something wrong in their make up. That will not change. Perhaps he did not want to see your brother actually die that day, but apparently, he enjoys seeing creatures suffer. He will do it again.
Last week:
He pulled my brother out of the way of an upcoming van, nearly getting run over himself. The drunk driver got arrested afterwards. While my parents and I are still hurt for everything he put my brother through, if it weren't for him my brother would have been seriously injured or died.
My brother already forgave him but we didn't welcome him in the house. My brother had to step out to meet up with him. We decided to try giving him a second chance. Should we? Would you give a second chance to a former bully?
In the past:
That kid (both him and my brother are now 17 year-olds) was the reason my brother would come home all stressed out and moody, wouldn't be on his fb anymore, start crying all of the sudden and at some point was covered with small bruises. He was his main tormentor who would call out his friends and others to join in. This went on for 4 years; it started verbally at first and then lastly turned physical.
We found about the bullying issue after my brother's best friend (Alex) informed us about it. My brother began practicing self-defense with Alex, who knows both Krav Maga and BJJ. As expected the day came when my brother beat the hell out of him not so long ago in the beginning of Dec. Though it cost him a suspension for a whole week. Problem solved ever since.
I suppose in your cited case the bully could be ...forgiven. Since your son thrashed him and if he saved his life that does count for something. But the former bully needs to start off with his hat in his hand. Some very tight friendships can develop out of such cases.
Personally the bullies I dealt with I "forgave" them but no actual friendships developed. We got along but that was the extent of it. With all save one anyway. To his day he is and shall remain the worst enemy I have. I did deliver a whupping and his attempted abuse did stop but a serious grudge remained. It's to long a story to relate here but as we got older his lifestyle of drugs and crime became worse and we wound up clashing again.
We have...unfinished business. Maybe when he gets out of prison. If he gets out. A friend of mine and I had a hand in putting him there and the incident involved was his 3d strike. His crime that put him back inside was pretty serious. Attempted murder. My friend and my involvement was regarding his attempt to buy a gun from my friends shop and our denial of his attempt as another parole violation charge. It added to s long list.
He got hold of n illegal weapon afterward but we had reported him to the police that he was trying to buy a gun. The cops just didn't follow up. But it was "on the list." Yea ..sure thing. He's in the jailhouse now. And life goes on.
Sounded like a kid starving for attention. Parents of this former bully weren’t doing their job.
Seems like that was the case. Overall the meeting earlier went well and he seemed like an ok guy. They just got out of the movies.
I had college so I couldn't stay home longer. Two things that caught my attention, which I don't think it's normal though:
- Apparently this kid has no curfew and hasn't had one for a long time.
- He's been walking home from school, return home or to the park alone as early as 7 years old.
It depends on the deed and how much of a bully the person was, but generally 'no'. The people who bullied me and made my life hell at school can go to hell.
Your forgiveness will improve your character but never change his
Foregivness is letting go of hate not doormatting
Truly. Hate is one of those things that will poison you if you keep packing it around. It will eat a hole in your heart and take up space that can be used for the people you love. But as you say forgiveness is something you do for your sake. Not for the person inspiring your hate.
Sounded like a kid starving for attention. Parents of this former bully weren’t doing their job.
Kids are kids. Sounds like the problem was fixed.
Moving on. No need to harbor resentment toward people. It only hurts you.
What's wrong with kids these days that parents have to spend so much time hand holding? Back when I was a kid (late 60's) we played by ourselves, with siblings or neighbors. Now parents feel they have to entertain kids a good part of the day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronica97
Seems like that was the case. Overall the meeting earlier went well and he seemed like an ok guy. They just got out of the movies.
I had college so I couldn't stay home longer. Two things that caught my attention, which I don't think it's normal though:
- Apparently this kid has no curfew and hasn't had one for a long time.
- He's been walking home from school, return home or to the park alone as early as 7 years old.
That's how it was when I was younger. We were able to just go anywhere. I used to ride my bike to the other side of town miles away or took the bus to Elizabeth NJ which was pretty shady back then.
I don't recall having a curfew either. I've never been a bully. I wish I knew why kids were bullies. Mine as I said was over weight. He had a beautiful mother who was always doing things for her 2 boys.
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And life goes on.
