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I have to say that the OP and his wife sound incredibly high maintenance. The OP has WAY to many opinions on the poor sons life, and most don't sound fair.
This may explain why he is avoiding you both.
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Agree, I lost my mom a few years back. I even bought a card for a couple of years after she passed. Parents aren't going to be around forever.
Now I make it a point with women I know who are mothers to say have a Happy Mother's Day.
Thank you for doing this; I’m sure you have made a difference.
Mothers, in general, have always struggled to feel validated but over the last few decades; they seem to be in the running for the; “people we love to hate” category. Used to be there were dads in the house who would enforce the “Respect your mother!” ... mandate but I guess moms aren’t that popular with dads now even.
There are all different types of people & families out there & in no other relationship is the “grass always greener”, than in the mother & teen/young adult child relationship.
I used to be one of those that talked about my crazy mom but in retrospect I can see that she tried so hard & only ever wanted the best for me. And yes, she could be judgemental, play the martyr, lay on the guilt trip, etc ... But seriously; if ever somebody needed to be judged; it was me, sometimes. And she would have been a slacker if she didn’t guilt trip me. That’s somewhere in the job description, I’m sure.
I really think that it’s “popular for your mom to be unpopular” right now. Even the whole “childfree by choice” claim makes me wonder. Is saying; “I never want kids” ... actually saying; “I don’t ever want to be like you”?* Even Google has slipped in a covert jab at moms via their Google Doodle these last two years. Last years was “how we could help the children of incarcerated mothers.” This years was “Honoring mothers from ALL species”.
Seriously? Millions of people will see that Mothers Day message worldwide & we will hear about moms who can’t mother due to being convicted felons & furry, feathery & scaley “moms”? Anything but our narcissistic, human moms.
*Afterthought: Or to avoid having to own up to maybe finding out it’s not that easy?
I cannot begin to count the number of women I know whose grown children fail to acknowledge them on Mother’s Day, no card, no call, nada. Unfortunately it’s just not that rare. I don’t get it. How hard is it to call, drop a card in the mail, any gesture to show your appreciation. I grew up with a stepmother who couldn’t stand me and even her I acknowledged on that day.
If you put your expectations on someone else, you will be disappointed most of the time. I really think its far more important how people treat each other on a daily basis. Too many people say "happy mothers day" or whatever day, not meaning anything by it other than its expected of them. What good is that? Id rather get a tail wag from my dog, at least I know its sincere.
I have to say that the OP and his wife sound incredibly high maintenance. The OP has WAY to many opinions on the poor sons life, and most don't sound fair.
This may explain why he is avoiding you both.
He comes here to rant about her children because it makes him feel superior.
All you can do, really, is just take care of who you care about. I understand being a bit miffed at a "less than sensitive" kid but all you can do is remind him. Then you're done. Comfort your wife.
Growing up in the 60's, I had a mentor, but no father. My mentor is long gone now. Father's day a few years ago I sent his daughter a father's day message just to tell her that, like her, I was thinking of her father. She answered and was very, very appreciative. It made my day, just knowing that I had made her day.
My son was traveling with friends in Colombia. He texted me "happy mother's day!" I was happy enough with that. Honestly, I don't get into all of the trappings of a fake holiday. My kids do nice things for me at other times; they don't limit them to the second Sunday in May and then go all out. My husband did take my daughter to buy me flowers, which was very nice. But if that's the only time I ever got flowers, I'd have lots of hopes pinned on that one day. And, to me, that's sad.
Speaking as a mother, I find mother's day and father's day to be annoying "hallmark" holidays that are completely unnecessary. I've told my kids that once they are adults they do NOT need to do anything for me on Mother's Day (while they are younger my husband insists on honoring the day).
The only important holidays for me are Xmas and Easter. I don't even care if my birthday is acknowledged, TBH.
Celebrating Mother's Day, while common, is not universally obligatory. My DH does not have much of a sense of occasion and had it been left to him in his dealings with his mother, he probably would not have known when it was Mother's Day. But he was happy to drive an hour to visit her almost every week of the forty-five years that he lived away from her. And I know that is what his mother appreciated.
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