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Old 05-17-2019, 06:50 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,407 posts, read 8,103,583 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
Naw….He likely is the same personality that made you quit being his friend earlier.....Why go back. Make some new adult friends....people who have things in common with you.
I know earlier I said you can try if you want, but I tend to agree w/ this too. If it were me personally, I'm sure I wouldn't bother reconnecting.

But if you really want to try, see what kinds of things & pictures, etc. he posts about on FB. Look back as far as you can & look at it all to sum him up as a person. Does he seem better than he used to be?
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Old 05-19-2019, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,936 posts, read 3,417,634 times
Reputation: 10397
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
I know earlier I said you can try if you want, but I tend to agree w/ this too. If it were me personally, I'm sure I wouldn't bother reconnecting.

But if you really want to try, see what kinds of things & pictures, etc. he posts about on FB. Look back as far as you can & look at it all to sum him up as a person. Does he seem better than he used to be?
There are two old high school friends who asked to friends me on fb. I did, but our lives are so different, we really have nothing in common. It is interesting to see how their lives evolved but that's about it.
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Old 05-26-2019, 10:34 PM
 
17 posts, read 2,374 times
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People change. Sounds like if you're having doubts, why bother?

You can be best friends in childhood with someone, but as adults, you're on a different wavelength now.

If, however, you still bond, then why not? And why not test the waters a little? If this person has made leaps and bounds in terms of how they conduct their lives, why not... people deserve second chances sometimes.
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Old 05-27-2019, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,575 posts, read 14,187,164 times
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How about finding new friends among people you already associate with?
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Old 05-27-2019, 02:20 PM
 
4,910 posts, read 2,669,850 times
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I simply accept 0 friend requests on FB unless they are family or an active friendship that I regularly speak with.
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Old 05-27-2019, 10:49 PM
 
13,675 posts, read 13,489,213 times
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I've had good luck connecting via facebook with people I've fallen out of touch with. Some of those friendships have proven to be quite strong. Do people change? Many times they don't, but I have a relative who was a wildchild we all thought was headed for jail or an early death who has become a wildly successful businessman, husband and father. I believe everyone is capable of growth - just not everyone devotes themselves to it.

You never know, and it can't hurt to reach out via online - that's very low stakes stuff. Just know what your limits are going into it.

I maintain close friendships with some people who would be considered to be of questionable character by many, but who bring joy to my life with their personalities. I just maintain boundaries religiously with those people - I know who I am and what my standards are, and I do not break with that. I recognize that people have facets. For example, one of those friends has very poor impulse control that has gotten him into all kinds of trouble, but he is a devoted and kind-hearted friend who will literally drop whatever he is doing to come to a friend's rescue. I respect how open-hearted and generous he is. But I know his limitations and keep the in the back of my mind at the same time.
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Old 06-07-2019, 06:25 AM
 
243 posts, read 40,999 times
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I reconnected with my best friend from HS twice, and both times it ended badly.


We were in a hard rock power-trio together in HS in the 1970s, he played bass and I guitar.


And... it just seemed to turn into kind of a "lopsided" friendship: I write, he doesn't.


Or rather, it's like being gobsmacked or like pulling teeth for him to write me of his own volition...


If it doesn't come from me, it just doesn't happen.


We texted almost every morning on FB for several months, I was working on a biographical novel on our band's experiences and sharing sample chapters with him, and we were reminiscing etc, all seemed to be fine.


But, I began to notice what I mentioned, it always seemed to spring from me, if I didn't start the text, it wasn't going to happen.


Now, perhaps it wasn't the right thing for me to do, "testing" a friend, but I stopped our morning texts one day... just didn't do it.


I wondered how long it would be before they broke down and sent me a text, checked every day for six weeks!


Six weeks and not a peep, and it was me who had to break down and text in the end.


So here I am, type, type, typing my fingers away on this book, and am just going to finish it in "oblivion" over here.


In my life I hope I have been able to spot "red flags" and that seemed like one of them... red neon example.


I'd finish this book, and that would be that, he would suddenly become "busy" and I would be left to take the train to Palookaville...


I hate "usery"!


In so many ways I feel like I've been besieged by locusts in my life, every little "friend" comes along and takes their "little piece" until I am left with nothing.


My time and my emotions have value, and I just don't have much to spare anymore.


It hurts, I wish it would have come out differently, but I know that cutting it off, cutting my losses sooner rather than later was the right thing to do!


Thx

Last edited by Thx-1138; 06-07-2019 at 06:34 AM..
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Old 06-07-2019, 07:32 AM
 
6,373 posts, read 2,285,056 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
FB friends are not "real friends". Sure some of them may be in one's personal life, but on average, 70+% of most people's FB friends are people they've never even met or maybe met once.

Unless a person has the type of job in which they travel all over, meet many different people, etc., I don't believe they know all the people they have as FB friends.

I have a really different attitude about my facebook friends. I consider them my real friends, who (IMO) make my life richer, more fun and more entertaining...even though most of them I RARELY see, and a couple, I've never met in person...but I interact with them, and they make my life more interesting.


Just the other day, I was musing about my facebook friends, and how I was grateful to have them in my life.
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Old 06-11-2019, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,407 posts, read 8,103,583 times
Reputation: 5040
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I have a really different attitude about my facebook friends. I consider them my real friends, who (IMO) make my life richer, more fun and more entertaining...even though most of them I RARELY see, and a couple, I've never met in person...but I interact with them, and they make my life more interesting.


Just the other day, I was musing about my facebook friends, and how I was grateful to have them in my life.
OK, in your case I'm glad they're closer to you than what I portrayed.
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Old 06-11-2019, 09:38 PM
Status: "Excited to move to Vegas!" (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Beaverton, OR
5,403 posts, read 5,829,922 times
Reputation: 6012
I keep my FB friend list tiny too, maybe 130 I think, and I still don’t know a lot of them in real life. If they’re cool, they stay, other times they go if they’re annoying. I agree though with an Avicenna post, you have to be extremely careful about users. I wish I could have maintained my naive younger attitude that most people aren’t trying to use anyone, be friends with everyone. Now, I’m too old for that nonsense, I don’t have any interest in being friends with poor people whatsoever. I want friends who can afford to go eat out without worrying about it, who I don’t have to awkwardly tiptoe around any purchase I just made because they’re struggling to pay the rent that month, it just is human nature they’re probably going to resent me a bit even if it’s subconscious. My friends all have great jobs and do well for themselves, which allows me to be the open and honest person I’m going to be no matter what anyway. I can’t be sitting there worried someone “might get jealous,” again I’m too old to care about that at all lol.
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