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One of my children just got engaged - went out-of-town - and another sibling is joining them for a night out. I know this is completely normal, but I feel left out. I am single, so I think that is what might be different. If I was in a partnership, it would probably be different.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
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I'm sorry you feel left out. :-/
My sons do stuff together frequently and my husband and I aren't invited, and to me, that's a rock solid sign that they will still be getting together long after we're gone, which is a source of great joy to me.
Some sibling relationships fall apart when the parent is gone - but your kids will still be close. And that's a positive.
Yes, I know it is healthy. I just want to have fun and be included. I know I would feel less unincluded if I had a partner - so I just have to deal with the feeling of being excluded.
My sons do stuff together frequently and my husband and I aren't invited, and to me, that's a rock solid sign that they will still be getting together long after we're gone, which is a source of great joy to me.
Some sibling relationships fall apart when the parent is gone - but your kids will still be close. And that's a positive.
Yeah, be thankful for that! My sister won’t even talk to me at any family gathering, she more or less ignores me. She is an extremely unpleasant person and a total loser, but I’m always at least attempting to be nice, friendly, at least keep the peace. If she ever addresses me at all it’s for some snarky remark that I have to just ignore so my dad doesn’t get upset. When I texted her that we bought a new house out of state, she never texted me back or asked me anything about it the next few times I’ve seen her. So when I’m gone, I’m hoping to minimize contact with her and honestly bummed I ever have to see her again. But as long as my dad’s still alive I’ll be roped into seeing her for holidays.
Yes, I know it is healthy. I just want to have fun and be included. I know I would feel less unincluded if I had a partner - so I just have to deal with the feeling of being excluded.
You are putting your lack of friends or partner onto your children. It will not end well if you push it. They will quit telling you things about what they are doing or going, eventually quit telling you other things.
You are putting your lack of friends or partner onto your children. It will not end well if you push it. They will quit telling you things about what they are doing or going, eventually quit telling you other things.
Get out, meet people, and live your own life.
I know. I was just sharing my feelings. I feel left out and there is nothing I can do about that. It's because of my perceptions of "family." I know they don't share the same perceptions - it's all me - I am just having a moment.
One of my children just got engaged - went out-of-town - and another sibling is joining them for a night out. I know this is completely normal, but I feel left out. I am single, so I think that is what might be different. If I was in a partnership, it would probably be different.
I just want to have fun with my family.
Well, you may just want to have fun with your family, but let's get real. We all know that most adult children's idea of "fun" isn't getting together with their parents.
Of course you feel left out. But, first, be pleased that the siblings are getting together. Then think about how you're going to find some fun things to get involved with, without them.
One of my children just got engaged - went out-of-town - and another sibling is joining them for a night out. I know this is completely normal, but I feel left out. I am single, so I think that is what might be different. If I was in a partnership, it would probably be different.
I just want to have fun with my family.
Don't take it personally. I have a fantastic relationship with my two grown sons, but there are times the two of them want to just go out with their friends and I totally understand that. Doesn't mean they love us any less, it just means sometimes they want to be with people their own age .
If you think back, we all did exactly the same thing.
My sons do stuff together frequently and my husband and I aren't invited, and to me, that's a rock solid sign that they will still be getting together long after we're gone, which is a source of great joy to me.
Some sibling relationships fall apart when the parent is gone - but your kids will still be close. And that's a positive.
True. Our sons share far more details of their lives with each other than with their father and I, and I think it's a sign that they will remain in each other's lives through adulthood, which makes me happy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness
Yes, I know it is healthy. I just want to have fun and be included. I know I would feel less unincluded if I had a partner - so I just have to deal with the feeling of being excluded.
Also true, and understandable. There are many times when I wished to hear or see things first hand, and not well after the fact. It stings to be an afterthought in our kids' adult lives. I don't think you were excluded, more likely nobody thought to include you.
My Mom was similar. She even got a little pouty about it sometimes. We did holidays and other things with her individually and as a group but she always expected more. The problem was that she didn't have any friends to do things with so she wanted us to fulfill all the empty spots in her life. Our husbands all liked her but naturally didn't want a parent along all the time. One of them also felt insulted that she always referred to us as "You kids" and expected to know too much about our private lives, including what we were doing all the time, work schedules, etc.
OP, try not to be too clingy. And remember, the more you develop your own life and have things to share with your family, the more they will enjoy being with you. This is a time of life you can do new things you couldn't do when raising your family. Having independent kids who get along is proof that you did a good job raising them.
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